Just spent a nice six hours at our A&E department, no not for me but my ex next door neighbour. She is 90 and suffers from dementia. Recently, her son moved her into one of the new residential homes springing up in our area. Since moving in, she has had two trips to A&E and this is the third time with the same problem. She suddenly has difficulty moving her legs. This has started since she moved into the home. The reason while I'm with her and not her son or the rest of his family is because they are all on a camping holiday in Devon. As the same as last time, there is nothing physically​ wrong with her, it's down to two things, her dementia and she wants to be back in her home. When she got discharged this afternoon, she walked with me back to my car. One back at the home, no sooner had we walked into the reception area, the condition reappeared and we had to get a wheelchair for her. Once she got into her apartment, her condition disappeared. Tried ringing her son but his mobile just rings out. No doubt enjoy into his family holiday and doesn't want to be bothered with any problems. Rant over

12 Replies

How sad Budgie and how kind you are to be there for this poor lady. Pete's mum is 85 and has dementia but is in her assisted living flat because she has carers 3 times a day. We also see her and take her out. It's so important to have consistency.

I hope your ex-neighbour can return to her apartment and be cared for. Her son has to return from holiday soon and face up to things. Maybe he finds it really hard to see his mother like that. Great shame. Xxxx

She sounds like she is lonely and she is lucky she has some one like you takeing the time to take her places when her own family rather be on holiday and can not be botherd to anser the phone .good luck

How kind and understanding you are.such a shame that her family don,t have the same feelings,perhaps you could flag your concerns to the local social services,i am sue they will protect your annonimty if possible but it may be a way of getting more people involved with this ladys care.Feel ree to rant.your are showing how society needs to react to people in need.

So sad, you are very kind to help her.

To (hopefully) add some balance, we saw that our granddaughter was causing some problems, she's come to stay for a few days and during that time out son (24 years) pointed out that our perspective was actually wrong - not the granddaughter who has a problem but her mother! We just never saw it!

Relevance? An unanswered phone doesn't necessarily mean a lack of interest, there are many possible reasons, a family holiday which might have been planned long before her issues?

Maybe the son doesn't see the issue, maybe he choses to ignore it because he doesn't know how to handle it .... so many possible reasons. I have no idea because I don't know the full story.

But on the other hand I so hope that when I'm 90 and suffer dementia someone like budgie cares for me and gives me some time .... even if they find my situation extremely annoying - I think there is a worldwide shortage of nice people like budgie so well done and rant away!


A good rant helps relieve the frustration. I've had quite a few of those! Just a thought about the legs. I once drove 12 hours with only a few breaks. At the end of it I felt a little stiff but after two days my condition got worse and I could hardly walk. I saw a great chiropractor (recommended) and he was able to put whatever was out back in. Could it be sitting down that exacerbates her back or walking? Maybe there's a slightly pinched nerve that gets triggered with a certain movement or position? Good Luck and Well Done. It's great to know that there are people out there who are willing to help - we may wish we didn't have to-but it is the action that is important and shows how much you care.

Sounds like Anxiety to me. So sorry for all concerned.

I'd say it was a type of panic attack - she is familiar with her surroundings at home and that is necessary for dementia patients. I had problems moving my legs when my sister told me over the phone that her bowel cancer had gone to her liver. I couldn't move -after a while it settled down and 3 aspirin helped me to relax. She is not putting it on as it's a subconscious fear appearing with physical symptoms. I say this from experience with similar problems myself on occasions.

I had a crisis with my Mum who has Dementia, when my sister was on holiday in Devon/Cornwall, somewhere down there. The phone reception down there can be terrible, so it maybe that the signal has not got through. I relied on my sister for support, and she wasn't there, when I needed her. The air was blue! Found out later that she never got the calls.Not just her phone network, but others where they were as well, all had trouble with the signal.

Are you happy to continue in this crisis role should it happen again? If not, then her son needs to get a What If? Care Assessment for his Mother. The What If? Form records who is to be contacted in an emergency if the son is not available, if he is down as her main contact.

Her son needs to ask for some he!p with distraction therapy for his mother, to get her thoughts away from her legs.

Hi Budgie1954, its people like yourself who help the system care for dementia patients. I recall the paramedics calling me for my mum even though I lived 160 miles away, just to let me know she was OK and had pressed the wrong button in her flat. Now isn't that good my sister was on holiday at the time. Eventually my sister decided it was time to move her to a home near us , she was not aware they were ringing me about it. Please keep helping this lady or she will give up, my mum remembered my voice right to the end, as this lady will remember you xx

Thanks for the support. This lady has been my neighbour for over thirty years. My children have grown up with her and regard her as another grandma. Yesterday she was remembering the walks she used to take my kids on. Good times 😊

You are very supportive and kind. Poor Lady

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