Rant!: Just wondered whether this would... - British Lung Foun...

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Aingeful profile image

Just wondered whether this would infuriate any of you as it does me!?The district nurse came this morning to give me one of my routine iron injections. She had a young pupil with her ,obviously learning the job.She asked me if it would be ok if this young woman gave me the injecton.I said yes.The whole time this girl was dealing with me she was referring to me as ,love, sweetheart, dear etc etc ….. Would I be alone in wanting to smack her round the head?I would prefer it if they just ask me if they can use ”Sheila”or otherwise just do their job!!Anything else is extremely patronising!

83 Replies

Not at all I totally agree with you, my daughter is a nurse and there is no way she would refer to a patient in that way, it’s part of their training to show respect and ask the patient what they prefer to be called. Hopefully her mentor spoke to her after they left you . Take care x

As you say she was learning, when this happens I just tend to say "oh please just call me Sue", usually works. I know it can be irritating when those phrases are used, just give it a go if you get Dear, Love etc again😊😊

I’m totally with you Aingeful and find that very disrespectful. It shouldn’t be allowed. Xxx

Don-1931 profile image
Don-1931 in reply to sassy59

Euthanasia?The painless killing of a patient suffering from an incurable and painful disease or in an irreversible coma.


sassy59 profile image
sassy59 in reply to Don-1931

That’ll teach me not to read what I’m saying. Why did my phone feel the need to put that? Thank you Don or I may never have known, unless skis spotted it of course! 😂😂😂👍

Don-1931 profile image
Don-1931 in reply to sassy59

skis is a gentleman and would have kept his trap shut as I should have done. 🥰xx

sassy59 profile image
sassy59 in reply to Don-1931

Not at all Don, I’m pleased you pointed it out. Xxx🤗❤️

soulboy118 profile image
soulboy118 in reply to sassy59

Carole, well I never thought you were a follower of dr" mad Jack " kevorkian lol only teasing 😆 x

Don-1931 profile image
Don-1931 in reply to soulboy118

The ultimate 'rescue pack', eh? 😉

soulboy118 profile image
soulboy118 in reply to Don-1931

Well you certainly don't need a second course don 😉

sassy59 profile image
sassy59 in reply to soulboy118

I know Dave 😂

skischool profile image
skischool in reply to sassy59

I have completely lost the plot here my dear Sassy and why am i involved in a plot to euthanize somebody? i can't find any reference of you mentioning the word or has some careful editing of comments,not unknown on this dodgy site after events have unfolded taken place Lol.

🙃😻 xx

Don-1931 profile image
Don-1931 in reply to skischool

Do try to keep up Skis 😂

sassy59 profile image
sassy59 in reply to skischool

Skis I’m so sorry 😀 it’s my fault. Instead of putting “I’m totally with you Aingeful “ my phone decided to put “I’m euthanise……” Not my intention to do away with anyone of course and dear Don alerted me to my error. I thanked him as others may not have said anything or even noticed…..but then I thought of you who may well have directed my attention to said error.

Clear? Good. Love from a suitably rather embarrassed Sassy aka Carole/Cassy. Xxx😂🤗💖👍🥰

Kimlu profile image
Kimlu in reply to sassy59


MoyB profile image
MoyB in reply to sassy59

Phew! I'm glad Skis asked you about it as I also thought I was losing the plot, having started at the beginning and read everything twice over! Glad there's no dodgy business going on! Three cheers for Don. xx Moy

sassy59 profile image
sassy59 in reply to MoyB


teenieleek profile image
teenieleek in reply to MoyB

Me too! I read and reread and could see nothing wrong.

I can understand why you don’t like being addressed that way but I don’t mind them calling me those names as long as they are kind and respectful in other ways.

I'd have wanted to do the same thing. Wonder about today's training as when I was a student nurse we were told not to use such terms as it was patronising and always to address a patient by name, either first name or Mr. Mrs etc whichever they preferred.When I was an outpatient at a chest clinic a nurse there called everyone darling. Made me very cross.

She'll probably call you grumpy old Sheila now. 😂 A young girl learning the job trying to put you at ease in a kindly way. I think I'd give her a bit of slack, the district nurse will probably put her right.

CDPO16 profile image
CDPO16 in reply to Don-1931

Depends if the district nurse uses the same terms. Some do unfortunately.

