Oh dear I am in one of my 'no one cares about me so I don't care about anyone moods

I hardly seem to see my friends any more. They are all too busy with their families or other friends or some other excuse and I am fed up with being on my own! I feel like the most unpopular person in town.

Several times my so called friends have said lets go away or I have said it - and we plan it and I get my hopes up, then come the reasons why they can't. They are going away with their family or they can't afford it or they can't go at the moment for another reason.

I hardly ever see my older sister (the recluse) I don't want to see the middle one (the thief). The youngest seems to have a busy life with no room for me.

Everyone is letting me down. No one ever comes dog walking with me now either (too busy blah blah).

Maybe its something my best friend won't tell me!

Just as well I have my arranged nights out or I would never see anyone.

Sorry to moan and whinge whinge but I just feel numb, left out and generally unwanted.

Back to watching telly (on my own).

Bev x

34 Replies

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  • How can I put this...? When did you last shower ? :->

  • More than you Gordon! :)

  • Hi Hypercat , Silly as it sounds have you tried doing any of the adult classes that most towns have it would get you out and mix with others and maybe make new friends , there are usually a lot of different things you can do , i know some of them in our town are free , shame you dont live near me it would be great to have someone to walk my dog with who doesnt walk like a steam train .

    Gordon you are norty Lol .

    Wishing you all the best . Su x :-)

  • We care about you Hypercat :0), and I'm sure your family does too. Life is hard and often busy. Why don't you try writing to them and letting them know how you feel. What do you like to do? Su is right you've got to take control and get out there, see what's on offer. You sound a bit low, perhaps you need to have a chat with your GP / Nurse. Take care. Marilyn x

  • Do you not fancy taking up a hobby? Knitting, card making, painting. Sometimes there are local groups you could join make new friends might get you out and about :)

  • Oh you sound so down! But the problem is people are busy - I have to say no so many times to friends - I intend to see them but work, family etc. So I wouldn't take it too personally but perhaps you could become proactive - try a new hobby something you always wanted to do but maybe couldn't find the time! Take care of yourself. TADxx

  • I felt a bit like you Bev , I started going to my local breathe easy group and made some new friends. We meet up once a week for lunch and are planning to go on holiday next year. Like me they live alone and wouldn't have it any other way. We have all agreed that its a bit of a relief that we have the same thing (copd) and can understand each others difficulties where family and old friends sometimes struggle to. I also volunteer once a week for a couple of hours for Home Start and enjoy it, I like the work and it makes me feel that I am part of a group and am doing something worth while. I am also carer for my mum (83) and while I am not out and about all the time I relish days in as I love my own company and being alone. I have my down days but find if I go with the flow I usually feel better in a day or so. Life is what you make it Bev, I hope that you feel better soon, take care. x

  • Maybe I am way off the mark here, and maybe I am talking rubbish, but the people on this site are your friends, what about a central meet, where we could all meet up for a meal and a chat, it would be like a rocket man convention and people would look but what the hell. Have you checked the site for people in your area, gordon could be the cabaret, sorry gordon, absolutely no harm meant but you do make us laugh, Krazy can be your straight woman. Call it a biannual general meeting of the forum. just a thought. xx

  • Hi amagran, what a great thought.

  • Like the way you're thinking Amagran. A meeting up would be good. Why don't you follow up the idea by ............asking the question and see what feedback you get.

    Marilyn x

  • I would be interested

  • Cabaret ? I've been a DJ since 1975, so it's nothing new to me :-) As for Krazy being the straight woman - didn't you read about her wrinkles...? :-)

    The problem is in finding a place everyone can get to, where there is good table service as we can't all get to the bar. Wheelchair access, disabled toilets, specialist diets. I've worked in a variety of hotels and can almost bet on that sort of thing being the stumbling block.

    I'm interested, as long as it's not too far to travel and it does not cost a lot.

  • in a park with sarnies?

