Angry at Life

[raspberryripple]

Been a while since i posted but here goes. I have lost 2 sisters in an many months. Thought i was doing really well coping with it too, then i catch a cold and everything in my world has gone grey again. I am not feeling sorry for myself but I am very very angry at life. It has not made my copd worse but it does make me wonder how feckless this condition is with the differing symptoms. I want to go out for a walk but dare not as my balance is off, I look like i've had a few pints (I wish) and the sticks make me walk funny hehe. Missing my sisters though we never saw much of each other, does that sound silly? I have started making dolls from scraps of material, very basic but keeps my mind off 'stuff'. My partner says the one I made last night is the best one so I guess I must be getting better at it lol. One of my cats has 'adopted' one of the tiny dolls, so funny to watch her carry it around then toss it into the air to catch it. Really scared of dying. The cats are so funny to watch. I never let them go outside as we live on a main road that definately is not cat friendley. Does anyone else with this condition have pets? Will post again soon when my nose stops runnin lol take care folks xx

[Hidden]

unfortunately one of the things us COPD sufferers tend to get is depression - at the moment i cry at adverts!!!! as for suprise suprise - well!!! thats me in floods of tear

My partner and i had a really in depth chat a few months ago and because every time i go on holiday i always manage to come home really ill we decided no more holidays - as a cat lover i decided i would adopt two cats, coke and pepsi, they where about 4 months old and had never been out so i let them into the garden, one day coke went over the fence, i wasnt worried because i have lived here for 28 years and have never lost a cat to the road - sadly he got knocked over and killed - it broke my heart and i still get upset when i see a picture of him.

totally understand how you feel - losing your sisters is very sad.

pleased to see you use your time making dolls - am impressed its from scrap metal, never heard of that before !!!

try and keep smiling hun - you have done well so far, just remember we are here if you fnacy a chat or want to vent your feelings and the beauty is..........we all understand,

(((((hugz)))))

kerry

[Joy123 in reply to Hidden]

Haha! Raspberryripple is making dolls from scraps of material, not metal!! Sorry, I found that really funny! 😀

[Hidden]

How can I say this - I am 81 and suffer from bronchiectasis. I would like to think that death holds no fears for me. I have nursed the chronically sick and am no stranger to death. It is a natural process, and I feel that it can only bring peace, judging from I have seen in hospital. But it is so sad to lose a loved one. Those left behind are the ones that suffer.

I have a cat, Betsy, who I love to bits. Cats give off dander (look it up) which can affect your breathing - take loratidine. (Antihistamine). Please have heart, there are a lot of caring people around you.

[Lynne1955]

Raspberry ripple - It's hard. Within the space of two years I lost my dearest brother (age 39) to cancer, then my Dad and lastly my mother . During all this I was going through a divorce (not of my choice) and I had cancer.

It was bleak to say the least. BUT, a few years on I am very happily remarried, have a good career and enjoy life.

There is always a future, it just doesn't always feel like it.

Lynne x

[lavender1]

Hi rasperryripple I hope you're feeling a bit better by now. Know exactly how you feel, I get so frightened too at times and I'm told it comes over as a sort of agression which makes me I suppose not the best of company to family and friends. I have sort of deliberately isolated myself also due to having stopped having the odd pint a couple of years back in the preparation of stopping smoking which I am doing but not with very good grace - such a selfish person you see as I can't be in my past company and do without life's little pleasures so don't get many phone calls as not my usual happy go lucky self any more.

What I must say to myself and often do is ok that its a different sort of life but still a life and I like to laugh at myself and my lot in life and can thankfully feel that feeling beginning to return. Tomorrow is another day and we can endure an awful lot then small things start to matter again to cheer us up and there's also this site which is often a laugh a minute even if its ourselves thats the joke.

xx

[LesleyCh]

Hi rasperryripple. I have just read your post and felt the need to reply to you. I have just rejoined the site as had not been on it for a while and when I did I found it had all changed. I am sorry you are feeling so bad. I know a bit of how you are feeling. i lost my dear husband 4 years ago and then I lost my Mum almost 2 years ago. It is not easy by any means but I do try to force myself out of the depression I fall into sometimes. What helps me is the fact that I have 3 beautiful dogs ( all crazy Border Collies ) and a horse to care for. They are hard work and I do struggle with the COPD but it kind of makes me do more. Like lavender 1 says it is a different sort of life and I have tried to adapt to it. This site is fab. Lots of good people.

Take care of yourself and keep your chin up.

Lesley xx

[Hidden]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sisters raspberryripple. Even though you weren't close its still a terrible shock. I guess when any of your family die it brings the thought of death closer to home. I know it did when I lost my dad 4 years ago. And it will again when my mum goes (she is 89 now and in a care home).

And Annie I have a theory that the older you get the less you fear death and I think it is biological. I am 58 now and I fear death much less than I did when I was young.

Having said that I know an old lady of 93! She fears death so maybe not. Sigh....

Bev x