Hi everyone - have just returned home after emergency admission to hospital last week after suffering a severe exacerbation of COPD and coupled with the pain I am now getting from the tumour in my upper right lung, I really thought I wouldn’t be coming home again.
It’s been one of the worst weeks ever, I was on the same ward as my late husband, admitted 3 days before his anniversary and genuinely felt at rock bottom. I was allowed home last night and feel really vulnerable (even though my sons/family members are doing as much as they can) it’s not the same as having someone there 24/7. Just hope that I will start to feel a bit stronger and more able to cope sooner rather than later.
The doctors didn’t want me to stay any longer in hospital because of the risk of picking up any other infection and were quite happy with my oxygen/carbon dioxide levels, otherwise I think I would still be in there.
Sorry for sounding so depressing, I just want to feel more able to manage things without getting exhausted.
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Lmax
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Sorry to hear what your going through Lmax. Your right, it isn't the same, not having someone with you all the time. My partner died 6 years ago and when I'm unwell, I feel even more alone and lost without him here to comfort me.
I hope you soon start feeling better as you recover from your ordeal.
I knit to keep myself from getting too down in the dumps, it helps keep my mind off my problems xx
Thank you for your response - this feeling of being alone is awful and quite frightening when it's the first time you have been ill since being widowed. When I'm feeling well I do try keeping busy doing a bit of sewing, "gardening" (messing about with pots is all I'm able to do now) and writing letters to friends etc.
I know what you mean. I find it hard to socialise anyway, but I long for company with someone who understands my limitations. Once people realise you can't come out at the drop of a hat, the invites dwindle. I'm lucky that I don't live alone, my son's and brother live with me but I'm finding it hard keeping up with the housework they cause. Not to mention the in and out at all hours. Especially, when I don't feel well. I think when They finally move out, I would like to live in sheltered housing, that have lots of like minded people and plenty going off. There are plenty of flats ect... Around here like that.
Is there anywhere like that for you where you live?
My late husband and I considered buying one of these assisted living flats of which there were loads being built in the surrounding areas, but decided at the time that “we weren’t quite ready for that yet”. A different story now, trouble is there are none available where I would like to be. There is an “ assisted living village “ just being built not far from my eldest son which would be ideal - but given the diagnosis with the cancer it is all very “iffy” as to whether I will be around by the time it is finished! Sorry to sound so negative but I don’t want to go through all the hassle of selling my house, buying a flat, and moving only to find I’m too ill to enjoy it! When I start to feel a bit stronger and more able to cope I will have another look at things.
Meantime in your case, you must put your own health first - can’t your son and brother take a turn in doing a bit of housework for you, even doing the washing up is a help.
I live in a Mc Carthy Stone apartment. It’s not an assisted living place but we do have pendants that you can wear all the time. So if you need help you just press it. It’s the warmest place I’ve ever lived in. The bedroom temperature even in hard winter doesn’t drop below 65 - 68 degrees. Maybe something like that could suit you. I moved in a few years before my late Husband had IPF. It’s the best thing we could have done in the circumstances. He wanted to get somewhere that there was no work to do. We get the gardens done, the windows cleaned and the communal areas cleaned. You are allowed to have carers too if needed. Like I said it’s worth thinking about if you’re not ready for assisted living.
Hi Mavary - my son gets all the latest info on the various developments being built in the area near him, most of which are lovely but extremely expensive. My only question is how do they feel about people on oxygen? I could only have a ground floor flat but can never find any info on where I could store my oxygen dewars/cylinders etc. The company reps haven’t been very knowledgeable and promise to “get back to you”....I’m still hoping to find out from someone somewhere. Meantime my son has applied for a careline pendant for me together with a security door key etc., so we’ll see how things go.
My Husband was on oxygen. He had a large machine thing beside where he sat which he could take the lead all round the apartment.. He also had portable oxygen containers which he could go out with when he was fit enough. So yes! There’s no reason not to have it.
Your not being negative Lmax, just practical. You don't need the extra stress until your cancer is dealt with.
My son's do help out quite a bit, but, in a man way. Hahaha.
I'm just finding it hard to accept and adjust to not being able to do what I used to do, through the fibro, not my breathing.
