Family don't understand.

[austral]

Family don't understand my illness and ha v stopped coming to see me. They think it is all about me being a past smoker. I feel like a bad person very lonely and sad.

[Caspiana]

Hello austral .

I'm not quite sure I understand. If I am reading this right you no longer smoke? So, why are they not coming to see you? This does make me sad. xx 🌿

[austral in reply to Caspiana]

No I am not smoking.

[Caspiana in reply to austral]

Well, I'm sorry they don't understand. Do they think your illness is your own fault and so they don't want to know?

[Fleurbaby]

Austral, l know what you have put up with! My friends are the same, I have gone through the whole xmas/new year period, something like 4/5 weeks with no contact at all, l Facebook a public post, explaining , no hard feelings on my part! I fully understand the importance of time with your loved ones, distance from what can be a heart breaking time feeling helpless while your friend has to go through the agony alone!

All l wanted was 20 seconds of your time to send an emoji, to your mate , but, nothing.

[2greys]

It is no surprise that they do not understand. They need a little education.

"89% of the general public do not know of COPD nor it's implications".

ukctg.nihr.ac.uk/trials/tri...

[Ergendl]

Oh, how sad. I hope they come round to understanding a bit more very soon.

[monju]

Dear austral, family can be such a pain.. Why would anyone judge someone illness on what habits they had or still have, I have learnt in life, just lookafter yourself, if they want to see you they know where you are. Some families don't know how to deal with the illness,perhaps you can ask them to call the nurse at you doctor or BLF. I found by talking to my close friends helped so they knew how things would progress and what to expect. Just be patient and let them come back to you. Try and keep busy. Stay positive and keep safe. ♥ Xx

[Izb1]

Hi austral, if we had known then what problems smoking would cause none of us would have ever started. How rotten of your family/friends to judge you so harshly, If they want to see you then they know where you live, ignore them and let them come round in their own time. In the meantime try to build a social life for yourself. Look up the sites in your area and join anything and everything to see what suits you best, you are bound to make friends which does help and just know that you have support on this site. You are not a bad person so please dont feel like this, guilt is something we all feel in the beginning but you need to move past this and be more positive, you can live a good full life if you manage this properly. Good luck to you and learn to love yourself. Irene x

[austral in reply to Izb1]

Thank you so much for your kind words, I am going to join a club to meet people and get out a bit. The hospital have helped a lot with support and this site has helped no end. Xx

[Burbagegran]

I'm sorry your family blame you. COPD is a disease that non-smokers can have and also what about all the non-smokers who don't suffer from it?

A little education can go a long way, sometimes.

I hope they come around some time for your sake, in the meantime take care of yourself and take comfort from all of your friends on this site.

Joan

[Corin1950]

Hi austral

How unfortunate for you. You must feel very hurt particularly as COPD can be caused by a variety of factors of which smoking is one. Perhaps try inviting them round individually and explaining this to them. AND so what if you smoked. It doesn't mean your family should shun you. Not everyone's actions are 100% healthy all the time. We eat the wrong foods, overeat, lead sedentary lifestyles etc etc

I do not have COPD but I care for my husband who has severe emphysema.

I've noticed some of his friends hardly visit him now. I think they find it hard to see him so ill. Some aren't sympathetic because they think it's self inflicted by his smoking.

Others come regularly and cheer him up. He enjoys their visits and talking about subjects other than his illness.

Take good care of yourself and keep posting.

Corin

[Sandyeggo]

I’m really sorry, I too have the same problem. But no need to be lonely find another source of company to keep. If you’re able to get out of the house go socialize with others. Try not to let it bother you we are all here to be like family. Or maybe you could just talk to one of them privately about how you feel

[austral in reply to Sandyeggo]

Thank you for your kind reply. This i s lovely sight it helps so much. Xx

[O2Trees]

Hi austral, Your family need to know that there are other causes of copd besides smoking - environmental pollution, genetic predisposition. Plus only 20% of smokers get copd and 20% of people with copd have never smoked.

When we were smoking in the past we did not have access to the medical information about smoking that we have today. In fact cigarettes were given to the forces in the wars to relax them and help cope with anxiety, and governments still have a vested interest in people as they benefit from taxing cigarette companies.

DONT FEEL GUILTY!! Joining a social group is a good idea and I dont know if above anyone has mentioned Breathe Easy groups. They are a support network run as part of the British Lung Foundation and there are lots round the country. Search for them on the BLF website. Good luck!

[Hidden]

Oh my word austral! A bad person for having an illness? Please put that thought to bed right now. I’m sorry your family feel that way please don’t follow their suit. As one of my doctors said to me... it’s fashionable/convenient these days to blame all illnesses on lifestyle and that’s especially true of COPD. It comforts the healthy to think that if they live a virtuous lifestyle then no harm can come to them. Truth is there are so many other factors at play. For a start, only a minority of smokers develop COPD. The hard fact is that it seems to be genetic or a pre-existing vulnerability. If we’d known, we wouldn’t have done it. Also, there are real reasons people smoke or find it hard to quit. Be kind to yourself. You’ve done the most important thing right within your power and that’s quit smoking. You deserve celebrating and cheerleading for that!! It’s no small thing. If you can’t find that support with your family it must hurt terribly but lease know that you have that support and cheerleading here. Much love. Xxx