Disrespect!

Before I joined this board, I read the rules and agreed with and to abide by the rules as set by the powers that be. One of these rules was to be respectful of others and never be insulting of some else's life choices (even if you don;t agree). Sadly lately I have noticed on a few occasions these rules have been ignored and a very small number of individuals have chosen to ignore these rules and be disrespectful and potentially hurtful to other posters. It fills me with great sadness to see such behaviour, the distress from such behaviour can cause so much pain. And potentially those who need this board could leave through fear of being hurt again. Can I just simply say if you cannot be supportive of another posters personal difficulties, it is better not to say anything. The negativity and ripples of discomfort affects many in this community I am sure. Please keep this a happy and positive board, such boards are supposed to create a community not alienate people.

Thank you for reading and I hope all in this community have a lovely weekend.

Daxiemad xxxxxx :)

30 Replies

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  • Totally agree with you Gordon, these people who come to cause distress are only after a reaction. Best to ignore & report and never respond to the nasty posts. It is very sad that these people have nothing better to do with their time.

    Wishing you & all the community a very peaceful breathe-easy weekend.

    Jo :-)

  • Well said Daxie, i am a newbie came on this week, i noticed some comments regarding people still smoking, i am with regret in that category, you dont need anyone telling you how bad it is we do know, but excluding that it seem's a great site with a great bunch of people, anyway enjoy the rest of the weekend and take care Lynne x

  • absolutely agree Dave, definitely welll said xxx

  • I'm also new this week and struggling, I've not posted much but maybe I will in time, what I will say is I've found this forum, people and the information provided extremely helpful. Every board has it's negative people and bad posters, thankfully they're few on here and all the reasons given above are probably the accurate one's, but it's up to us not to respond to the nasty posters, eventually they get fed up and go away!!

  • Agreed! It's what I say to my children...'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'! The anonymity of the internet allows people to say things they'd never have the nerve to say face to face.

  • I totally agree with the above. There seems to be some people who can only be happy if they make themselves feel superior by putting others down. It is unnecessary and hurtful. I am glad that most of the responders on here are generally supportive. It's probably best to ignore the other kind.

  • here, here

  • nice one Daxie - we need to support and not judging , nasty comments are unnecessary.

    fortunately there are very few people on here that do this but sadly it does happen.

    I am fed up with seeing posts from people who are asking for help with stopping smoking and then find some comments to belittle the poster.

    As one of those who found it extremely difficult to stop smoking i totally understand what the poster is going through and quite frankly, with some of the comments, i can see them grabbing for the fags.

    I like this site as it has some incredible people on it but Anniediv is right - if you cant say something nice don't say anything at all!

  • Nothing nice silent it is simples

  • forgot to say that the people on here are amazing and will support you, no matter what your problem, all the way.

    So if you are smoker and need help why not privately message someone who has put a post you felt helped - i am sure you will be supported 100%

  • very new to this site. I smoked for years and years. After many attempts at giving up, I decided to try "one day at a time" and see how I felt without a fag at the end of the first day. And, yes, I was still alive and wanting a fag. But I decided to try a second day and see if I was still sane without a fag. I was!! That was 15 years ago. The pa ngs have become a lot less and I sigh at folk spending so much money on fags. I have come to dislike the smell. But I sympathise with people who are ruled by a fag. So sad that they cant apply themselves to not being ruled by a fag.

  • The problem with the smoking issue krazylady is that it is very easy to say 'poor you'. I know how hard it is but keep trying. But in my mind, better and not disrespectful to tell the truth. By telling the truth, and helping the person quitting to make up their mind once and for all to quit for their own health is not disrespect. It could in fact save their life. There is no doubt. Anyone that smokes and has lung illness of any sort will shorten their life. And in the end the choice is stop smoking or die much sooner. that is not disrespect. I used to smoke heavy. But knew if I carried on I would be dead soon. I would have been dead by now. And I, like many I know, found quitting much easier than some would have us think it is to quit. Once we make our mind up. Those that find it impossible are those that have not yet wanted to quite. Sorry but I myself always tell it like it is. As can be seen on my personal copd blog site. I know of one lady that I mentored for a while as she quit finding she did not need her oxygen anymore indoors. She could after quitting manage very well on room air. Smoking takes the oxygen out of your body. As if we need that with lung disease.

