Hello lovely people, this is my 1st post in a long long time, but circumstances have changed and I thought I may get some sound advice here. My long time partner Christine struggled after a fall breaking her hip and wrist April 2016, but eventually got semi mobile again, but in the New Year I noticed her appetite waning slowly but surely, eventually our GP sent her for a CT scan, results of which we received 30th June this year............. cancer of the liver, a secondary cancer at that, biopsy revealed it originated in the breast, due to her frailty unsuitable for chemo, (told it is stage 4) taking 2.5 mg Letrozole to try halt its spread. She is surviving on 3x Fortisip per day, zero food, say 2 cups of tea and a glass of Irn Bru. I am at my wits end, she refuses to let the Macmillan nurse in the house, refused to see the Dietician at hospital, how long can a body survive on so little?? help please
need advice re my partner cancer, and... - Lung Conditions C...
need advice re my partner cancer, and lack of eating
Oh Daveymac how awful for you and Christine. It's so very hard to watch a loved one struggle so much.
Is there a trusted friend or relative who could chat to her or even a medical person maybe? You just can't watch her fade before your eyes.
Help is needed and maybe a cancer forum can help you with that too. Phone the helpline during office hours on 03000 030 555 as they may be able to point you in the right direction.
My heart goes out to you xxxx
Hi
Difficult one to offer suggestions, you can't force a person to eat.
Looking at Fortisip web sight,
You may be able to improve on her nutrition and vitamin diet.
You could try purée food. But it seems she knows her own mind.
Hi Devey - so sorry to hear about Christine's cancer and her lack of appetite. It is a great shame that she is so reluctant to see a Macmillan Nurse. My husband was ill for two years with stomach cancer and for most of that time could not eat. We did have a Macmillan Nurse and they are there just as much for the carer as for the patient. I don't know how we would have coped without her; she was not only emotionally supportive but did lots of practical things - got an all singing all dancing hospital bed for example. By the way, have you tried the Fortisip? I tried a variety of calorie/vitamin/mineral drinks and the best of the bunch was Scandishake. When it comes down to it though Christine as every right to choose what she wants to accept but you could access support from Macmillan for yourself. Will be thinking of you both.
I'm so sorry to hear that you both are suffering and seem to be at the end of your tether. Your lovley wife seems to be in the know of what she wants and needs if she's refusing any intervention or help . Do you have another form of support family friends that can maybe help you with support .I know there's help out there it's just getting your lovley lady to accept it...and it made me smile when you mentioned her wee daily glass of irn bru I wish you both well xxxx
Davey,so hard for christine and yourself,do you know if christine has dysphargia(swallowing problems)or is it purely down to her present state of mind,Unfortunately if it is the former she will need help from the Salts team at her local hospital which you say she is very reluctant to accept.Fortisip although probably the most nutritious product in the market is not the most appetising as i know from feeding my dear wife Cecilia,initially through a peg tube after a stroke and then oraly as her swallowing improved,there are various outlets that produce and deliver meals of various consistencys which actually look and taste like normal meals and maybe a good friend or other family member might help her provoke an interest in eating again,i am sorry there is so little advice and help we can give you and wish you the very best of luck in caring for your partner.............skis
Xxxxx
It's so hard trying to help someone who refuses to accept help, I'm so sorry you're in this position. After being diagnosed with secondary cancer my husband seemed to be unable of thinking of anything but his demise, it was as if he just gave up, very hard to see but harder still to 'do' anything about.
My thinking, after I was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer was possibly influenced by the effect that that, had had on me and our children. It occurred to me that nothing much had changed really, yes - I had cancer but regardless of that, I already knew that at some point I was going to die so cancer changed nothing, it just brought to mind something that we don't normally dwell on. For me, cancer - terminal or not became a reminder of the fact that life, is the only terminal condition that matters. Dwelling on any condition that may or may not kill us, can rob us of life long before we die, and that's so sad for everyone. But - even if this had occurred to me earlier, I'm still not sure that my lovely husband would have been able to share my views. I hope you won't think this is an inappropriate reply, I know how hard it is to be in your position and how easy it is be dragged down by worry. Wishing you and Christine all the very best, I do hope things will improve for you both.
💖💖💖
Magpuss
i am deeply touched at your thoughtful reply and also your positive outlook on life considering all you have gone through.you and Angie can be my mentors from now on......skis x
Special lady x
Thank you Ski's, think the attitude probably came from getting through things.
i am trying to adopt the same attitude but it is very hard sometimes especially when you lose somebody.i do so hope that christine will recover her will and appetite.for both herself and her loving partner.x
It's very hard - especially when it's all happening to someone you love, makes you feel helpless and useless. You can't be philosophical on someone else's behalf, just have to sow a seed and hope the same thoughts occur to them. I hope she regains her will too, am wishing them both more memories to share.
