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Virus and Domestic violence

dembonesDAMNBONES profile image

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dembonesDAMNBONES
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cofdrop-UK profile image
cofdrop-UK

I have worried about the women, children and indeed men who are trapped in a dwelling where there is domestic violence. I just can’t imagine how horrific this must be.

Cx

dembonesDAMNBONES profile image
dembonesDAMNBONES in reply to cofdrop-UK

It's something that never quite leaves you, even as decades pass.

A mannerism, even a look, sets off a chain of memories.

I was a victim, as a child, along with my mother and siblings, then less than a decade ago with an ex partner.

Normal circumstances offer some relief, in that they or you can usual vacate the house and it's a period of safety for you.

Unfortunately, isolation only exacerbates the situation for far too many people.

It's a dreadful thing to happen, even in itself, this virus, but will only make matters worse for other, who may not die of the virus, but at the hands of a partner, father, or whatever.

My heart goes out to them.

Stay safe!

cofdrop-UK profile image
cofdrop-UK

I am so very sorry you, your mum and your siblings had to go through this dD. My heart goes out to you and to everyone trapped in this situation at this time. They must be treading on egg shells. Very sad.

Love cx

dembonesDAMNBONES profile image
dembonesDAMNBONES in reply to cofdrop-UK

Thank you, but it's important I keep reminding myself it's behind me now, yet that still doesn't stop me being furious with bullies, be they male or female.

Often, I'm the first to observe a pattern of behaviour begin and progress.

You can lead a horse to water... as they say.

I only wish our govt would make an announcement of, say, severe prison sentences for those found guilty in these difficult times, as that would definitely act as a detergent to a great many, if the bullies thought they'd spend several years behind bars, instead of a lenient sentence.

To some it wouldn't prove much of a deterent, but that type are absolutely insane anyway.

Sadly, no one case to fit all.

O2Trees profile image
O2Trees in reply to dembonesDAMNBONES

I guess that never leaves you dembones, awful for you to go through that.

Thanks for posting this - domestic violence workers are predicting the same over here. There's a suggestion from local activists for women and children (usually women) to be able to live in second homes for the duration of the current situation. That's if they can get away.

dembonesDAMNBONES profile image
dembonesDAMNBONES in reply to O2Trees

And those working within this field know what they're talking about.

Will their voice be heard?

I hope so, but very much doubt it, as domestic violence has never featured highly on the agenda, since the 70s, when Erin Pizzey championed the cause, risking court on a daily basis for overcrowding the Victorian house she'd purchased as a shelter for the victims, then other homes she'd shamed or cajoled different councils to donate.

Landmark legal judgements were made back then, too, in order to better protect victims.

Nowadays, it's like the entire issue has been swept back under the carpet.

Smh.

O2Trees profile image
O2Trees in reply to dembonesDAMNBONES

I was a refuge worker in the 70s dembones - in London. But now there's no legal aid and refuges are being/have been shut. Shocking.

dembonesDAMNBONES profile image
dembonesDAMNBONES in reply to O2Trees

You've gone even further up in my estimation. 👍

CWA?

O2Trees profile image
O2Trees in reply to dembonesDAMNBONES

Chiswick Women's Aid? No, I was part of NWAF National Womens Aid Federation - there were all kinds of ideological differences between the two but they all did the job. I think Erin believed in working with the men too which sometimes produced a pressure to mend the relationship so that women could return. But she was a true pioneer.

dembonesDAMNBONES profile image
dembonesDAMNBONES in reply to O2Trees

I was hoping, had you said you worked at 369, to be able to suss your true identity. 😂😂😂

I was CWA from '75 - '79.

Erin and Anne's fear of going down the Federation route was the govt could pull the plug, any time they chose.

I agree wholeheartedly with you about her, concerning her goal of reuniting families, but felt it was the wrong route to take, also.

I never saw a success story, unfortunately.

Sadly, to outward appearances, they both had successful marriages, but both later divorced being victims of their partners' mental abuse.

I last saw Erin in the early 80's.

She was back in the UK to promote another book.

Erin Pizzey and Anne Ashby.

I wonder if their names will be remembered, once the likes of you and I shed our mortal coils? 🤔😂

O2Trees profile image
O2Trees in reply to dembonesDAMNBONES

So lovely to find someone who shares history dembones. We were working at the same time too. I got into it as I was ducking and diving early 70s and met a (lifelong) friend who was volunteering at the local refuge. So then still ducking and diving but in a new context, doing everything. I remember plastering a wall, killing a rat (really!) besides meeting dangerous men to oversee access. Then we did get some money and I became a paid worker for two years. After 5 years variously as volunteer, on management committee and as paid worker I got burnt out and left to begin a photographic degree - big change. But those years were a time of extraordinary learning and experience.

Interesting to hear about Erin and Anne - no-one is immune I guess.

O2Trees profile image
O2Trees

Reported in the Guardian this morning - eight women have died from domestic violence in the last two weeks. Four a week - good god. This from CDW, the Counting Dead Women project. Now women's aid organisations are calling for the government to support refuges so women have somewhere to go. Shocking the unintended consequences of this virus may make the government do what they should have been doing all along instead of cutting legal aid and funding for refuges.

theguardian.com/society/202...

dembonesDAMNBONES profile image
dembonesDAMNBONES in reply to O2Trees

Damn, I was almost finished my reply when someone knocked on my door.

Ambulance for my next door neighbour, who has been coughing up a storm the last two days with sporadic vomiting.

He's away with them, sporting an oxygen mask.

He's vastly overweight and normally has to stop on each landing and half landing to catch his breath.

I mentioned to him, a few years back, that he should have himself checked out, but, overall, he's a rather surly individual and I'm one of the few he actually exchanges greetings with.

I'm guessing, as well as hoping it's just a mild stomach upset, brought on by bringing phlegm up from the lungs, rather than the virus.

Anyway, I lost what I'd typed, so to recap, I pretty much mirrored your own experiences, starting as a volunteer on three squares, fares, but was given the occasional free gratis backhander.

I was jack of all trades and also minder, babysitter, cheerleader, etc.

You know the drill.

When I left, having been paid for only the last year, I began work in the Beeb's archive dept.

What a wasteful organisation they are!

It was a worker's market, back then, so jobs, you'll remember, were ten a penny, at least in London and the Shires.

Boredom, my bane, drove me from there to Woolworths, B&Q, back to the Beeb, back to B&Q... yadda-yadda.

It was an extraordinary time and most memories I cherish.

Just seen your second comment, as I began replying to your first.

I'm sickened to the pit of my stomach and worry for any children involved!

Now we'll see what parliament is truly intending, which won't be just their usual lip service, hopefully.

I'm stunned to my core that such behaviour still continues in this day and age.

Smh.

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