Don-1931 profile image
Don-1931 in reply to CDPO16

Maybe she did and Sheila cured her with a slap around the head. 😉

CDPO16 profile image
CDPO16 in reply to Don-1931

Hope so and quite right too 😁

Annie31 profile image
Annie31 in reply to CDPO16

I think it's a degree of familiarity that not all of us feel comfortable with especially when it comes from someone who doesn't know you. As harsh as it sounds, to me it's ingenious and condescending. I would much rather a person took the time out to note my name and call me by my given christian name.

Gladwyn profile image
Gladwyn in reply to Don-1931


I would address as Mr or Mrs , miss etc until invited to do otherwise. However I have a very pronounced regional accent and the odd M'duck would slip out on occasion. Personally I would would have said please call me .........and not sweetheart as that makes you feel uncomfortable. Younger nurses/carers at times believe that using endearments give them a more gentle caring image but fail to realise that it can be perceived as condescending. It is your home and you should be addressed as you wish.

I think it shows their perception of older people as being somehow incapable of understanding what they are doing or saying. I had a go at the endocrinologist when I was diagnosed with diabetes last year. I told him that I may be getting on a bit but I was perfectly capable of understanding what he was telling me. To some of them old means on the verge of dementia. My GP reckons that my brain is no older than 40! I will be 78 in a couple of weeks.

garshe profile image
garshe in reply to Carnival567

Good on you . I totally agree .its so infuriating xxSheila 💕🙌

No you're not alone in feeling peed off. I used to be a trainer in that world and its not allowed! Its insulting. The senior should have pulled her up about it, obviously not in front of her patient So I hooe Shepreth student right. I'd have had to say something about it, you're not supposed to feel stressed - especially in your own home! Grrr its put me in a rant

Perhaps if you move to Autralia you can be called Sheila,like all the other ladies 😂I don't think she was trying to patronise you and make you feel inferior my love(whoops)she was probably really nervous and that was her trying to display a warm and friendly bedside manner so it is unfortunate that it upset you.

Love(whoops) Ski's and Scruff's .

🙃😻 x

Mavary profile image
Mavary in reply to skischool

Ha Ha! Love!!!!

I worked with patients for a good many years, back in the 1970's we were only allowed to use the patient's surname, unless they asked for another name to be used. More recently, it was considered an offence, for which I would pull up juniors, if they used what was considered patronising names with older people.

When I worked as a sheltered housing warden I had 52 elderly people under my care. I referred to them either by their first names ( with permission) or by Mr/Mrs and their surname. Perhaps its my previous experience that makes me more aware now. I don't mind you calling me "love " Skis, I'd rather be wound up than patronised!😂

Was she talking slowly and nodding her head as she talked to you also ? , lol ,

Aingeful profile image
Aingeful in reply to soulboy118


garshe profile image
garshe in reply to soulboy118

I just hate that especially when they shout also as if you are deaf. xxSheila 🙌💕

soulboy118 profile image
soulboy118 in reply to garshe

Lol, ignorance is bliss when your young isn't it x

I understand why you’d find thus frustrating and patronising. I’m not a medic but I’m a social worker. I always start by addressing someone as Mr Smith and follow up by asking how they want me to address them. I reserve ‘sweetheart’ and similar for terms of endearment and generally, we tend not to have relationships like that with health care professionals!

Murray58 profile image
Murray58 in reply to crashdoll

What if their name is not Smith? 😂

Don-1931 profile image
Don-1931 in reply to Murray58

You are in the wrong house! 😱

Murray58 profile image
Murray58 in reply to Don-1931


Mavary profile image
Mavary in reply to Don-1931


Karenanne61 profile image
Karenanne61 in reply to Murray58


Re Carnival's comment on the way that some people think that elderly people are hard of understanding, I have experience of this unfortunately! I was in one of our local stores and couldn't find the product I was looking for. I asked the young assistant if they had any in stock. She apologised and said they hadn't any in the store .She then asked if I had anyone that could go online for me!! As someone who has worked on computers since the early 90s,again I had the urge to smack her hard!!😠

Gladwyn profile image
Gladwyn in reply to Aingeful

I burst out laughing at that lol! Aw bless her , she was only trying to be helpful but I understand your reaction hahhahaha