Hello folks, thankyou for your input, much appreciated. We do have a very sympathetic GP, but I can only take up so much of her precious time. We live in the far North Scotland these days, Christine is a Yorkshire lass, her remaining family are all there, they phone regular, but unfortunately Christine tells them what they want to hear, as opposed to the truth, leaving me in a difficult situation. We have tried various drinks packed with vitamins etc over the past 2-3 months, and at the end of the day it is Fortisip the only one she can stomach. It is soul destroying to watch on a daily basis 
My own Bronchiectasis has taken a back seat naturally, I am surviving quite well in that department thank god. I have been on Azithromycin for 18 months now, and given up work on GP advice. I have a funny feeling that I posted the original post on entirely the wrong page, sorry, and thanks again. David
It matters not where you posted what you will find here is a really good support network for you and your lady and anytime you want to or comment on do so ...feel free and good luck with things xxxxx
How difficult for you both and especially upsetting for you. Have you talked to your GP privately because you need care too. S/he could drop in unexpectedly perhaps to talk to Christine ( that is ask them for a home visit without Christine knowing, I spoke to my in laws' doctor when they were in same position and it helped) I should think Christine is deeply depressed at such a shock. Thinking of you both. Many blessings xx
So sorry to hear your lady is so poorly. I can understand her not being able to eat I am quite often the same little or no appetite it's not because you don't want to eat I just don't feel hungry most of the time my husband makes me shakes with Bananas peanut butter milk or plain yoghurt sometimes add ice cream handful of nuts or fruit and whizzes it all up for me you can also add protein powder. Best wishes x
if you feel nausea ...its difficult to explain..but you cannot overpower the feeling of not wanting to eat not a nice feeling...so sad for you to see this persons sufferings...just try your best ...and im sure things could get easier for you..good luck...
I feel so sorry for you and your wife . I have had similar problems breaking a hip last November then having a mastectomy under local anaesthetic in June. I have been eating well and getting out and about . I sincerely hope you can post some good news soon . I couldn't eat much before my cancer op and managed on soups custards and drinks of oxo cubes. My husband tried to keep feeding me but couldn't swallow anything solid . Joyce
Sorry to read about partners issues cancer .. Lot of anti cancer drugs cause mouth ulcers and make it hard to eat swallow.
I would see her GP on her behalf if she wont see anyone and ask if this anything can be done if she as ulcers troble swallowing
davey,skischool again,i have done a little but not scientific research on Fortisip supplementary drinks,as i replied before i used to feed my wife cecilia with approx 3 x 125ml bottles of fortisip compact,amongst other nutritional benefits there are approx 300 kcals of energy in each drink,although not ideal and if christine is consuming 3 a day as you say she is getting at least 900 kcal a day from the drinks alone,if you then add her cups of tea hopefully with perhaps a spoon of sugar in each and her irn bru drink she is potentially getting at least 1000 kcal a day,Although obviously not ideal if she is fairly inactive one could certainly sustain oneself without massive weight loss,i know to a certain extent i am clutching at straws here but i know how concerned you are and i was in a similar situation with Ceclilia but i hope it is some crumb of comfort during this difficult period for you,best wishes .............skis
I'm so sorry for you both. Do try to tempt Christine with foods you know were always her favourites in the past. Nothing is off the menu healthwise - ice cream, cream cakes, steak and kidney pie, toffees, chocolate, crisps, crumpets with butter, whatever. If there is something she says she might be able to nibble on, do try it.
I'm so sorry Davey, is it with you asking your doctor for general advice, so he isn't breaching confidentiality? Thinking of you both xx
Hello Daveymac55,
Has anyone suggested a peg tube at all? It sounds a bit scary and drastic but they're not permanent and can really help people struggling to get enough food through illness. It amounts to a small tube being inserted in the stomach that has a wee outlet to the outside where you can either use a syringe to give sachets of special complete nutrition straight in or else drip it in overnight. When you don't need to feed you the wee outlet simply closes with a cap and you can go about your business. You can eat and drink as much as you like by mouth as well while having a peg.
The op to insert it can be done under local or general and only takes about 15 mins. When you don't need the tube anymore it can be removed and the small hole closes up and heals.
If that all sounds a bit much then a very good drink is Calogen which is taken in tiny 30ml or 40ml doses three times a day and has over 400cal per 100ml. My dad couldn't swallow entire glasses of fluid but he turned his terrible weight loss around by being able to knock back these tiny but powerful 'shots' of nutrient. It's available on prescription.
'Ensure' is another great supplement drink that comes in a nice small amount (125ml) but has not just loads of calories (300 per portion) but has complete nutrition in terms of vitamins, minerals etc.
Hope this helps and things improve for Christine and for you very soon,
Claire
Hi Daveymac55, sorry to hear Christine has cancer with spread. This must be a very difficult time for you. Having been through a similar situation with my husband I feel for you. My husband survived for seven months on fluid only, so cherish each moment you have with your partner. We did some crazy things like going to cadbury world and riding in a kiddies motorcar like at the fairground, plus took our very last holiday. Enjoy each day you can as the future is not promised to anyone. You can talk to a cancer nurse even if Christine does not want to , the doctors were very helpful to me they will listen to the partner too. You will have bad days too not easy to experience your loved ones suffering, support is good for all the family. My heart goes out to you and Christine maybe she will concede to support as time goes by. Denial is often a defence stradegy when faced with such bad news. Take care
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