Need to be more careful around smokers

Went over to my brother and sister in laws house a couple of days ago I just went over to see them cuz I hadn't seen them for a while but I got over there my brother was having a little bit of a break down so I decided to stay for awhile he now smokes in his house even though he had a fan blowing I was getting overwhelmed. We then left to go to lunch and he lit a cigarette in the car. By this time I was getting upset and so was his wife but he wouldn't stop. By the time we got back I could hardly breathe and ended having to spend the night. Couldn't wait to leave in the morning I waited until he got back from the store so I could say goodbye. The only thing he bought at the store was cigarettes. I don't think I will be visiting again have no idea how long it will take me to recover. I hope he will recover from his unhappiness.

8 Replies

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  • That's a real shame Roessner, l hope your brother can see his way to give up smoking himself.

    Take care xxxxx

  • Your health is the most important thing. If someone insists on smoking around me, whatever their excuse, I simply avoid them. If he values your company he will not smoke around you. If not, why are you putting your health at risk for this selfish so and so?

  • I feel sorry for you. I know it was your own brother who was smoking, but you really must not breath in second hand smoke from anyone, or any other kind of smoke. You will have to tell him that, if he wants to see you again. His insistence on smoking in your presence is abhorrent behavior, at best insensitive. One way or another you will have a price to pay for it, one that you can ill afford.

  • From what you have said it seems he may have some mental health problems. If so are you and your sister in law might be able to persuade him to get help. If you can't then you are just going to have to avoid him. If he doesn't have mental health problems then he is just being a selfish so-and-so. I hope you all feel better soon.

  • Hi how selfish. As long as he fully understands how his smoking affects you and still won't stop you have no choice but to avoid him. You can always invite him to yours coz you can then make the rules.

    My Brother-in-Law hates smoking with a passion and I always thought he was just one of those ex smokers who hate it now until we were all out one evening having a meal. It was partially in the open air and smoking was allowed. A couple near us started smoking and he had to move further away. He then told me he had asthma (I had no idea) and the last few times he was near to smokers he had an exacerbation resulting in a week off work.

    If he hadn't moved I was going to ask the couple very nicely not to smoke there and explain why. Ok I might have got a mouthful of abuse but I think most people are reasonable when presented with the facts in a nice way.

  • I agree with lilac invite them to yours. Your rules .

  • You are right. Your health must come first! Because life is short, there are lots of ways to work around this. Great idea was, invite him to your house. Another one, have him meet you for lunch. Most restaurants are smoke free; or so it is in the US. I'm just trying to make a few suggestions that perhaps could be doable.Maybe a weekend BBQ, that way he will already be outside if he chooses to smoke. Of course there are always social functions such as weddings, outdoor birthday or pool parties and then some sports such as horseshoes and shuffleboard. I was a smoker for all of my adult life. It got me in the end. Because our loved ones mean the most to me....I would find a way to be able to spend more time with my brother. That's not to say that you have to put up with his smoking, but sometimes we have to make ways; to achieve our main objective. Spending time with your family is often times short visits. I'm not making excuses for his habits. My brother died a long time ago and so many times I wish that I had spent more time with him.

  • That is why I stayed my brother and I have never been close and when I came so close to death it made me want to fix things because I do love him but I tell you it took all the energy I had to do it he has so much anger in his life not caused by me but there non the less.

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