British Lung Foundation
34,187 members • 41,594 posts

Feeling very alone😢

Hi all.

Nothing to do with my condition,just feel the need to talk to somebody.

Recently moved home.

Feeling very lonely at the moment.i don't drive,so feeling like I can't get out.

My hubby works,and I get an awful feeling of dread when he goes to work😢

I'm very teary,and just feel like I could sit and cry my eyes out.

I know these feelings are probably the norm,and I have to get used to my new surroundings,but it's very hard.

On the plus side,I have decided at the age of 63 nearly, to start driving.😀

But it's going to take time,I need something to take away this isolated feeling now.🙁

Has anybody got any ideas?

Love Dawn

27 Replies
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Hi Dawn. Moving home can be very isolating until you get to know your neighbours. Could you invite them around for a cuppa? Or ask them about local amenities such as libraries, hobby groups, etc. While the weather remains good will sitting in the garden help? Are there neighbours who will chat over the fence? Isolation can be very depressing. Maybe a chat to your new GP? Sorry I can't be of more help.

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Thank you.

I have enquired about joining an exercise class not far from me.

But I would need to get a cab there and back,which is an additional expense😕

Neighbours mostly work,those that don't are quite "clicky"

I've not changed my Gp yet.feel like I need to hold onto some sort of familiarity,even if it is just the doc😊

But thank you.

X

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Morning Dawn, it's not easy when you move to a different area and it does take time to settle in. Driving may well be a good idea and see if there's a community centre nearby where you can go for a coffee morning etc.

Can you speak to your neighbours and see if they know of places to go?

We are here for you so do chat whenever you need to. Sending hugs and hope things improve very soon. Xxxxx

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Thank you.x

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If you can take a walk to nearest shop or round the block say hello to every you see it's hard, might take a while, if you have a front garden go for potter out there saying hi to all who pass.Paint a smile on so big hug from me

Olive

Call help line to find breath easy group in your area

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Would love to go out for a walk.

But because of my copd,I tend to panic if I'm not familiar with my surroundings.

I'm ok with someone with me,but not alone.

Yes,I do have a lovely front garden which I potter in..but don't tend to see many people.

Thank you for your reply.

X

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Try the library for local information, they can help. One helpful tip from my sister in law - join things, you can then find out what makes you feel good and leave the rest. Women's Institute, Townswomen's Guild, for example. Your local church may run coffee mornings or social groups for older people. You don't have to be a member to join in. There are clubs for older people everywhere. The University of the Third Age is good. First of all see your new GP as you sound very depressed. Moving is stressful, especially when you are not well. I know, we did it last year! We are lucky enough to have brilliant neighbours which has helped. Good luck with the driving, very brave of you xx

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I'm not depressed.

Just feeling a bit down that's all.

Thanks though.x

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Do you have a dog I walk my dog loads and meet so many people through it xx

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I am not depressed either, but I do get down in the dumps when I can't do what I used to.

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Hi Dawn, I really feel for you having recently left my beloved London, my friends, neighbours, community and lovely GP practice of 20 years.

I mostly moved myself, hiring a huge Van twice to dump my stuff in my sister's garage in Suffolk ( in hindsight that was extremely foolish of me). I'm way too self reliant for my own good so two years down the line I'm still exhausted & not too much further on in joining things, making a new life for myself. I do have a gorgeous young dog, without her I'd probably become agrophobic!

Moving is one of the most stressful things we can do, it's bound to have a huge effect on you so please don't beat yourself up in any way for being weak. It's tremendous that you're considering learning to drive, it could change your life, for a while it will get you out, give you confidence and some freedom.

I hope you'll start soon to join things and not hold back like I have until depression really set (I'm sure you're a little depressed, when I finally went to my new doctor he was great, when explained what I'd been doing he said anyone 20 years younger would find it very hard. He was very supportive).

Re a new GP practice for you, I can understand that dilemma too. For months I emailed repeat prescriptions to old practice, got a friend to pick up the meds and post them to me wherever I was. Got all my mail redirected for 18 months so it seemed I was officially at same address!

Did you move town or to a different area in the same region?

Do pm me anytime, I really do understand. Penelope xxxx

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Hi peege...thanks for that lovely reply.

You are so brave doing all that by yourself,😊

My situation here is really not much different from when I lived there.

We have been here for 10 weeks and I have been great.

This past week I have felt quite unwell with pain in my neck,which in turn is making me tearful,which I am putting down to this place,which it isn't because I love it here.

I need to get my head round the fact there are people far worse off than me...

Xx

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I'm so glad that you love it there. Just really take care of yourself and be good to yourself 😃

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Give it time Dawn. I am sure you and your husband will go out evenings and weekends and you will soon get to know the area and people.

You are luckier than many of us as you have your husband. It's much harder to move when you are on your own and have to do it all by yourself.

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That's very true lilaclil.

I do have a wonderful hubby,who works hard to give us a comfortable life.

