SO YOU WANT TO EMIGRATE TO AUSTRALIA

SO YOU WANT TO EMIGRATE TO AUSTRALIA

My apologies folks

I did not write this, just thought it might make your feel a little better

I have altered the cussing

DIARY OF A POM IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA

August 31

Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha , Western Australia .

Now this is a town that knows how to live!

Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.

I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.

It was beautiful.

I've finally found my new home.

I love it here.

September 13

Really heating up now.

It got to 31 today.

No problem though.

Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.

What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this.

I'm turning into a sun-worshipper - no blasted rain like back in Leeds !!

September 30

Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today.

Lots of palms and rocks.

No more mowing lawns for me!

Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

It's Paradise !

October 10

The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week.

How do people get used to this kind of heat?

At least today it's windy though.

Keeps the flies off a bit.

Acclimatizing is taking longer than we expected.

October 15

Fell asleep by the pool yesterday.

Got third degree burns over 60% of my body.

Missed three days off work.

What a dumb thing to do..

Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!

October 20

- Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning.

By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery.

The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat sh1t.

I've learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

October 25

- This wind is a bAS.ARd.

It feels like a giant blow dryer.

And it's hot as hell!

The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from Perth .....The wife & the kids are complaining.

October 30

- The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't arrived for the blasted air conditioner.

House is an oven so we've all been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.

Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside.

Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4

Finally got the air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 35.

Stupid repairman.

F@#%^*g thief.

November 8

- If one more smart b.....d says 'Hot enough for you today?'

I'm going to throttle him.

F#"(%#g heat!

By the time I get to work, the car radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet and I smell like baked cat.

F+{%#@g place is the end of the Earth.

November 9

- Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in my car.

I thought my arse was on fire.

I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off my arse.

Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat.

F#*k. F^*k. F@%k.

November 10

-- The Weather report might as well be a recording..

Hot and sunny.

Hot and sunny, Hot and f@#%*"g sunny.

It never changes!

It's been too hot to do anything for 2 months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.

F>"k!

November 15

- Doesn't it ever rain in this damn place?

Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the pool.

The only things that thrive in this f&:%#*g hell-hole are the flies.

You don't dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the little ba%#@">s!

November 20

- Welcome to HELL!

It got to 45 degrees today.

Now the air conditioner's gone in my car.

The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for you today?'

I wanted to shove the f:?@*&%g car up his a%#e.

Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid pr1ck.

What kind of sick, demented f*^#1ng idiot would want to live here!

December 1

- WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!!

You are f*@%ing kidding me!

53 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Made me laugh on a dark evening. Think I will stay at home.

  • Think you might be right Pergola...Although I am here !!!, albeit in Victoria where the climate only gets like Karatha a few days per year.

    Will

  • Love it..........................................now tell me....How DO you cope?

    :-D :-D

  • Simple

    I do not live in Western Australia, or Darwin, or Queensland or Central Australia.... we usually send the wannabee Aussies there.

    Will

  • heh heh.....initiation test for innocent Poms then. I found a clean Australian joke for you Will; difficult, but I found one in the end...this is "as writ"

    this morning 3am i was woken by a knock at the door,there was a man standing there and asked me if i could give him a push,he said my light was on and thought someone was up,i told him he had just got me up,he said he was very sorry but really needed a push i told him to wait there while i got dressed,i went upstairs got dressed and came downstairs opened the door and there was no one there i shouted r u there mate and a voice from the darkness replied i am on the swing.

  • Good one Jen

    At 3am I think he may have been on the "turps" beforehand,

    I do have a very good video clip for you Jen, typifies how we older Aussies behave.

    Hope to post it tomorrow

    Will

  • Goody - I look forward to the viewing. I really did struggle to find a clean joke you know - not for myself, but for the sake of HU members - the trouble is all the best ones are ...what's the word I was looking for.......oh it's gone ...............

  • Memory loss ??

  • Filthy is the word.................................there, I have said it:-D

    You are trying to get me deleted I think Sir......

  • Heaven forbid Jen

    What would we do without you.

    Will

  • That's a difficult one Will. Probably everything would run very ..............what's the word I am looking for?

  • A friend of mine went to Australia for a holiday, asked if she would go again she said most of the people were OK, the scenery was spectacular, but no she wouldn't ever go back cos all the wildlife was trying to kill her. She couldn't get over the size of some of the bugs that came out at night with her. I don't think she meant her boyfriend!

  • Must have something to do with the free deodorant spray we give to all the tourists

    Will

  • That was hilarious Will.

