British Lung Foundation

I have lost all faith in people most of all my children

Today well wed the 18 I cried all day n night n still crying . whenever have tasked my children who are almost 44 n42 for help they have never come thru n as a single parent I was there for them 100% . and they saw how devoted I was to my mom. Thought it was setting a good example . but my oldest son was always calling n asking for advice . u see when we moved to Fla when they finished high school in New York. They hated Fla . they were young n wanted everything their way there was no surfing in Fla .I have had 26 surgeries since 1994. I have arthritis n started with knee surgeries all in all I've had 3 n I have had a thumb impant which my body rejectted. Than I had surgery on my other hand n carpal tunnel on both n ulna nerve damage , I wasn't allowed arthritis medication due to having many ulcers n a I'd reflux n stuff so to them it was oh ur in the hospital whatcekaecis new . very rude n they might walk in shoes one day . but 2 yrs ago Oct they found a hole in my heart now they operate on babies that are born with it ,i had no idea n with all preop test no one caught it n it was blessing in disguise cause when they went into fix it They found an anurizim n put a mesh in . my son was suppose to come down but never did .I blame his wife ,because if it was her family no way would he not show up she is in total control . but They have been keeping things from me about my gkids n I told Lori the wife how dare u not tell me my y yr old gson is having surgery the next morning . her entire family knew her sister planned a camping weekend with Penelope my 10 yr old cancer survivor n my strength.so it was an on going thing for months 2 diferent doctors head sleep apnea at 6 N was ha ing his tonsils out n I found Sunday night . 10 hrs prior .. I asked u d I l don't u think I have rhe same rights your mother has since see are both gmas . why did u think it wasn't worth telling me . They promised no more secrets but that didn't last n Lori said to me dont text I'm done I replied how dare u would let matt talk to your mother that way I dont think so . I am entitled to know everything avout my gkids n don't Gertrude with me .she stopped being a bully but now I have my first cataract surgery nov 1 N matt was coming down . so he said they were going to surprise me n come thanksgivin ing bull . but he can't come for both which is a lie . n and surgery Nov 15 . a week before thanksgiving . than I found out that Penelope is having surgery at Sloan Kettering Nov 9..I kept walking Lori where is the mole cancer doctors are worried aboutcask many times never told me .and now I know why. She mentioned that they will have leave Fri nite wed nite to Fri n costing thousands ,she said P has a soccer game Sat . Havent seen them in a year n they blame me be sure dont understand how hard it is for me to go alone having trouble textin I spoke to P n said I dont want u to leave she said she isn't playing soccer the mole is n her foot and they have to go deep .so Lori lied when shexsaid they had to get back for soccer .she wanted to go back to u to see nbexwith her cousins n was caught in lie N I said of I she can play so why do haVe to leave ooooh itsjust a celeoration with the team all of sudden it wasn't mportant . I haVe never felt so lone in my entire life's dont why am alive they dont are enough to be with me during the rough times only the fun times so am cancelling .but I want sleep for 2 days n can't believe u son llows this behavior . I am so lone but first time's free I so lonely ndesperate taking a taxi to surgery when I birthed to a e bodies healthy sons help I want to die I really do

24 Replies
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Please don’t think like that maybe your family don’t want you to worry I am always the last to know what’s going on but that’s life ,I am told when they want me to know by that time someone else has told me because it’s been on Facebook ,

,you take care

Dorothy

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We are here for you and you can talk about how you feel. Your family probably don’t want to worry you but do try and talk to your sons and explain to them how bad you are feeling and how lonely.

Wishing you well. Xxxx

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Hi I have to agree with Dorothy that they probably don't want to worry you as they recognise you have more than enough on your plate.

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I think you have to explain your condition and how you feel. There is always the side where they dont want to worry you, they dont realise that you want to be apart of their family. That you do care ... XXX

Chris

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Well wishes and hope tomorrow is a better day..alanxx

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That is so sad after all you have suffered but survived. You must not give up, think about what you have gone through, yet you overcame it all.

Maybe your family are not telling you about the problems with the grandkids because they do not want to cause you more stress and worry. I can understand why they may want to hide health problems from you. What is their answer when you ask them why you were kept in the dark.

Are any friends or neighbours helping you? It is hard if family do not live nearby. You mentioned planefares, is that how they travel to you? Are both sons shutting you out. If both it sounds like there may be issues from the past. You all need to talk, they need to know how bad you are feeling. I am sure they would be devastated if things were this bad and you never told them.

Try to stay strong, you have beaten far worse and got over it. You can overcome this too.

❤️❤️❤️

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My eldest is in ny n when my gdaughter was 3 she was diagnosed with leukaemia the bad kind . she needed a bond marrow transplant. So I am used to anything that happens to my gdaughter n gson. They did invite me to Boston to meet the bond marrow donor. It was before O2 So I went for 2r hrs n it was a blessing . when they do things n dont tell me I know they are hiding something. Its not related to incidents from childhood. I was the hands on mother n their dad did no co parenting . my youngest is n Calif n single ..but not family oriented. I am totally different . I gave up my life to move to Fla to help my parents. They Are so used to me being independent that now asking for help is something they brush off. Thank u for all the support I get on this site from people like u

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((((Hugs)))) Pinky. You've got a new family on this site. We may not be able to visit you after surgery, but we're rooting for you all the way. All the best, M.

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That's what I just shared. I feel less alone with people who understand the loss of energy n smell etc. U are better family than my family! I do have a cousin I speak to but he is in ny. My aunt's in la live like e00 min away but I call them when I need a second mother . my aunt always gives good advise. But they don't invite me over due to medical issues with both of them . I understand that !

