I'm 52, married, and have two boys, 21 and 19. I have smoked more than a pack a day for 37 years. I was diagnosed with COPD years ago. Never followed up, never told anyone. I smoked to deal with stress. I had a lot of it. Two ADHD kids and a husband who is a good man, but stuck his head in the sand. One problem/crisis/fight after another. Recently, I got a cold, went to the doctor because I couldn't breath. That started tests (lung CT scan and pulmonary function tests). I knew I was short of breath. I knew I was killing myself. Still I was shocked by the news that I have severe emphysema. That's "an old person" disease. Scanning the internet has left me completely depressed. BODE rating is 3. 30% FVi. 67% chance I will be alive in 4 years. What if I'm in the 33%? If I'm in the 67%, how much after 4 years do I have? I've quit smoking. Gone a month now. I honestly don't think I will ever smoke again. Finally, after countless attempts. I feel better than I have in a long time. I'm walking 3 miles a day (wasn't exercising at all a month ago). I am happy to wake up, but terribly depressed that it's one day closer to my death. I am so ashamed of myself and my diagnosis. How do I tell people? How do I tell my children who need me so much? Should I tell them now or wait until I have more symptoms? How can I possibly justify my smoking. How I can I pray and hope to live many years when I did this to myself? I am overwhelmed with fear, dread, impending death, and great shame. How do I live with this? How long do I have left? How soon will I lose my quality of life? Is there anyone who can offer some hope? Not fake or empty hope, but hope based on living with this disease? If not, how did you come to terms with this? Thanks for listening.