  • totally agree with the effects smoking has and the need to stop - just feel that, as adults we know what will happen if you don't stop - but i have seen some really nasty comments on here to people asking for help to stop - if they have been told they have a lung condition then they know they need to stop and they are asking for help i would prefer to support them than state the obvious and insult them ( which i have seen on a few posts)

    No-one is perfect and we all need help sometimes, i love the way someone posts and gives great advice on how they stopped ( i was a heavy smoker for almost 40 years and found it very hard to stop but i am proof it can be done) but there are always one or two people telling, not advising. I can see the poster grabbing for the fags as they read.

  • Derrylynne

    I had to make the same choice - though I found it far from easy to quit and it took me a couple of years to give them up completely. Whilst I agree that truth is needed, I found negative comments drove me towards cigarettes whilst support and encouragement, praise if I had gone a while without one, all helped me to eventually stop. Nicotine is a very powerful drug, more addictive than heroin. Stopping is to be recommended and hugely applauded, because most do not find it so easy.

  • Here! Here! very well said. Hope negativity no longer gets to invade this great website and good luck to everyone out there. Have a great positive weekend even if the weather is not great! Love to all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • i agree, people on here are adults and know they need to stop smoking, but they need support, not someone having a go at them, well done to those who have managed to give up smoking even when they found it difficult. Some people have problems managing to give up and stay off them. Give people support, not have a go at them, thats what this site is about after all, we are all in the same way, all with a lung condition, maybe different ones and all at different stages, but arent we all here to support each other through it??

  • Hi everyone, I was diagnosed about 12 years ago and it took me 2 years to stop, after that bomshell

    I had poeple telling me I had to stop and pushing the consequences at every opportunity and sympathising at the same time. I replied " I dont want sympathy I just would like some understanding of the problem. love to all.

  • I've only been a member a short time and have posted a few times but I would just like to say thank you for 'being here' I no longer feel alone with this disease and I hope you all have a pleasant,sunny, breath easy weekend! LOVE and PEACE XXX

  • Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

    To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

    To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.

    To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

    To think only of the best, to work only for the best and expect only the best.

    To be enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

    To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements of the future.

    To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

    To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

    To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, to strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble."

    ~ Christian D. Larson

  • that's all that needs to be said - inspiring us to be the best we can be.

  • That is beautiful thank you x

  • Hufferpuffer - that is so lovely xx thank you

  • I was a smoker, and enjoyed every minute, but sadly I got sick so had to give it up!!! I never preach it is not my place, hate to see young children smoking but I cannot inter fer it is up the family to try and stop them if they can!! I hope I have never come across as one of the " I am better than you brigade" as to be honest after 17 years some days I would love to light up!!! I want to be able to support others and give respect, and I know that is what I have found on here. So I aim to keep as well as possible for as long as possible, and he here if anyone needs me.

  • Upto now everyone has been very supportive of me that I have now come out of my shell and grasp what little I have left time is to short to create negativity for others if it happens I am sure the blf have there own monitoring systems in place to protect vulnerable people

  • Well I think this is a very supportive group and I know this isn't entirely relevant to the first post - BUT - all this talk of giving up smoking gets me thinking - I never smoked in my life and I have lung disease - LIFE JUST ISN'T FAIR!!!

  • This is a wonderful site I would be totaly lost without it its my support and help when I am feeling lost and alone thats how my COPD makes me feel some days but I come on here read some posting and everything is back to normal. Ignore these people they dont deserve our friendship. We will over come.xxxxxxx

  • I was the target of one unsupportive poster and yes I did reach straight for my cigarettes as I was so upset. So I agree 100pc with daxiemad and the comments here. I have been hesitating before trying to help other posters now whereas before I didnt. I still love this site though and I wont let it drive me away. So all I can say is everyone stay positive and strong and be here for each other. xx

  • I totally agree if u have nothing nice to say then dont say anything at all even my 10yr old knows better than that (says alot itself) i think! there is enough bad things going on around the world without negative comments that are hurtful and disrespectful, and if u cannot be supportive leave! xx

  • I have always thought that life is like a bank account, where you deposit what you have done to and for others. I try to be as supportive of others as I can, storing up credits, because I need to make withdrawals on some days!

  • Oh I like this post Auntymary, what a lovely way to put things!

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