British Lung Foundation
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I'm feeling really upset and down at the moment and feeling sorry for myself

My neighbours are giving me some gyp. I live in 1 of 4 flats and flat 1 they have got really nasty with me several times. i don't need this at the moment I have got enough problems of my own. It's an old lady who lives in that flat and its her 'orrible son and daughter in law who are being obnoxious. I tried to speak to flat 2 but he said he has had no trouble with them and he is very laid back. So I can't even get support.

I get so tired and fed up of having to deal with them on my own. I have no-one to speak or fight for me and I get ground down so easily these days. I feel like a usurper in my own home. We are all joint freeholders and should have an equal say but several things have happened and my point of view is ignored. I wish I could afford a house. I hate flat living.

Sometimes I wonder what is the point of going on. I only have 3 sisters - one can't cope with anything, one is a thief who behaves like a spoilt child and expects everyone to help her, and the youngest is very stressed and over worked. So I have no one to help me. And no one who really cares.....

I just want to be friends with everyone and live in peace and I never stir up any trouble. But I feel like a doormat to be walked on.

Like I said I can't see the point of going on any is just s.... and full of crap.

Sorry to whinge and moan it helps just getting it off my chest.

When I feel like this I find myself looking at silly websites - but it doesn't seem silly at the time.....sigh..........

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13 Replies

It helps to have a whinge sometimes, and I go along with looking at silly websites as a way of trying to clear my head of whatever rubbish is bothering me. I sometimes play silly games, often ones aimed more at youngsters than adult. I found one that has a 'twopenny shove' game, like the 'tipping point' TV show. I can play on that for ages, for free, and just be silly as I know I cannot win anything, other than virtual prizes.

I had a flat after leaving my first wife, a horrible place that was dirty and dreary and even had mice. The landlord wouldn't do anything with the place, all he wanted was money. Three flats in one old end terraced house that had been a shop at some point. I couldn't wait to get out of there. We had noisy neighbours, including one time where there were shots fired. Their landlord wanted his money much more than ours we heard!

It;s easy to say that there are people worse of than any of us on here, but that does not cure the problems and I'm at a loss what to suggest. A lot of councils have environmental health officers who can help, or perhaps the local community police officer can deal with anti-social behaviour.

Have a look at to see if any of their info helps.

I live in a rented basement and have had a lot of bother with the tenant upstairs, to the point of him threatening violence when I challenged him over an issue. It dominated my mind and brought me very low, I resented even hearing them walking around above me, as if they were being deliberately heavy-footed, maybe they were. I find that I need to refuse the despair and crushed feeling and focus on something better, like favourite music or TV or a hobby till the worst oppression passes.

Also, I had my anti depressants changed a few months ago as it was not just the neighbour situation which caused me to be low, but I do suffer from depression and have most of my adult life. A visit to your GP might be useful for you too. Everyone is different but I've found that Venlafaxin work well for me, I don't get as wound up on them and a sort of truce now exists between me and Upstairs and we just don't speak. Fine by me!

I suppose all us depressives get suicidal at times, I do. Tell your doctor so he can direct some help your way so you don't feel so alone, you have enough to cope with with physical illness. I wish you well and relief from your sadness today.

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Nobody should have to put up with neighbours like you have,there are laws and if i was in your shoes the first thing i would do is talk to landlord or police that is why they are there to help people who are being harrassed.

Let me know how you get on and remember there is nice people on this earth.


Hiya hun,

So so sorry you are feeling so down. Please don't feel you are alone as there are alot of people on here who care and right now want to cheer you up I am sure.

There are a number of things you can do. You have to be proactive. You have to be positive.

Go to your council or call them and put in a complaint. Go to the police if you feel intimidated. Write a letter to them in flat 1, explaining your issues and asking for a resolution. Explain in it that you have written to the council as you are not prepared to live with these circumstances. That will show them how serious you are and that you are not prepared to take any messing.

As for wanting to end it all, please see your GP and talk to him/her. They are there to help and could decide to give you some anti depressants. Like Rob said, some will give you suicidal thoughts, it is a side effect of certain medication and if that happens you must speak to your GP immediately. They can also suggest some counselling for you. I think that would help.

As for your family, the youngest sister sounds like she could do with your support so maybe the two of you get together and have a good old heart to heart. You help her, she helps you. Family should be there for each other, I know it doesn't always happen but if you don't ask you don't get.

Chin up hunny xx

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I sympathise, neighbours can make life very difficult. The main thing is to try not to focus on them, try and rise above them & pretend these people just don't exist, but that's much easier said than done and you have to be mentally strong to do it, and thanks to these horrible people you're feeling vulnerable rather than strong.