Mavary profile image
Mavary in reply to Aingeful

Ha Ha! The thing is not a lot of especially older people are computer wise.

garshe profile image
garshe in reply to Aingeful

I was in a shop yesterday the assistant asked every young customer for their e.mail address and did they want an e.mail receipt. She didnt ask me just said ok love. My daughter said to her. My mum is a qualified Accountant did you think she didnt have an e.mail address. The girl went bright red.lol xxSheila 💕🙌

Where I totally understand why you feel patronized in such a situation, I wonder… (and I mean this not like sarcasm - written word has no tone and can be taken wrong so easily) … what is more important to you psychologically: what the person meant by their actions OR how hearing these terms and tone makes you feel overall? The only reason I went to this question intimately is because I have family and friends how speak to loved ones and strangers alike in these ways. And mainly the do not have any disrespect in their spirit with these mannerisms. And again their intention does not automatically not feel how you felt - and you are justified in your feelings. But for me how can often feel patronizing in people I have tried to believe on the intent side of things and attempt to stretch my grace for women (my species kind). I try to believe in the better of people - not that it’s always reality or realistic. But it seems to lighten my load of my psyche. But no one person out here has it rjght; I probably am off on this concept. My own truth is I wish us women would support each other more and pick on the men more!! Not each other! Now I’m way off topic! Must be all the mushrooms I ate tonight! Lol. Joke. I didn’t really! Peace and live with PASSION!

Aingeful profile image
Aingeful in reply to CJgoog117

You are a lot more tolerant than me C J! Perhaps Don is right,perhaps I am just an old grumpy!😀

CJgoog117 profile image
CJgoog117 in reply to Aingeful

Lol! It takes effort and a lot of prayer! And I can sound patient and kind in written words while in real life I’m impatient and a bit of a brat too often! I’m working on it! I like to say I’m in the process of becoming graceful!

Yep! I hate that, always have.....slap earned lol!

So I'm not the only one that doesnt like been called by these name ,makes me feel hopeless

I don't mind dear, sweetheart ,lovely etc. too much. Must be growing old. But I do dislike people calling me Christine when I haven't asked them to, especially males in suits who think they are the bees knees (mainly males though not all these days) because they are so knowledgeable and I'm just an ignorant little lady. Especially annoying when I think that they must behave in the same way to people who really are vulnerable. Amazing how condescending Christine can sound. ☹☹😖

Blackcat99 profile image
Blackcat99 in reply to Alberta56

I'm with you on this, Christine. Have no problem with professionals using my Christian name once they know me, but being greeted that way by a total stranger really sets my teeth on edge! When I was a social worker, I always greeted new clients as Mr/Mrs/Miss/etc., usually working our way round to first names as we got to know one another. However, I do remember once elderly lady immediately asking me to call her by her first name - because, she said, everyone who used to use her first name had died, and being called Mrs So-and-so just emphasised to her that she had outlived her real lifetime. So - we all tend to see things differently, so the answer is definitely to ask each person for their own preferences!

I agree, it is quite intimidating to be called those things and when we aren’t feeling good too. It’s nice to be cared for respectfully and not with mushy words. ( it’s ok to call your own grandchildren or someone close to you these loving words 🙂❤️.)

It's not just you.

Exactly- if it happens to me I call them patronising names back- love, sweetheart etc - if all else fails I say My name is......

I’m with you. I hate being called names like that. I grate my teeth and hold my tongue. Why do people try to treat older people as if they are children?

I just had a thought! If someone calls you dear or love just say oh No! My name is Aingeful. Say it as soon as the first love or sweetheart whatever comes out. That will probably stop them in their tracks.

This predictive texting is awful...Sent a message to my neighbour telling him i was sorry i was using his wife for the past 3 months as mine was just bloody useless and i was waiting for an upgrade.

Meant to say WIFI.

Aingeful profile image
Aingeful in reply to Mrbojangles

Brilliant!! 😂

CDPO16 profile image
CDPO16 in reply to Mrbojangles

Tricky situation 😁

I laughed out loud!!!! Thank you

Mavary profile image
Mavary in reply to Mrbojangles

Love it!! 😁😂🤣

I 100% totally agree with you Sheila. This is something that infuriates me. I would definitely speak to your nurse and explain how this is the wrong term to refer to anyone .some young shop assistants have a habit of doing this. I always shake my head and give the look lol. It is totally disrespectful. Hope you are well and enjoying this lovely weather. Sending hugs xxSheila 💕🌞🙌

I have also had the other extreme which winds me up - the OVER use of my name. I find when someone keeps repeating my name in every sentence or so comes across fake and patronising. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Aingeful profile image
Aingeful in reply to Echoblue

Oh yes.......!!!🙄

Totally agree.As a retired nurse I used to say "what would you like to be called?"

