How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited?
He keeps a log book.
What did Miley Cyrus serve up for Christmas dinner?
When is pizza an acceptable Christmas food?
If it’s deep pan, crisp and even.
What did the Kremlin send MI6 in their Christmas hamper?
A mince spy.
How did the Three Wise Men figure out Jesus was exactly 6lb 9oz when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger.
What happened to the burglar who robbed an advent calendar factory?
He got 25 days.
Why is Mrs Claus always checking Santa’s phone?
He seems to know where all the naughty girls live.
Why did the Christmas tree lose its job at the blood bank?
It kept dropping needles.
Why did Santa’s little helper go in for counselling?
He suffered from low elf esteem.
What does Prince George play at Christmas instead of musical chairs?
Game of Thrones.
What happened when Santa got stuck in the chimney?
He had an attack of Claustrophobia.
What did the drunk snowman say to the carrot?
‘Get out of my face!’
What goes 'Oh, Oh, Oh'?
Santa walking backwards
Why are Christmas trees bad knitters?
They keep losing their needles
Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose
Two snowmen were standing in a field.
One said, "Can you smell carrots?"
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Why did Santa have to go to the hospital?
Because of his poor elf.
I Got a Christmas card full of rice today.
I think it was from my Uncle Ben.
🎅🎅 Laugh Out Loud – It’s Christmas 🎄🎄