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PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!

MjRock profile image
MjRock
โ€ข22 Replies

Hi everyone!

When I was diagnosed with Emphysema last year I joined the BLF and was welcomed with open arms ๐Ÿ’œ Thank you to all who replied to my first post. However I have found myself in such a dilemma? I just need to let you know I have so many health issues, they are Chronic pain, Fibromyalgia, Barrett's disease, Emphysema, Chronic Migraines, and Clinical depression. Over the Christmas period I have never suffered so much pain! I had the worst dental abscess ever! The swelling covered three quarters of my face! With it being over Christmas I couldn't go to my dentist, I rang and rang and rang the emergency numbers but they were constantly engaged! Then I got the most severe sharp pain in the middle of my chest which took my breath away! Eventually I got through to the emergency services, they sent paramedics to my home. When they saw my face they looked shocked! I did look terrible a bit like the hunchback of Notre dame

However they were more concerned with my chest pain and quickly hooked me up to their ECG machine. My Blood pressure was 190/90 and my saturation was 97. My ECG was normal. They wanted me to go to hospital but I refused because I am stupid and stubborn

I wanted my abscess treated but they couldn't guarantee that and that was the main reason I refused, also I keep seeing poster's reminding me not to attend A&E dotted all over my GP's surgery. The next day my abscess burst! What came out of my mouth was vile! Now I am sat here with the flu! I am never free from pain! I live on my own and barring the paramedics I didn't see a soul over Christmas! I am not looking for sympathy, I am looking for your help, advice and understanding. The thing is I really tried to give up smoking, but whether it's because of my health with my depression going up and down like a yo-yo I just have failed miserably to stop smoking! Please don't hate me, I really want to give up but I can't and I know too if I don't my Emphysema will get worse! I need help and I have already exhausted the six weeks help offered me last year, I only attended 2 weeks because I was too ill to attend all of the course. There, this is sad old me now. I don't know who to turn to.

P.s

I am severely disabled so I am like a prisoner in my own home

I no longer have my carer's because they were taken off me when the government were making their cuts. I can't afford to pay for any either because the government cut my benefits too. Any suggestions - please!

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MjRock
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22 Replies
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Billiejean_2 profile image
Billiejean_2

Why would anyone hate you, with all the pain you're going through ? I am actually shedding a tear for you right now. Very ill myself right now and only advice I can give you is stop resisting. Let them take you to hospital and let them care for you. Good luck !

MjRock profile image
MjRock in reply to Billiejean_2

I was so scared to come back on this site because I was sure everyone would hate me, but I have found the opposite because of people like you. Thank you for understanding me ๐Ÿ’œ I am crying now because I've waisted 9 months of the brilliant support I would of received from this site had I not been too scared to pull myself together and face the critism I felt I deserved, but evidently didn't receive because you and every other person on this site have been so lovely, caring and compassionate with your replies ๐Ÿ’œ I only wish now that I could stop smoking these stupid cigarettes Aargh! I feel hopeless but nevertheless hugely inspired by the amount of lovely replies that I have received on this site, that I now feel that your belief in me is making me want to try and stop smoking! Yeahhh! I kept getting told by the GP's at my surgery my chest pains is down to my morphine, I wouldn't accept it because I have been taking Morphine for 15 years and up to 3 years ago I never had any chest pains. I pushed my GP for a 2nd opinion and now I've received an appointment to see a cardiologist. The o ly drawback is it's not until 10th December which is a long time to wait! I am now going to make a promise to myself that when I get another attack of pains in my chest I will call an ambulance to take me to hospital. This is because of you my dear friend๐Ÿ’œ you give me hope - Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your lovely reply. I am going to try and reply to all the 51 replies but not tonight or should I say morning because it is now nearly 2am, I just woke up to get a glass of water, then I noticed an email from Health unlocked which is not related to my post which made me wonder how many people think I am a stupid woman, but as I now have found out - I didn't get any bad replies. God Bless you for pulling me out of the darkness

Maria x

knitter profile image
knitter

No feelings of hate towards you but sympathy MjRock.

I am sorry that you are in so much pain, but could you try to make two phone calls today.....one to your GP and one to the BLF helpline. Or 111

Try and grab as much help as you can, I had to go to my GP this week as I have hurt my hip.......everyone at the surgery and the hospital couldn't be faulted. Even total strangers offered to help when I was stuck with pain.

Thinking of you and sending you best wishes.

sassy59 profile image
sassy59

Nobody hates you as you are suffering badly. My husband is in hospital with a suspected heart attack. He didnโ€™t want to go but was made to see sense.

Try and get your carers and benefits restored to you abs see if the Citizens Advice Bureau can help with that.

Wishing you well. Xxxxx

mrsmummy profile image
mrsmummy in reply to sassy59

Off topic comments removed and sent to sassy via PM.

y_not profile image
y_not

Wow! Hello,

I think you see that the "stopping smoking" is probably the key as it will improve your health, wealth & happiness.

When trying to stop, we all seem to think that, if we "fall off the waggon" that we have failed ... yet I can't find anywhere that says you have to stop and stay stopped from the first attempt. Each time that you decide to try stopping needs to be viewed as a "practice run" for the time when you achieve the goal. None are failures, just preparation!

As we are social creatures, you need to find some company but I'm afraid I don't know how you will do that and, similarly, stopping smoking is easier as a group than on your own.

I wish I could offer more help - maybe a focus on finding some [physical] support and then having a few practice runs as the cigs would lead to a much better outlook.