The best source of information and advice for leaseholders is the national Leasehold Advice Service. Their services are free but in high demand. However, they do publish a large number of detailed booklets on various aspects of living in leasehold property. Here is their website

For anyone else struggling with leasehold problems, there is a large book called Residential Long Leaseholders – a guide to your rights and responsibilities published by the Department of Communities & Local Government. This is free and may be available from council offices and advice agencies as well as from the DCLG It provides an easily understandable overview of the leasehold system and the rights and remedies available to leaseholders

FF x

Thanks for the websites fairyfootsteps. I will have a look. But I am well up on leaseholds - its the idiot neighbour who isn't. x

I had years of a band practising next door - came through thin terrace walls so loud. Eventually with a new law, neighbours were told by Environmental Health that they could forfeit their musical equipment ! I feel for you, this is so stressful. You do not need to be on your own with this... Perhaps the best people to start with are the Council - get in touch with your Councillor, then officers have to do something, likely quicker. Or your MP. Try to get witnesses if you can, and keep a record of things they do. It all adds to the picture for someone trying to deal with this. Yes, the police too, if it is anti-social behaviour, it is a crime.

Thank you juliekay. When I lived in London I had 9 months of hell with a couple playing loud reggae music most of the night. It was so loud that the walls, bed and windows would vibrate. But environmental health only worked 1 night a week - saturday up til 12 am. I was told I had to find out their names as well. There was no way I could do that. I know the laws have now changed thank goodness. Then they moved - wonderful. Its horrible isnt it - no knows until they have experienced it. x

I'm so sorry lydiarose, I really feel for you. In your home you should feel safe and secure instead of always being upset and wound up. Thank you for your lovely comments Bev xx

I sympathise with the neighbour problem, we moved into our "dream cottage " in 1999, and had to move in 2001 as it turned into a nightmare. there were just 5 cottages on the lane and the only one that was any problem was the first one, next door to us, as his cottage was the first we all had to pass to get in and out to the road, everybody had a car except us sothey drove past but we had to walk, he accused us of allsorts, looking in his windows, treading on his pot plants being noisy walking past. There was never any noise came from his house, he was a total wierdo, any noise set him off. one afternoon he came to our door and shouted at us to keep our grandaughter quiet, she was 1 yr old and giggling, we were inside the house with half the door open as it was august. The crux came when he came out shouting because one leg of my ladder was on his side of the boundary as I cleaned the windows. I went straight to town, put the house on the market and it sold in 24 hours. The worst part was that he moved 6 months later.

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Thats terrible amagran. What an ending to your dream cottage idea. Maybe you could buy the property back now he's gone? x

There are certainly some horrible people in the world - but some fantastic ones too.

Hi Hypercat,

So sorry to hear you re having trouble. When I had a problem I went to the local Councillor whose ward I lived in. I didn't care what political party they belonged to. (She was actually the 'otherside'!) She was marvellous and intervened in a very diplomatic way but fought in my corner. I was alone and it was very scary and stressful. I also had depression and was on medication for that. It took time but the problem was eventually resolved.

There is also a "Mediation Service" for neighbours in dispute. It might be worth contacting them. Most areas now have a neighbourhood /community police officer who is trained to deal with these issues. There is also the CAB too, They 're a mine of information.

You sound depressed please go and see your GP , you may need counselling and some anti-deps. I know it seems like the end of the world at the moment but things really will get better.It sounds such a cliche but I really did make a plan of things to do and I'd tick them off one by one. You 're not going mad, you re under tremendous stress, but you do need some professional help. Start with your doctor on Monday morning!! Take care. terri-Rose

Thank you for your replies. I'm still feeling low by it all. The neighbours wrote me a very rude antagonistic letter. We are all joint freeholders - we bought the freeholder out about 2 years ago because he was awful. I said I wanted a management agency to be set up to deal with issues such as repairs etc. This neighbour who lives in one of our 4 flats was complaining because I had arranged roof repairs (to my roof) which is joint property. And he didn't want to pay his share. Anyway in his letter he whinged and whined about this. I wrote him back quite a patronising letter explaining the terms of the lease etc. I also told him I was not far off 60 and not in the best of health as he was accusing me of upsetting his elderly mother who lives in the flat. The son doesn't live there thank goodness!

I then spoke to another neighbour, who said he gets on fine with them, and told him we either had to get a management company set up or he takes on the role. He said he would take on the role - I showed him the letter and he said he would talk to them. I told him that I would have nothing further to do with the horrible neighbour and he would have to deal with them in future and any repairs could be reported to him and he could sort them out. Also he could put him right on the lease. I also told him that if the neighbour wrote to me again II would show him any letters (he said he would bin them unopened). I also said if he approached me I would refer him to him.

I decided I don't need horrible people like that in my life and I am not going to have any more to do with him and will totally ignore him. If he wont leave me alone I will go to the police.

As for depression I am already on anti-depressants which are good so my doctor couldnt help. I have also had counselling.

My sister and I were talking about it yesterday and she said she knows the type of people they are as she has met a few. They are totally antagonistic towards everyone and spend their lives complaining and being rude to everyone every chance they get. We both reckoned that about 95 pc of people are good - but the other 5pc ruin life for everyone else! She wanted a tank to finish them off and I wanted a gun! x

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