I Really hope things work out well for you Lmax, it's trials like your enduring, that 'One day at a time.' is the best way to deal with feeling low. xx
I think we all find it hard to adjust to not being able to do all the things we used to do and today has been a bad one for me - everything completely overwhelmed me and my poor son and daughter-in-law got the lot!! But they were wonderful in reassuring me that I'm not alone - they are always ready to drop everything if needs be to help. As you say "one day at a time" (and a bit of patience)!! xx
Your son and daughter in law sound lovely! I hope you'll feel a bit stronger soon and that things will brighten a little. Rest and don't overdo things.
So sorry Lmax, yes, hospital makes us feel very vulnerable. Like casp i lost my partner 6 years ago n i to knit n crochet to keep my mind occupied. It's good that you have help from your Son and family. I do hope you feel stronger n better soon. 😊✌️🌻
Wishing you a speedy recovery and you are not alone .its horrid feeling vulnerable but bit by bit you will slowly get there ,don'trush your self you need to be fully recovered to start enjoying this beautiful weather we are having.it took me about 4 weeks to get my strength back after my last bout in hospital .plenty of tv and crosswords got me through xx
Hi Lmax, sorry to hear you have been poorly, its horrid to be alone when you feel ill, alot of tlc for yourself and rest as much as possible, reading, writing, hobbies, tv. Take care. Irene x
You will feel Better soon takes a little time. I too went in and picked up a Bug and was sent home to be Re-admitted. It is an awful Feeling, but we are stronger than we think. Your family are doing their Best for you at this moment. We are Angels on Earth, your Hubby is looking over you. Take care Hun. Love n Hugs XXXX
Wishing you perk up real soon lmax can relate to the loneliness I on my own family is all broken down ! now rely on my friends to chat too . take good care regards Davy boy x
Hi I'm glad you are home .It takes time to get over an exacerbation .we are all here for you .Sorry that it seemed to coincide with the time you lost your husband .You must now keep healthy and fight this rotten disease .Things will get better as I hope you do too .Big hugs .🤞❤️❤️
Hello Lmax . You will be exhausted after a severe exacerbation so stop trying to do too much. I know there are so many hours alone after the door closes on the last visitor. So - when a member of your family is there - no more " No I'll manage, don't worry " (been there!) Instead ask them to make you up a flask and sandwiches or a meal you can put in the microwave. Then spoil yourself - watch TV or read a book - anything you WANT to do, not HAVE to do. Just because you're out of hospital doesn't mean you're back to normal. And look forward to the next family member to appear. You could spend your time writing a list of tasks for them ! Let them help you as you helped them. We independent ones are our own worst enemies. Hope you feel a lot better soon, Sheila xxx
I'm foxy79 I feel you as we forget that mainly with copd it's us who are in common control I been in hospital last was 4-12-16 for 2days toll 6-12-16 I swear as I get frequently chest infection but I manage my copd respiratory type 2 asthma broncechtisis emphysema I'm on oxygen nebulizer and bipeb machine with colomycine with other tablets only thing keep having your meds on time and measure your Sats with oxymeter just follow hospital at your home think your in hospital work if you would like to know more please text me take care hope you feel better
It's normal that you feel very vulnerable without your husband. However, try not to rush your recovery, because you'll only feel worse. Let your sons/family members help as much as they can. If you do need more help contact your local council to see what help you can get. Hopefully you'll be back on your feet soon and feel stronger, both physically and mentally. Take care. All best wishes and hugs x
Hi Lmax. I’m in the same situation as you. I was in hospital last week with pneumonia. I feel so weak and have been told not to do anything for six weeks. How can you not do anything when there’s washing to do. Because I was ill for three weeks before the dust is sky high. My Niece has said she will do it for me. My Sons have all got busy lives but my youngest one does do all my shopping. I really feel for you as I lost my Husband four years ago. It’s when you are ill that you could really do with them by your side. I refuse to go to the hospital that my Husband died in. Even after four years I don’t think I could go there. The Drs are very understanding and now don’t send me there for anything. We have got another one that is about the same distance away but in another direction. If you need to chat feel free. I’m not going anywhere for another five and a half weeks.
It’s really bought it home to me just how vulnerable we are - you and I seem to be travelling along the same road at the moment! My niece came round the day after I came out of hospital and stripped the bed, washed, dried and ironed all the bedding, then put the vacuum round. Made me feel exhausted just watching her but also so so grateful. I really shouldn’t complain because I do get help from my family but it’s when they can manage to get here. I’m afraid I had a bit of a “meltdown “ today when everything seem to hit me all at once and my poor son got the brunt of it but he was marvellous - just like his Dad. Hope you start to feel better soon.
