The last 2 years

I met my first girlfriend at 14 years old and stayed together until 18 months ago she passed away unexpectedly wich as you can emagine is still killing me I also was diagnosed with hart failure copd asthma i also have ankylosing spondylitis osteo and rumatoid arthritis inscematic hart disease to had most since I was 15 but leaned to live with it every thing I can rub of with a joke or a laugh but losing a loved one I carnt get past it and wouldn't want to as she was my world and this is why my illness don't have a mental impact of anxiety and depression I seem to think most of all most of the time is how much longer do I have to be here but I made a promise to family members I wouldn't take the easy way out so I endure every day every night wich thinking about next xmas gives me anxiety as the only thing I want I carnt have but I do think how easy it would be to slip out and only my family stops me Iam not depressed just carnt see a way without my woman so this is why I took speed to make time pass quickly but carnt do this forever more would I want to so that's me lol a bad joke from the man above 😁

22 Replies

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  • Hi I am so sorry to hear of your loss. There is also a depression site on here if you want to join it. x

  • Lol am not depressed at all just spent 32 year with someone who is gone and don't really care for it on my own but a promise is a promise so I just carry on cheers anyways 😁

  • You sound like you are in a very unhappy place, Llokie, and I am so sorry to hear about your girl passing away so suddenly. Losing her after thirty-two years is very hard...would you tell me her name?

  • So sorry to hear of your sadness with being alone but I have an idea how difficult it must be as my sister lost her husband of 46 yrs and was married to him at the young age of 19 & he was the only boyfriend she ever had but she is well and is able to get out and travel and I know how difficult it still is for her so I sympathize with you in a big way. Wishing better for you Llokie.

  • Thank you means a lot I've kept bussy up till I got ill again what I never expected to feel so useless not being able to do anything about it I could of lost my mind when I found her don't now how I never she was my rock my soul mate my best mate my everything I look at pics were we're together and I see the happy content look on our faces and now I might smile laugh but when I look in the mirror I just see sadness 😬

    But I see things that aren't there in books jumbled and text like her name and i now it's just my mind but it gets convincing at times

  • Hi there, sorry to hear of your loss of a life long partner. Your feelings are understandable and nothing can change the facts. Given time it is possible to begin a new life your partner would want you to be happy, but it is very normal to feel as you do when suffering from profound greif of a loss. No words I can say will help only that I have been that way myself as have many on this site. Treasure the memories and they will get you through this sad time, but do take care of your own health as you will need all your strength to face the funeral ect. Speak to people about it so they know why you feel this way, you have taken the first step by sharing with us remember others turn to alcohol,drugs excessive food at times like this but it only gives temporary releif of the heartache. Take care

  • Thank you x

  • Hello Lloki, it is only a short while since you lost your wife. You will slowly come to an easier time. Have you any children? Reasons for living are often tied up with the happiness of those around us, if not for our own happiness. If you can look outward and not always inward, you might find peace of mind. I do hope so, keep in touch on here, so many people sharing good and bad times, you have done well to reach out on here, keep it up, we want to help in any way we can, Love Iris x

  • Thank you and yes I have two boys 23. 28 great lads x

  • Grief affects people in different ways Llokie but sadness is an overwhelming part of it. So many memories and thoughts going round and round in your head. This fine lady was your soulmate who cared for you so she will always be in your heart and mind.

    You have many health problems so it must be even more difficult to keep on going without your lady by your side. We are here for you so feel free to chat at any time. You are not alone. Take care. Xxxxxx

  • Thanks appreciate it xx

  • Dear Llokie, many of us here have lost our beloved partners. You have come to the right place, for understanding and support. My darling husband died in July this year. I don't know how I would have coped, without the kind and loving people in this forum.

    You are not alone Llokie, we really do care. I know only too well the desperation you are feeling. Much of the time I can feel my husband around me. I believe he is watching over me. A robin used to visit him every day, but it didn't appear if I was in the garden.

    The first day I went out to the park, with my dog, George, we were going along a path, when a robin hopped down from a bush. It hopped backwards and forwards, right in front of me for a few minutes. I have never seen a robin there, before or since.

  • Llokie, so sorry and I know how you feel, I mean really know. It's hard to live for family and not just to stay alive for them. Many days I want to leave this earthly plane. Stay true to your heart, find a reason to be alive just because we never know! Meditate on breathing. Buddhism believes life is mostly suffering. It is and love comes from our heart, it's there, feel it! Blessings, Laddieday

  • Thanks I wouldn't leave that way I've thought about it still do the thing wich stops me is no in that one of my lads would. Find me and there only just starting to get on. Without there mom I remember like yesterday the feeling when I went to wake up my woman I took hold of her hand I new instantly shed gone her hand was cold I carnt put in to words how I felt and subjecting that to anyone I couldn't do x

  • Hi I am so sorry to hear of your loss i really understand what you are going through i lost my husband in August we met in our teens and were married 45 years we were soulmates .Life is so hard being alone i am lucky to have a 2 daughters and family and good friends at times that is not enough .4 weeks ago i got a little puppy she keeps me busy and eases the feeling of going in to an empty home .My John was full of life tv on each room or radio or cd playing .Or he was singing or joking around.Just think of happy memories you made together do hope they will keep you going . Christmas seems to make grieving more difficult i am glad Christmas day is over for this year but who know what next year will bring .

    Hope you can turn a corner and look after your self too wishing you all best Jeaniex

  • Thanks sounds like I would have got along with him I have the music on up stairs the kitchen front room all on the same radio station kiss fm I've tryed so try to keep positive thoughts but every time I stop sit down and a song will come on the radio wich just pulls my guts right out of stomach and and am off crying like a baby and the dog normally comes lie on me Bless him x

  • Hi Llokie, it would be a good idea to have bereavement counsel. You can ask your GP or google one in your area who will see you or free or a donation.

    Hope this is and will be of some help.

  • I have bereavement counselling. It has helped enormously.

  • You sound as if you are in tremendous emotional pain which seems more difficult to cope with because of your own poor health status. I wish I could tell you that things will be ok, but you and I know that will not happen. The only consolation I can offer is that your pain will ease with time and the memories that make you weep today will make you laugh tomorrow. It takes time to accept that our loved ones have gone from this world, this will not happen overnight. The forum members are always here when times get tough, simply open a post.

    May you and your family find peace.

  • Thank you for your reply appreciate it

  • After just losing for husband 4 days ago i sure do kow the pain you a are going though, my first thought was to go with him , but wiukd hurt my family to much, i dont think the pain will ever go away , but we will have to live along side it, please take care of yourself loads of love xx

  • Very sorry for your lose

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