I feel very sad for those who don't have that privelidge.😢

I could never have done it on my own.

Lots of love.

Dawn

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Hi Dawn, It is so hard when you move to a new place, I felt like you when I moved. It's been six years since I moved and it took me such long time to get to know people, I got really lonely. But I decided to do an open university course that helped build my confidence which in turn gave me the confidence to speak to people. I also stops me from being lonely as it passes my time and stops me feeling lonely and keeps my mind active. I don't have any visitors but do chat to people when I am in my garden. See about going to pulmonary rehabilitation it's a great way to meet people . Hope this helps. Any time you want to chat just let me know. Take care 😉 love Bernadette xxx

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Have you got a scooter you can ride round and see whats close. Not much help have a look on the comp for places near put a map up of your area and search round.

Hope it passes and you fin or make friends with someone. XXX

Chris

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No I don't have a scooter.

I have just found my local community centre just up the road from me,so shall be ringing them this week to see if they have anything interesting for me to attend.

Xx

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Hi Dawn,

I am sorry that you feel down, there is nothing worse, especially if you have just moved and do not know anyone, it will get better, so pleased to hear that you have started to learn to drive, that will be great and I wish you all the luck in the world to pass.

Have you tried googling U3A, it is a group where people who are lonely have got together and have formed groups of the hobbies that they like doing, if you cannot find a hobby that you like, then you can always start your own group up within the U3A.

Is there a library near you, where you could, maybe help out.

What are your favourite hobbies, you could start drawing, and painting, also have alook on line to see what clubs are around.

Have you introduced yourself to your new neighbours, maybe ask them round for a cup of tea/coffee and ask them what hobby groups are around. Also ask if they could show you the shopping centre and the best places to eat and shop.

Make new recipies for when your husband comes home, have you discussed any of your problems of lonliness with your husband, perhaps he can come up with some suggetions, if he does not know he cannot help you.

Do you like animals, is there a rescue home for animals near you so that you could become a voluntary dog walker or a cat sitter. Or maybe you could own your own pet.

Have a go at writing a story then look on the internet and send it off to a magazine for printing, you will not know until you try.

Hope these ideas have helped.

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Hi Dawn, lovely to hear from you again. You seem to have settled into your new home OK but not the local area yet. This is just a number of suggestions, firstly if you could drive it would be a way to get out, Age UK often have details of local groups and also details of how to get there, sometimes even drivers who can get you there, local council usually have on line details of nearby groups too. In my city we have a ring & ride service but many other towns and villages have similar schemes, there is a cost but much cheaper than taxis. Local Churches often do varied groups in the community, its about finding things and trying them I guess. Isolation can be very depressing, I have a couple of pen pals plus forums and two groups as I live alone and can't drive due to visual impairment. Given time and research I am sure you will find some good freinds and settle down into a happy life in your new area.

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Hi Katie.

Lovely to see you are still on here too

I am having a very good day today mentally.

I had a good talk to myself,said there are people far worse off than I am.

Yes,I have health issues,but you learn to live with them,and get through each day,one at a time.😊

There are people that don't have a partner who are in the same mindset as me,but they have a very lonely 24 hour 7 days a week existence.i am very fortunate in that my hubby is my lifeline at the moment.

So I've stopped feeling sorry for myself,and today is a much,much better day.

I've made enquiries to Essex council for consessionary taxi trips,which I've been told I am entitled to.and the local mini buses.

So life is not that bad really.

I hope you are well.

Lots of love.

X

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Hi Dawn, that's good news about the taxis & mini bus in your area. My mum used to get special cars but she lived in Wales. One of my pen pals lives in Romford in Essex she is a widow like myself thats how we became pals. I'm going through a rough health patch right now, emergency appointment at the hospital next Monday hopefully it is not serious but better safe than sorry as they say. You sound much happier today, and as you say life is not too bad, could be worse if we let it. I'm off to Cheltenham for a day out on Thursday will be shattered by the end of the day, but will have enjoyed the company and day away. Good night for now xx

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Hi Dawn do you have a Breath East group in your area. Well worth joining if you have. They are all people with lung disease, their carers and friends. Good place to start. Barbs x

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By the wat they meet once a month. Barbs x

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You could be depressed need to get out but as you say no transport are you on Facebook as it is a good way to get to know people/facilities in your area. I live alone so find the Internet a God send especially when I was too ill to go out for 3 months. Now I have Hospital Transport whenever I need it, Town Rider takes me shopping twice a week & most weeks go out for lunch etc with a friend I was introduced to 2 yrs ago so not so lonely now. Is there any bus transport near you can you do volunteer work (ask when you go can they offer a lift). contact Age Concern in your area see if they can help or find interest for you

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I hope you are feeling better today, Dawn. xx

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Hi Dawn,

Yes to feel lonely is awful.

I am a widow, stage 3 COPD, a son with schizophrenia (who is having dreadful care) and passed my driving test last year at 61. So keep strong and get driving!

Annie

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