Thanks Lmax. My Sons check up on me and like I say my youngest one who has a two year old and a six year old does all my shopping for me. This is the difference between Daughters and Sons. My Sisters and I used to do my parents housework and shopping. It’s so frustrating when you know it needs doing and can only do things in short spurts. I’ve not only got pneumonia I’ve also got trouble with my hiatus hernia playing up. I can only eat very low fat foods at the moment. I still get pain even then. I’ve lost nine pounds in two weeks. I rang my Dr the other day telling him where the pain was and he made me ring 999. I was very embarrassed when they turned up with flashing blue lights. I told the Dr and the 999 services that it was my hiatus hernia and not to rush here but because the pain was high in my tummy, you could almost say my chest. I have to see the Dr tomorrow to see what they are going to do. I hope you feel better soon too.
Like you I have 2 sons, both married, both with two sons each (I'm surrounded by boys). I tell my daughters-in-law to be prepared for doing everything for themselves because once their sons leave home and possibly get married, they will take second place to their son's partners - which is exactly how it should be. My daughters-in-law are both lovely girls and do as much for me as time allows but obviously their own families come first and I wouldn't have it any other way. My sisters (who both have daughters) and I used to do everything for our parents when they were ill and couldn't manage and as you say it's so frustrating not to be able to do stuff yourself. However I have now got myself a cleaner who comes in once a week and he will do anything I ask, even the ironing! He has been an absolute godsend so that's one less thing to worry about.
Sorry to hear you are suffering pain, I'm sure when you visit the doctor he will be able to reassure you. Take care of yourself.
You’re right! Once you lose your partner you’re on your own. We do take second place and yes! That’s how it should be. Saying that I looked after my Mother in law and had her come to live with us for a couple of years. It didn’t work very well and this is why I would never put on my Children. I’ve always said I wouldn’t live with any of them. My eldest Son did offer for me to go there to recover when I came out of hospital. I said thank you but no. I’m very independent and like to do things in my time so it wouldn’t work out. It was a lovely offer though. I’ve got three Daughter in Laws. I’ve seen one since I’ve been ill. She works lots of hours. The others work as well. Between that and looking after their Children they wouldn’t have time to help me. My Son who is on his own has COPD so I wouldn’t ask him to do anything anyway. It’s so difficult on your own. MyNeice will do a lovely job I know. Her home is just so. I mean that in a nice way. I’ve got far too much but can’t get rid of it because I’ve had it given me. I’ve got loads of photos of the Grandchildren too. I’ve got ten Grandchildren and two Great Grandchildren. I love them all to bits.
Hope you’re feeling better today. Have you seen your doctor? I’m still feeling really weak and having twinges of pain across my back so will be on the painkillers very soon.
My cleaner has just been in and everything looks lovely and clean and tidy. When I look back and think about how I fought against having a cleaner I think I must have been mad - it’s the best money I’ve ever spent and enables the rest of the family more time to do other things.
I feel ok in myself. Bit breathless but I’m still weak. I’m going to have to put the duster round as I can’t stand looking at it. My Niece won’t be here till Wednesday afternoon. I had a big operation eight years ago and had to have a cleaner then. I must admit you feel so much better when it’s done. I do however like to do it myself. I’ve made up my mind to just let her get on with it as I really couldn’t do it at the moment. I hope your pains soon go.
Hello Lmax, it's no wonder that you feel vulnerable bless you, you have been through a big ordeal to say the least and your body needs time to recouperate. Be kind to yourself and take your time whilst recovering it's the only way forward. I hope you find the strength within to keep fighting. Please stay Intouch with us ? God Bless 🌹✋️🙂
Doing my best, not doing anything except trying to breathe calmly at moment. Got to keep going as I don’t want to end up back in hospital anytime soon.
I know how you feel there Lmax, I was admitted into hospital a few weeks ago with breathing problems related to copd emphaseama and I know how scary it is. Just hang on in there and get plenty of rest and hopefully you'l start to get stronger 🤞 take care 🌹xx
Glad you are back home Lmax.
I know it can be scary when you come out and left responsible to take care of yourself.
One chore at a time. One day at a time.
My daughter always tells me baby steps. Sitting down and pacing your breathing in between. Eat well, small meals more often if you are not hungry at first. Drink often little sips even you are not thirsty. You will get stronger again.
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