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Funny Thoughts

I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I had amnesia once... or twice.

They told me I was gullible.. and I believed them.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.

What's another word for thesaurus?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

Is it my imagination, or do Buffalo wings taste like chicken

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Perhaps... here I'll prescribe this for you.

In a convent in Ireland, the 99-year-old Mother Superior lay quietly. She was dying.

The Nuns had gathered around her bed, laying garlands around her and trying to make her last journey comfortable. They wanted to give her warm milk to drink but she declined. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they lifted her head gently and held the glass to her lips. The very frail Nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to

have one last talk with their spiritual leader..

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom

before you leave us"

She raised herself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them and

said: "

"DON'T SELL THAT COW."

YES! Needed that today.

thank you xx

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