  • Yep definately :)

  • Love it amagran! I would be definately up for that. Is there a way to check the site for those in my area without asking them? Im in Torquay.

    Bev xx

  • Great idea. It would be funny wouldn't it? I would love to meet all my friends....

    Bev x

  • I understand how you feel but in a different way.

    I am limited to what I can do because of my COPD but do not go out as much as I could because my husband is almost housebound, we only go out together once every three weeks for lunch with a group of friends, who all have COPD, it can be quite stressfull.

    There are so many things I would like to do but would feel guilty about leaving him on his own all the time. He says he doesn't mind but I constantly phone him to let him know when I get there, when I am leaving and just before I arrive home he worries so much.

    So why not take the advice given and get out while you can and make new friends.

    Do they have a Breathe Easy by you?

    *polly

  • Hi Hypercat ,

    You sound like me a few years ago xx. I left England to live in Ireland 20 years ago ( for the clean air ) , My 3 sisters were all busy with their own lives , and still are , and since my health took a downturn at that time ( before i moved ) my friends lived life at a different pace .

    Perhaps that is part of what has happened to you ?? .I am lucky to have made a few new friends who are either in the slow lane (like me ) or they understand my condition and make allowances . It is very hard but i try to keep talking about my condition to a minimum unless asked as i find my life revolves round keeping well and how to prevent infections which can get boring for others . Keeping away from people with a virus and from smokey environments is top of my list which is extremely difficult during the winter and therefore i spend a lot of time on my own . I have a husband but i only see him at mealtimes as he smokes like a chimney and has his own room .

    Joining a ladies group has helped , we meet one morning a week and choose a project , card making , modelling (clay that is ) , sewing , knitting , crochet and we are trying to get a DIY session going . I also signed up for a computer course . I am now meeting more people but only in the last year .

    Previously i have spent time gardening , i can only do this sitting down but i do what i can and get a lot of satisfaction from what i am able to acheive .

    There are a lot of people who care about you on this site and we have all had similar problems but at different degrees . Have a think about what makes you happy and try to do some of it , you may start alone and join a few people on the way . I know what it is like to be lonely and i am here if you want a chat or to vent your frustration , it does help .

    I hope you can find a way round this situation and start enjoying life with lots of friends . xxxx Dinny xxxx

  • Thats a lovely post Dinny thank you. I might just take you up on your kind offer...it does help to get things off your chest doesn't it? :)

  • Take hold of the reigns hypercat and steer yourself into a more enjoyable situation.

    Hope things improve for you soon.

    Wishing you well on your future journeys.

  • have to admit that i have actually found more friends since joining this site- i didn't really have many friends because i was a workaholic or had one or the other of my grandchildren with me.

    Sadly i cant have my grandchildren too often now as i cant cope too well.

    I actually find myself very lucky that i have a wonderful new set of friends who understand exactly what i am talking about, who can laugh with me ( and at me! )

    Gordon, Val, Rose, stitch, gran, Perce, and yourself Bev to name just a few have taken me from being a recluse, staying in feeling sorry for myself to being .................. well, myself again.

  • ((((((lyndierose))))) x

  • Aw thats lovely krazylady and thank you very much for your fantastic compliment. I do count a lot of people here as friends but I am missing human companionship face to face kind most. Just even watching telly with someone would be lovely or going shopping or anything. Or like me and my best friend had before she moved - I would pop in to see her (or her me) for a coffee and end up spending 4 hours just gassing! We would take turns having a whinge, set the world to rights and end up laughing ourselves silly. Thats what I miss.

    I rang her about 30 minutes ago and we were on phone for well over an hour catching up. I told her what mood I was in and she said - oh no not that mood - then we just laughed about it. Sigh.....

    Bev xx

  • I make it a rule when i'm out with family or friends to enjoy their company and not bring up anything to do with my copd, its our time togather and i will not let my illness take over this special time with people i love. Perhaps not letting talk of your copd tag along for the ride will bring friends and family back. We are here for your copd always. Hope this helps.

