Hi there all you heavy breathers!
It's just been reported why the Atos doctors don't recognise C.O.P.D. Apparently it's all our fault for walking into regions of ground where the atmosphere is devoid of oxygen, thus leaving us short of breath. There, you have the answer, you don't have bad lungs. Case closed.
The DWP is going to send out forms in the New Year, requesting all claimants to answer a few simple questions. Now beware of one particular question that asks you to tick YES or NO if you've had chicken for Christmas dinner. DON'T TICK YES if you've made a wish on the wishbone as you could lose your benefit due to being able to snap it with your little finger - thus proving you can lift and raise your arm without stress. Case closed.
If your housing benefit is reduced because you're a single person living in a two-bed dwelling, and you can no longer cope with all the cuts and are made homeless, don't despair. The DWP is going to grant all the new homeless a beggin-bowl and a sleeping bag free of charge for the first year. Case closed.
Righto, the above is just a bit of seasonal humour and not to be taken seriously. But it is hoped you've had a good little titter and your spirits have lifted somewhat. So now I'd like to wish you all a really good Christmas and a very Happy New Year!
PS. Cabbage really IS good for you - especially the spirit distilled from it. Hic, hic ...