    Hope all is good with you. I think l will put up with the cold and rain, xxxxxxx 😀

  • Thanks Sassy

    hope you are well, yes, I agree, as we can have all four seasons here (Victoria)....in one day.

    Lovely cool morning here, smelling the fresh moist air (8.30am), BUT it is going to be 30c today and similar weather for the next week .

    Oh yes we will have rain with that also!!

    Stay happy Sassy

    Will

  • All good here Will thank you but pretty chilly. Never mind, Spring is just around the corner.

    You take care xxxxxx

  • Thanks Mate

  • Yep staying at home sounds good to me 😂 xx

  • Thanks Damon

    Especially with the world's problems at present.

    Will

  • Hi Burraboy, very amusing! To be honest, I love the variable weather we have in Britain. There is no way I could live in a hot country. I'm not good with bugs either, so I'll just put up with the current fog and cold, knowing that next week will probably bring something different.

    Take Care,

    Helen

  • Nice to hear from you again Helen

    Hope all is well with you.

    I guess you are right...we all are used to the conditions we grow up in

    Take care

    Will

  • Hahaha! Love it! My brother was born in Canberra...we were there for four years. We'd go to a friend's farm in the mountains if it got too hot. Hope you and Susan are keeping well. xxx

  • G'day Tee

    Nice to hear from you....Trust you are well.

    Thanks for asking...Susan and I are well, still visiting the hospital on a monthly basis (check up).

    We are blessed living in the small village of Seville...located just over 1 hour from Melbourne...in the Dandenong ranges....usually a nice breeze...but when it gets hot....Thank GOD for the evaporative air conditioning...We do not leave the house, unless necessary.

    Take care of yourself mate

    Will

  • That was a wonderful post really enjoyed it. Most of us imagine living in a nice warm country especially when it is so cold here. I don't think I could in anyway cope with those sort of temperatures. A nice spring day here suits me just fine with just a gentle breeze. I hope that Susan is doing ok I did see your post a couple of days ago.

  • Thanks Clematis

    I guess not many understand the vast difference in temperature between the "top end" of Australia and we in the lower states.

    My eldest daughter lives in Ingham, a small town in Northern Queensland. When speaking to her last year she complained about having to put on a jumper as it was so cold up there.

    The temp in Ingham was 24c

    I guess that about sums it up

    Take care

    Will

  • Well to my shame I had always thought that all of Australia was the same.x

  • Well Clematis

    I can be forgiven for thinking the same about you folk.

    I suppose there is a difference over there too

    Will

  • Hahahahaha. Oh dear. That was hillarious! 😂 I have Australian friends visiting at the moment and they are loving the cold winter here. I couldn't understand it. But now I do. 😊Thanks for that. xx

  • Thanks Cas

    I trust you are well?

    Another hot day here, even the animals will not come out from under the shade

    Will

  • Hello Will. I am doing okay, thank you for asking. I hope you and Susan are doing okay too. 😀

  • All good here

  • Hee hee 😂

    G'day mate

    Sorry for the late reply, I've been Hibernating !!!

    It's dark and freezing fog here today, give me those hot Aussie temperatures any day. I love the heat and sun.

    I hope you are both keeping well, nice to hear from you.

    G'day mate

    Pommie Velvet 😂xx

  • Thanks Velvet

    Nice to hear from you

    Hope you and Mr V are both well.

    I have a great video on elderly Aussies which I will post shortly.

    Stay safe

    Will

  • I needed that, it was briliant. By the time I got to Nov 4th, I was pmsl. Thankyou burraboyeasty. Haven't laughed like that for quite some time. I have always wanted to live in Australia. Having second thoughts now. If you have anymore like that give us another laugh.Take care. Maggie x

  • G'day Maggie

    Watch for the next one

    Will

  • Ha ha I loved this it made me laugh out loud !! My son and his family go to Perth a lot and it gets up to 40c there. They don't go out till after 6pm. The last time they were there he burnt his feet in the sand on the beach !! I'm not good in the heat if it goes over 75 I've had it. Best wishes.

  • G'day Mate

    We have a place called Cooper Pedie, located in South Australia, where they dig for the opals.

    I visited there in 1983 whilst driving to Darwin. You traveled for hundreds of miles on dirt- gravel roads and then out of no where you hit bitumen...a further mile and you are in the town. there were 8 buildings and all the miners lived in holes underground. they looked like gopher holes. It was impossible to live above ground because of the heat which usually exceeded 50c.

