I'm taking dad to hopsital in the morning for an emergency appointment with his respiratory nurse. Like amagrans' hubby Richard, the slightest exertion and he turns blue and is gasping for air. I seen it on Sunday and the panic in dads eyes was awful. The same happened yesterday when they went to Asda and this morning when he had a bath.
In the meantime, my mother's angina is playing up today and she is in pain. Probably from over doing it, looking after dad and mainly yesterday pushing dad in the wheelchair. Being the exceptional person that she is, she rings the Dr to speak about dad and doesn't mention herself or how ill she is really feeling. So I rang myself and spoke to the practice manager who arranged for my mother to see the Dr immediately. I was in work so I arranged a taxi for her. Thought she would shout at me for doing it but didn't. My mum never goes to the Doctors if she can help it so when she didn't argue, I knew she must be bad.
I rang my mum as soon as I got home and she feels a little better. No surprise that she was told she was over doing it and care was now needed to be arranged for dad at home so mam can have some support. She is 71 after all. So now mam and dad need to have a chat about how this will affect them and I know it will be hard. I wish I could be there more for them, do more for them. I feel so utterly helpless watching them both deteriorate and they are the most selfless people I know. There's no one else I could say this too, they wouldn't understand. I'm crying now as I type this. I am soooo lucky to have such wonderful parents and I think they done a pretty good job with me.....most times anyway! Just want to repay them in their time of need. But there's nothing I can do.
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tanyamarie
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I'm pretty sure that with such a loving and caring daughter, your parents know that you are doing all that you are able to do for them and don't expect more of you. You judge yourself too harshly tanyamarie.
You are there for them, you love them. Just carry on doing that. I hope your dad, and your mum, receive the extra (professional) support they now need.
tanyamarie - You should feel very proud of yourself as I'm sure both your parents do, you are a shining example of selflessness, a daughter anyone would be proud to have.
Take care and as elian says you are there for them, you love them. Just carry on doing that. I hope your dad, and your mum, receive the extra (professional) support they now need.
Dear Tanyamarie, when you say "there is nothing I can do" be kind to yourself my dear girl, because you are doing everything that can be done by simply being there. There may be nothing to be done except wrapping your Mam & Dad in a blanket of love and holding them close to you heart. Letting them know how much you love them and appreciate having them as your parents, remembering all the good times you have shared with them and thanking them for giving you such good and loving memories. It is so hard to watch someone you love so dearly reach life's end.
It's not always in the doing, or the saying, it's sometimes just in the being, a loving, kind, considerate, generous daughter to a dearly loved Mam & Dad. You're doing grand, hang in there because we will all be thinking strong supportive thoughts for you through this very difficult time.
I so empathise with the situation you are in. You say you can do nothing for your dear loving parents, when as you have explained you have done so much. I feel from what you have said your Mum was very relieved that her own struggles were recognised by you and knows that you arranged her appointment and taxi out of love. Your Dad must have been worried about all she is having to do and they must both be relieved that there will now be some help put in place and this is down to you. You have nothing to reproach yourself for. You are a loving daughter and your dear parents know that.
Love C XXX
Tanyamarie, what is there to do? Make a list and tick things off.
1.Let Social Services and the NHS take over the practicle tasks.
2. Continue to show your parents how much you love them.
3. You can also TELL them how much you love them because we don't always put it into words then later wish we had.
4. Tell them why you love them and how they made you who you are.
5. Share good memories with them and I know there will be plenty.
I was very emotional reading a recent post of yours when you said "We laugh a lot together and spend as much time together as other commitments allow. We are making memories now and enjoying the time we have."
Unfortunately I was not blessed with children, but I have a wonderful husband and a huge family so I dont do to bad. I would be proud to have a daughter like you, just do what you can I'm sure they are happy just to have you around.