It takes only a minute and shows respect for the individual.

It remains a bear bug of mine and don't start me on the current training on some nursing courses......

I agree I would not like to referred as"Dear" Or love. It's so hard to be put on the spot and think of something to say. Wishing afterwards that you had said something. I do that all the time. XxX

Should have said "call me Sheila dear"

It would infuriate me - I have name so use it!

Its just being friendly for goodness sake. There is enough miserable Bs around its nice to be friendly.Lighten up it will make you feel better


I agree😀

Another total agreement. Having spent 3 sessions in hospital recently, ALL the staff on the wards used these terms to most of the patients. I think they are just too lazy to try and remember their patients names. It is not difficult these days as they are split so they only have a group of 8 patients on their 'patch'

I found this topic of conversation very interesting and I found a lot of the comments amusing.I had a chat with my old man about it, when he gets the help and results he expects he tells the person on the other side of the phone "thanks darling or sweetheart" if it's a woman or "my old mate" if it's a man, I told him they might not like these terms, he said that is the way old Londoners talk and he will not change a habit of a lifetime.🤔🤐

I said to my husband the other day, 'I think we must be really old now!' Why? Because the medics have become rather patronising. The heart failure nurse is a gem, but she speaks to my husband as though he's 8, not 78. It's really funny to hear the things she says to him. We both have a good chuckle afterwards as it's meant with kindness really.

Then there's our lovely, kind, helpful GP who says, 'Oh, bless you.' whenever I tell her what's wrong with me - not just once, but many times during our conversation. Once again, it sounds as though I'm being addressed as a 7 yr old instead of a 70 yr old. The pharmacist does it too. On the phone he is quite sickly sweet with lots of , 'Oh bless you's' and, 'My love', and various other patronising terms but he does a great job so I forgive him.

The other thing they all do is, when I ask them to repeat something (because I'm a bit deaf and they all speak so quickly and often with foreign accents) is they start to take me through it step by arduously slow step. I often jump in and say, 'I'm sorry, I just didn't catch what you said first time around. I really don't need everything explained in detail again. The first half dozen words will do!'

Yes, sometimes I do feel like slapping them, but I hold that in check because I know that they are really trying hard to do their best for me and there may be other patients who really enjoy being 'Blessed' and 'Loved' and 'Sweethearted'. None of them are in my social circle, but I'm guessing they are out there somewhere! l.ol! xx Moy

I absolutely hate terms like this, especially when they are used towards me from people who are the same age as my grandchildren. I find it highly offensive and shows absolutely no respect whatsoever. When I was nursing we were taught to respect patients and always ask what they preferred to be addressed as and it was noted on their medical documents. If in doubt, it was Miss, Mrs or Mr.

ninelives profile image
ninelives in reply to daysyday1

Agree in hospital you are relegated to status of patient.Your name belongs to you and may be the only thing of individuality you have.

There are often many "darlings" "lovely" "sweetheart" on the wards but there is only one me.

My first name was chosen with love thought and care when I was born.

I am not a diagnosis or flippant shallow endearment.

Wow needed to blow a fuse on that now where's me Sunday cuppa tea!

My mother always said "Call me anything you like but never late for m'dinner"

I don't mind what I'm called. I go by tone of voice. I think I got used to being called some strange things because so many people got, still get, my name wrong. I'm Glenys but I've been Glynis, Gladys, Gwen, Glenda, Grace and even had a letter to Geoffry.

So really love, dear, darling are in some ways an improvement.

However if I don't like the tone of voice used I put on my best school marm voice and say "My name is Mrs West"

I'm just wondering, how did she carry out the given task of giving you the Iron Injection, was she good at it?

Aingeful profile image
Aingeful in reply to ostiad

That was my first thought when she approached me! However,she managed ok.

Glad she managed, sounds like she needs to practice her bedside manner, then hopefully she will succeed 🙏 xx

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