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Do you have the Samaritans where you live? Without their support, kindness and friendship, some years back, I would most definitely not survived. Consider your self hugged Pinky. Take care. X

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Thank u . never heard of Samaritans .we don't have that in fl a that I know of . thanks for the hugs . a good hug can make your day

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Oh Pinky, it can be so difficult to share everything, and people rarely want to hear it all. Explain that you would like to see your family more. But don't be disheartened,take it in your stride. I find it difficult to comment on all that you have written, but tell them they are lovely people and you want to see them. I hope you get better too. Mic

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Thank you . I have told them that seeing my children once a year is unexceptable. But they make excuses n I just ride the waves.

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Pinky,

I sympathise with you. But don't let them dictate your mood and your actions.

Try to distance yourself emotionally. don't respond by being angry against them, because that won't work for you. Adopt a noble stand as the mother of your sons. Make them respect you in this manner. Even ignore them more. I think they will come back to you and will try to be kinder. but it will take time. Be courageous, I think it's worth it. Do you have a good friend that can encourage you too, someone who is really close and can advise you. Try to find such a person. (Just my advice! I would not let them ruin my life in this manner). Mic

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I do hold my tongue and my emotions in check. Expressing myself gives them a reason to back away. I won't give them that power. It's their call on whether they choose to help or only come when it's a vacation for them at a hotel on my dime. I actually have to postpone my second cataract surgery cause between the cost of the first one and their plane flight and hotel for thanksgiving i can't afford 2 surgeries in November. I'm trying to save to move to a larger condo on the beach but don't see that happening anytime soon. At least I'll be able to see my grand children . It's been 9 months since I've seen them. My friend of37yrs plus has been with me when they visited...and she whispers to me ..pick your battles. So. I hold a lot in. Guess that's why I've had 7 bleeding ulcers !!!

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Pinky, Do what you feel is necessary. Mic

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I agree with sassy that you should try to explain to your sons how you're feeling. I hope they come to their senses and try to be there for you more. In the meantime take care pinky - hugs and all best wishes x

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Thank u but they are coming thanksgiving but not for my surgery. I will take a taxi there n back to hospital ..I have no choice . it's sad and I won't forget that they don't come thru. I'm use to it I guess. Sad .bless you . I know I am there for everyone n I won't stop being the person people can depend on .

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Pinky you sound like such a good person. I think i would be going mad if i had to go through even one tenth of what you are struggling with. This site is wonderful but it also leaves you feeling helpless, i just wish there were some way to help you.

Your sons will be so sorry one day when they wake up and realise how much they have hurt you. How will you handle them on Thankgiving? Is it going to be hard not to show how hurt you are? Then again if the grandkids are going to be there i bet anything you put on a really brave face for their sake.

I hope it all works out really well for you. Your grandkids are lucky to have someone who loves them so much.

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You are so right I keep thinking how am I going to hide my disappointment. My daughter in law says I love u .. And once I said to her no you don't! They know how I feel but they are part of the ME GENERATION. I was such a devoted daughter that I thought they would learn by example. Our children can disappoint us but as a single mother I loved twice as much n expected the same in return...sad.. I don't even want to ask for help because i hate to hear the word no. Thank you all. Sometimes I wonder myself how I made it this far

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You made it because you are a strong woman. A womannwho gave out so much love deserves to have some returned, especially when you are struggling so much and need help.

Your daughter in law will probably only realise her mistake when she is in your position and nobody comes to help her. Then she will understand what she has done and how selfish she is being.

She might be one issue but from what you have said , you did everything for your sons. Maybe you spoilt them, gave them too much, did everything for them and now they are selfish. Are you saying you need help loudly enough? Or are you whispering it and praying someone hears you. Shout it out!

Pinky, shout it out, you need support now. Tell them, there is nothing to be ashamed of, you are not well and in need of help.

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U. Are so right . I told them I hope u never feel so alone even when you have family. The problem is she has so much family around that she will never need for help or have to ask twice.

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Karma has a strange way of evening things out. Let us hope they come to realise that you need some support. My heart goes out to you and i hope things get better for you real soon.

Stay strong Pinky ❤️

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I thank you all for your support. The thing that is eating at my insides is that my son orignally said he was going to come for my first surgery. It'sh the first time I am getting anesthesia in 3 yrs since I was diagnosed. Its just a twilight light anesthsia.. But he offeredv to come. He has a habit of saying yes and than finding a loop hole. A typical attorney! I told him he has to fly in October 31 but his excuse was the kids will be devastated if he wasn't j.there for Halloween I!!! I don't think they would give 2 s--ts if he was there . They just want candy. After saying he would come he said he was going to surprise me n come thanksgiving so I won't. Be alone. In 3 yes my d.i.l promised to share holidays? But since my,mom passed 3 yrs ago they haven't been here for any holidays. Why now? He was going to surprise me but u have to understand the situation . They spend more than. They. Earn. So it wouldn't be a nice surprise if they asked me for my credit card numbers! Cause I would have said no I couldn't afford it. I worked hard my entire life to me able to do what I want That would make me happy for a change. But since they told my grand children they were coming to fla I can't disappoint them. But the buck stops here. I will not help bail them out of debt anymore I am learning from. Them to say NO!! I pray I have the energy to get up and go to the hotel they will be at which is 5 buildings away. What I haven't mentioned I tried to organize a family vacation. In February so we are going on a cruise with half my family my youngest who would turn 42 during the week of the cruise refuses to add to the pollution of the ocean..give me a break .once a year to get the family together for a cruise ...aren't I horrible?? Lol. But I won't forget this and I have almost total recall of memory plus I write in journals. No more ms softy...bless you all for helping me get my grove back 😊😍😎

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