You are a wonderful daughter so don't beat yourself up Tanyamarie. You can only do your best and you seem to go beyond that. It is sad to see your parents so ill and yes, you do feel helpless but I am sure they are so proud of you. You take care and stay well yourself. Thinking of you. xxxxx
I think you know from past correspondences what i think of you.Your utter unselfish devotion toward both of your parents is to be praised & applauded.Anyone would be proud to know you.If everyone was like you,the world ( for sure ) would be a much nicer place.God bless you & best wishes to you tanya in these very difficult times for your whole family xx
Oh tanyamarie, you know that I can empathise. It's time to stop being superwoman and start being a daughter. MacMillan, Marie Curie etc - they can come and take over all the practical stuff but you are the only one that can get out the photo albums and talk about memories and all the wonderful things you've done together as a family. You are doing a brilliant job, you're looking after your own family as well as your mum and dad! Keep going mate xx
Hi Tanymarie. My daughter is wonderful, like you. I am so blessed to have such a loving daughter, as our your parents. We can't wish for more than that. At the end of the day, it's the love in life that counts most...and from love you do amazing ! Luckily, my daughter isn't having to cope with anything like as much as you. It's hard for all of you. What I want for my daughter is to really enjoy her own life always and I'm sure that is what your MUm and Dad wish for you too. At the same time, we all know that we can't protect our loved ones from emotional pain, and it's hard not being able to wave the magic wand to make good health for those we love. At the end of the day, all anyone can do is do what is within their power and you are doing exactly that. Look after you too. Your Mum and Dad will want that. Take care . x
It must be so hard for you, you have the worry of your dad, and your mum, your mum does need the help and you have done everything you can to help them both. this is an awful time for anyone in your situation, I wish I lived nearer to you and we could park the men up in a corner and let them have a natter, while we women go for a coffee to put the world to rights, thats what's missing, but now you have the chance to take your mum out on her own, treat her and pamper her while the carer takes care of your dad. Don't know if you have this in your area, but my sister belongs to "shared lives," she is 75 yrs old next month, but she does hospital visiting and also respite care voluntary, sometimes it's just a matter of sitting with the poorly person while primary carer goes shopping or any outing, sometimes she has someone come to stay with her in her house while the carer goes on holiday,( usually they are fitter and often mental health problems rather than physical), she had a downs syndrome girl come for a weekend and she stayed a year and a half till she was rehoused with a family. whatever , it's a break and gives the primary carer a breather, yet I know from experience that I prefer to stay here and have the time with richard but I'm fit and well .I always think of you and your family before I go to sleep, I feel that there is an untouchable bond between us, sort of a shared life in a way. Give my love to your mum, tell her my thoughts are with her , and you of course. xxxxxxx
I'm in the same position as your parents (except widowed). Believe me you are doing everything you can! It is having someone on the end of the phone who is able to back up their appointments and give moral help which is THE most important thing you can give them. I have a wonderful daughter who is like you and she is, like you, a golden person.
BUT you cannot take away their illness; so just be there on the phone etc. Be strong my dear.
Taniamarie You are a valuable useful character and I'll bet like a breath of spring to your parents whenever you call them or are with them. As the rest of your friends have said its time to take help when offered. Be thinking of you. Your posts are always lovely and conjure up a devoted very close family which is uplifting for the rest of us also. Keep showing them that smile.
firstly bless you for being such a good daughter, i have copd, and no one, so i think your mum and dad are just so happy to have you, to me the best thing you could do for them is simply to listen..... and assure them of your love,be strong my lovely , lots of love jude aka banner
You shouldn't be so hard on yourself, you're a lot more help to them than you realise.
I'm sure that they're both very proud of you, and very grateful for all the help & support you continue to give them.
It may not seem like much to you now, because all you see is them suffering, but to them you're their angel who they can't do without.
Please believe me when I say you're a very brave & corageous lady, and I've no doubt in my mind that your parents are extremely pleased & proud with how their caring & loving daughter turned out.
You should be proud, lift your head & try to be strong for them now, as they are obviously very frail at the moment & are looking at you for their strength.
You are doing an amazing job, in extremely hard conditions, and I commend you for all your courage.
Don't ever forget the good times you've all had together, and try to use that as fuel to keep you positive & strong.
I for one am very proud of you & all that you're doing for your family.
you are a wonderful daughter .take care .strength and courage xx
Hi TM - Sorry to read of your understandable concern for your parents health. I hope that by now some of your worries will have been addressed and that both your mum and dad are feeling better. Let us know how you all are - I hope yesterdays hospital visit was fruitful. Glad too that you and amagran have each others' support and understanding, being in such similar situations, all the best to you and yours x
A mahoosive thankyou to all of you who took the time to listen. Don't underestimate how fab you all are and you all really lifted my spirits and helped to make me feel a lot better. Already dad has had someone visit who is arranging a hospital bed and a wheelchair for him. There are a few practitioners due to visit him next week for one reason or another and hopefully he will get that extra care in that both mum and dad so desparately need.
Will keep you all updated when I can. Take care of yourselves, winter is coming and I don't want any of you getting ill. We shall get through it together xxxxxxxx
I have been thinking of you Tanyamarie sorry not to have replied sooner I have been ill myself so glad dad is getting the help he needs it takes a huge weight off your mind, I have a elderly mum too who is poorly so I know how you feel. Lets hope they sort him out and make his more comfortable. Take care
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