    One mile out of the town and you were back on gravel.

    We drove non stop from Melbourne to Darwin in 44 hours...Crazy!!

    All Aussies have at one time or another executed the "Ouch Ouch Ouch" song as we ran on the sand to the water to cool our feet. It was part of the ritual when going to the beach.

    Those were the days

    Will

  • Hi

    Brilliant very very funny and probably true

    Jimmy1c

  • Thanks Jimmy

    I know of Aussies who went to Western Australia (Inland from Perth), to work in the mines. My own brother did this...he rang me 2 weeks later and asked if I could send him a plane ticket to get home as the heat was unbearable.

    Like many others he went there for the big money being paid, and unlike the "Pome" in the story he only lasted 16 days.

    Will

  • I don't think my "delicate English rose complexion" would stand up to the hot OZ weather! The annoying thing is, I just get freckles, no tan, so would soon look like a spotty prune!

    Whatever do you Aussies find to talk about, when the weather is always the same? It is almost impossible to have a conversation, back in the old country, without weather!

  • G'day Christine

    We have quite a few "spotty prunes" out here during the hot spells.

    Most people from overseas just see us all as living in a hot climate,while it is nothing like that.

    Sure our top end is harsh for most of the year but where I live "down south" the weather is more moderate, with Tasmania even cooler.

    The thing that sets Melbourne apart from the rest is we can have the 4 seasons in one day.

    Stay happy and watch the curbs

    Will

  • I'm glad to hear you live in a more temperate area. My grandaughter just phoned and I was telling her about the weather in Oz, she sighed longingly at the thought of hot weather, saying "but grandma it's a DRY heat!" 40 C would be lovely. I gave up at that point and changed the subject. We discussed how flipping cold and dreary it is here today lol!

    G'day to you and your beautiful Susan, I have just gone back and read all the messages on the day you posted that lovely photo. I saw a message from you, saying you played the Shadows music. Richard was in a small band that played Shadows music. He could play their music very well and continued to do so. The band was called Johnny be Quick and the Avalanches"

    You and Susan are in my prayers,

    Love to you both from

    The Spotted Pom xxx

  • Thanks Christine

    Your grand daughter sounds like a "smart one" knowing the difference with the types of heat.

    I find it best by explaining the fried egg test.

    Out here (Aus) you can crack an egg on the bonnet (hood) of a car...No frypan..and it will cook if the temp is above 40c.

    Many thanks for asking about Susan, still a couple of ongoing problems...may be for life...but can live with.

    I sound like a broken down record... "The alternative is saying goodbye to someone you love"

    Yes I have been playing Hank's music for over 55 years and still communicate with a few friends who live in England (also playing The Shadows music).

    Enjoy the day and please keep the posts coming.

    Will

  • Hank was Richard's favourite. He was lucky enough to see him performing live many times.

  • Thanks "Spotted Pome"

    I guess we are lucky to have Hank living here with us in Western Australia....Not in the inner section where the mines are...Do not think his English skin would tolerate the heat.

    Forgive me but I put the "E" in pom as it does mean

    "Prisoner of mother England"

    Will

    Will

  • :D :D :D :D :D :D

  • very good thank you xxx

  • Glad you enjoyed it Undine

    Will

  • Hi burraboy That was so very very funny I laughed so much I started coughing!!!!!!!! We live in NZ and I am glad to say the temperture isnt ever that high. Love OZ for a holiday but not to live Keep them coming butrraboy The warmest of regards Trudy🌞🌞🌞

  • Thanks Trudy

    Did you watch the cricket?

    Best game I have seen. You really deserved the win...But watch out next time!!

    Good day here today 22c, overcast conditions.

    Will

  • Please excuse my butting in to your thread.

    Will.....Private messaging would not accept your name so I need to ask a question.....why is your avatar greyed out and why dd you take out The Darwin Awards?

    Enjoy your sun:-)

  • Thanks Jen

    The post was deleted by the moderators, as it was felt to be outside the guidelines of HU. The Darwin awards are really sad cases of human frailty.

    I accept the moderators decision to delete it.

    Re the Avatar

    I tried to update my avatar, Pic was of a younger me but all I managed to do was to bug..ar up the profile. I tried to delete it but wound up deleting the account

    So today I am a newbee.

    Thank you for your message

    Will

  • Good morrow Will,

    A lovely current photograph of you and Susan, even though I can see you are trying to edge her out. Keep pushing back Susan :-D :-D

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