Just wish you all the best and hope you find the support you need

CEC47 profile image
CEC47

Such an awful time you are having you will get support here I have. Shame the carers were taken away have you asked again it sounds to me that you need them to help you, I have help,but we had to pay for it, take care and look after yourself you will fjhgt the battle with the smoking.x

corriena profile image
corriena

Many of us know the struggle to give up smoking so no we dont hate you but can empathize with you. With so much going on healthwise im not surprised you struggle. But please try again and again untill you succeed it will be worth the effort. Try and acsept all help thats offerd people realy do want to help. Call the blf help line they realy are good and can offer lots of advice from health to benifits. And when you are feeling overwelmed by it all thear is always us. Take care i hope you are soon feeling back in countroll

Damon1864 profile image
Damon1864Volunteer

So sorry you are in so much pain, wish I could help with that. You really need to make a few phone calls to your GP and get some advice from citizens advice. Stopping smoking is never easy but you will do it, I had loads of attempts before I gave up. I can understand when you say you feel like a prisoner I get left me that at times, but I decided to do an open university course and that's helped fill in my time. Ask your doctor about any groups you could go to,. You keep posting on here and please ring the British lung Foundation they can give you advice. We are all here for you, so please remember to keep posting. Take care, and good luck. Bernadette ๐Ÿ˜Šxxx

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54

Hi I can't add to the great advice you have been given except to say there is a quit smoking site on HU. If you type in Quit it will come up. I managed with their help to pack in the ciggies earlier this year and couldn't have done it without them.

I wish you the best. x

in reply to hypercat54

well done on giving up , I wish I had know there was a help group when I gave up , did you manage to give up on your first attempt I do admire people who do that took me several attempts

mrsmummy profile image
mrsmummy in reply to hypercat54

14 off-topic comments deleted.

cofdrop-UK profile image
cofdrop-UK

A very warm welcome to you MJ. There is no hate on here, only support. I am so sorry you have such a lot to deal with. Good advice from your friends above. I hope you find the strength to fight your corner to reinstate the help you need and that your health issues improve. You will find friendship and support here.

cx

with all your going through its a very hard thing to stop smoking , nobody will hate you , I know they put all the signs up about not going to A&E yours was a genuine case of needing medical treatment never feel that you shouldn't go if it happens again , its these people that go for stupid things like a broken nail or a very small cut that's caused the problems with A&E hope your feeling a bit better soon and hope some one can give you more advice to help

O2Trees profile image
O2Trees

Welcome MjRock - I second hypercat54's suggestion that you sign up with the HU Quit smoking site. There will be many on there who will have struggled just as you are doing now. Good luck :)

Roseking2001 profile image
Roseking2001

I am sorry you spend so much time alone :-( It is always good to have a chat to someone. Some voluntary services can arrange for someone to visit you for a friendly chat. If you are interested I can look into it for you? I know I bang on about it but have you thought of vaping as an alternative to smoking? The only good thing you get out of fags is a nicotine hit and with vaping you can choose a nicotine strength according to how many fags you smoked together with a nice flavour! Best wishes. xx

Dragonmum profile image
Dragonmum in reply to Roseking2001

You don't bang on about it half as much as I do Roseking - a simple switch to a tobacco/tar-free product and the problem is solved. Why am I not surprised that so few people on a lung disease forum are prepared to spread the word? So many extoll the virtues of cold turkey and will power - maybe it does work for some but it never worked for me even though I managed two years of abstinence I still caved in. Now we have a substitute that gives all the pleasure without the pain, is given the approval of Public Health England and yet it is barely mentioned in the very circles that need it most.

Roseking2001 profile image
Roseking2001 in reply to Dragonmum

I completely agree with you! :-)

casper99 profile image
casper99

Hi MjRock and welcome. You are going through a lot of stress and beating yourself up about stopping smoking, is making it worse.

If I was you, I would get the money situation sorted first, as soon as possible. Get help, as suggested by other posters.

Once you get it all sorted, then you'll find it easier to stop.

In the mean time, try cutting right down, ready for stopping.

I got down to 5 a day, then 4,3,2 and finally, one a night. I used the ecig and after about 2 days on one a night, I just stopped them. I shocked myself when I did hahaha.

Most people would feel the same in your present situation, so, don't feel bad because you can't stop smoking, when it couldn't be at a worse time for you.

You know you have to do it, but, you need to be in a better frame of mind,with minimal stress.

I have Fibro too and one thing that really flares it up, is stress and worry.

So, the sooner you get some help, the better.

Let us know how you get on xx

Dedalus profile image
Dedalus

Of course no-one hates you MjR. Don't forget, the majority of us have been there ourselves with the smoking. There's some great advice above, and I was told recently that Age Concern can sometimes help with temporary home help for people who have unforeseen needs in the short-term. Worth a try if you need urgent help. By the way, you were a hero getting through all those events and pain on your own over Christmas, so give yourself a big pat on the back x

Shirleyj profile image
Shirleyj

Sorry your feeling so low, my husband was a heavy smoker, then went on to vaping, he hasn't smoked a cigarette since, it's been nearly 2 years. He's still vaping, but I can live with that.

I can't believe your help has been taken away, hope your managing.

I hope you've seen your dentist and he has sorted your abcess out, I've had one and it is the most painful thing.

Speak to your doctor let them know how your feeling, they might be able to give you something. Keep your chin up and come back and chat to us x x x

mrsmummy profile image
mrsmummy

Please ring the BLF helpline on Monday - 03000 030 555 during office hours. They will be able to talk to you about your benefits and give advice.

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