  • I rarely mention my COPD maureen - I mention drink more lol x

  • Hi Bev,

    Don't take it to heart, family usually are the last to realise you aren't as happy as you could or should be.

    Talk to them, and let them know how you feel about it all.

    Chin up, I heard Torquay is full of people - it is known as the "British Riviera" after all.

    You should get out there and try to make a few friends, walking your dog is always good for an introduction, plenty of people take their dogs out- especially in the sea air.

    Take care

    Dave xxx

  • Thanks Mudshark - actually its the 'English Riveria' lol. I do meet people dog walking and stop for a quick chat before they have to rush away (busy busy). x

  • Hi Bev, It is a shame you feel so let down but maybe a trip to the GP is called for. Lonliness is not nice, unless of course you don't mind your own company, but there are lots of things out there. Look in the local paper and see if there is anything good going on in your area. Do you have a community centre near you where you could go and meet other people doing hobbies etc. Can you spare any time to do some voluntary work? You can meet some lovely people that way. I do hope you get to meet people soon and all your friends on here wish you well, me included. Take care and good luck. xxxxxx

  • Thanks for your kind remarks sassy. I do love my own company but I am getting too much of it at the moment.

    Will follow your advice.

    Bev x

  • Thanks everyone for your replies - goodness gracious I didn't expect so many! Or had so many people caring about me - it makes me feel all warm and gooey inside - like chocolate cake. :)

    Thanks for all the advice. I don't think I'm doing anything anti social with people (I definately have good hygiene), I don't mention my COPD unless to make a joke or if people ask me, I do let friends know that I like their company and that I'm free quite a lot if they want to do something or go somewhere. I just like to laugh and enjoy myself as much as possible and I do like my own company but not so much of it as I'm getting at the moment. I do go out 3/4 times a week playing darts or just pubbing so thats nice. I go to bingo with a friend once a week too.

    As for my family my eldest sister is a recluse and doesn't want to see people, my middle sister is a thief (she stole all our mother's money) and my youngest one has a family. I rarely get invited round or out with them even though I would love that. She has grandchildren I don't know. I have said I would love to see more of them but she makes excuses (I don't think her husband wants any of her family either). She keeps her birth family and own family very separate. I got the message that i'm not part of her family and I am not wanted or needed, though we get on best out of the family.

    It just seems friends forget I exist unless I contact them to remind them....unlike my best friend Chris who moved 4 years ago. If I hadn't seen her or contacted her for a week I would seek her out or she would me and say how are you old bag haven't seen you for a while. With my other friends its usually me who rings.

    I miss being at work and being part of something with others I think. So volunteering would be a good idea - I would have company and do something for the community. Good idea. I am also going to the next Breatheasy group in my area.

    I think you are all brilliant and I thank God that I found this site. I have never met so many amazing people before. I wish we all lived in the same area and could meet up properly!

    Bless you all Bev xx

  • Oh forgot to mention my friend Chris has COPD too, I told her about this site and the lovely people and the help from BLF and she said she will have a look. She is 100 pc diamond so if you are reading this Chris come and join us.

    Bev xx

  • I hope Chris does join this site as she would be most welcomed by everyone. You take care Bev, you have good times ahead of you I am sure. Families can be odd sometimes but what can you do? Thinking of you and wishing you well. xxxxxxxx

  • Aw thank you sassy love you Bev xx

  • hi hypercat, thanks, you were the first to answer my first question when i first joined this web site, i can see that you are a truly heart warming person who will offer advice to anyone without asking questions or expect reward or praise.

    Since i found out that i have Diabetes 2 & copd I thought that was enough to suffer for this year then my Father passed away.

    Yes i can sympathize with you, when you give so much of yourself who is there to give back, well I can see from all the replies you are never completly on your own.

    Just one thing before you have any regret call your sister ( the theif) remember material things mean nothing, if money was what she stole then that can be replaced, a life can not.

    Hoping you feel happier soon.xxx

    Adrian.

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