Humour For A Wet & Miserable Day - Doctor Jokes.

[sufferer2]

Nothing too offensive or 'sick' to try and brighten the day for all you lovely 'peeps' on HealthUnlocked. I hope they brighten your day.

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.

My doctor told me I needed to break into a sweat at least once a day so I told him I'd start lying to my wife.

Doc says, "Joe, I got some bad news for you. You've got six months to live." Joe says, "Six months? Doc, I can't pay your bill in six months, I can't do it!" Doc says, "OK, I give you a year..."

A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.

My psychiatrist said I was pre-occupied with vengeance so I said to him "oh yeah we'll see about that!"

The doctor told his patient to stop using cotton buds, but it went in one ear and out the other.

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering... do I keep the letters?

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, "A very good doctor".

What's the difference between God and a Doctor? God knows he's not a Doctor!

Doctor: "Well, it looks like you're pregnant." Woman: "Oh my God, I'm pregnant?!" Doctor: "No, it just looks like you are."

.....................................................................................................................................

[breatheeasy1]

Very funny thank you!😂😂

[sassy59]

Made me laugh, thanks Eric. Xxx 😂🤣

[hypercat54]

Very funny x

[Kristicats]

😂😂😂

[Ergendl]

Loved the last two especially.

[sufferer2 in reply to Ergendl]

Glad they made you laugh Ergendl. There was a real rib-cracker after the last one but admin took it out because it was too 'rude'. C'est la vie !!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙋

[mskpjb]

Very funny, thankyou, Sheila x

[donut43]

HO HO , Ha aaha. That's cheered me up. Thank you .

Dan

[WheezyAnne]

Very funny. Made me laugh.

[sufferer2 in reply to WheezyAnne]

Hi Anne, Here's one I forgot to include that may just 'tickle your ribs'.

Patient: "Doctor my hair keeps falling out, please give me something to keep it in".

Doctor: " I've got just the thing, here's a paper bag". lol 😜👍🙋

[WheezyAnne]

Hang on I'll just pick the hair up off the floor 120,121..........I need a bigger bag!!!!!! Now, what number was I up to? Lovely joke.

[Jeaniep]

Still picking mine up!!!😂 but glad I washed 🚿it first🙆.

Thank you for the laughs!👍💖

[sufferer2 in reply to Jeaniep]

Glad you had a laugh Jeaniep. I've put a load of Cracker Jokes on today - take a look at 'em and have a good groan. Keep well and Seasons Greetings from, Eric 🎅🎄🎅🎄🎇🎇

[Jeaniep]

Hi Eric,

I don't know why but I can't seem to find your 'cracker jokes' you said you have put on here today,

boo hoo😢.

Hope all well with you?.

[sufferer2 in reply to Jeaniep]

Stop your sobbing sweetie, here's a link for you: healthunlocked.com/blf/post...

[Jeaniep]

Thank you for the link

to your cracker-jokes great fun👍😄