New member needing support!

Hi everyone, I've signed my mum up to this site, her name is Kaz, she was diagnosed with copd 7 years ago and was told that if she carried on smoking the way she was, she would have 5 years left to live. So she is now on borrowed time. She had a fitness test done last week and the prognosis isn't good. I've told her time and time again that she needs to stop smoking but she says she can't see how it'll help now, as the damage is done. She has 4 children, of which I am the middle one, and 5 beautiful grandchildren to be around for. Please please help her see sense, I don't want to lose my mum! Im hoping that your own experiences will help her as you are going through or have been through what she is facing, and that you could all be such a support to her. Mum, I love you. Please stop smoking xxx

15 Replies

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  • It is up to the person involved to stop smoking. Of course it will help if a person stops smoking but sometimes the stress caused by knowing you are further destroying your lungs by smoking, generates more stress and people respond by smoking: it is a vicious circle.

    I have been though something similar with a friend who has cancer. The stress of the diagnosis and the emotional stress they received everyday when friends and relatives saw them smoking when they knew they had cancer, caused more stress and my friend responded by smoking even more.

    It is a terrible situation to be in, I cannot advise you...but with my friend, I knew he knew the risks, and decided not to tell him every time I saw him and try and support him best I good. The problem with that was that he was then at my house most nights, as it was the only place he could relax :)

  • What a terrible thing to witness Kazzie, your dear mum suffering yet not stopping smoking. It's almost unbearable isn't it yet she will only stop if she wants to.

    All get together and write her a heartfelt letter pouring out how much you love her and need/want her around. Doctors tell their patients how it is too but if nothing like that works then you can only offer love and support whatever the outcome.

    Wishing you well. Xxxx

  • Stopping smoking will not help the damage thats been caused she is right but it CAN stop it getting worse and if she started to eat well and get right medication and get in the right mind set it would help...

    just because the doctor said 5 years it dosnt mean its set in stone...Someone came on here the other day and said her doctor told her she will be on oxygen in the future which is not true because we all dont go on it...we are all different

    See if she would have some counseling it may help change her outlook shes probably depressed and if you can get her to use ecigs they are at least better than smoking cigarettes

    Get her on here there are loads of people she can talk to it DOES make a difference ,,, she could be lonely even though she has you all which may sound crazy but its common

  • Hi there to stop smoking she has to be ready u can help her reduce then stop try different things to replace inhalator etc or food I have reduced then stopped I've been smoking for 25years I'm 36 I have copd respiratory type 2 lung failure it's hard only way if she is buzy and nicotine goes in her system she won't bother and trust tell her I know it does changes your health and life I know I couldn't walk few steps going out of breath know I can walk the street it's all about time how long she stops for cut down if it's hard to stop ✋ take care best of luck

  • Hi nice to meet you. I should imagine your mum knows very well she needs to stop smoking, after all she isn't stupid is she? Nagging at her won't make her stop as you have found and could indeed make her dig her heels in even more. Try telling her you understand how hard it must be for her and assure her she is strong and capable enough to stop. Build up her confidence - not make her feel guilty for smoking. Tell her you will support her through her stopping journey and will be there for her whenever she needs you, even if it means frantic phone calls at ungodly hours.

    Tell her you know the damage is done, but stopping smoking will slow down any further progression of her illness and give her more quality time to spend with her grandchildren.

    There is a very good quit site on HU so see if she will join it. Lastly encourage her to come in and talk to us direct. Good luck. x

  • Great reply Cough :) xx

  • Thank you O2 xx

  • There's lots of help out there I went to my doctors and he put me on patches it worked for me and I'd been smoking for 35 years do it can be done good luck x

  • I wont pretend its easy to give up smoking I was a heavy smoker I enjoyed smoking didn't want to give up, then I was getting short of breath then the cough where I couldn't hold a conversation and dreaded the phone ringing I was diagnosed at the age of 42.

    I came home cried myself to sleep then my daughter aged 21 made a appointment at the quit clinic still I didn't want to give up smoking I was scared.

    After talking to the staff at the quit clinic and being bullied by my 21 year old I decided to use champix . I took the tables at bed time so any side effects I would sleep through still carried on smoking on the 8th day it tasted disgusting but still carried on by the 10th day I smoked my last cigarette.

    Now I go to aqua fit I have lost the weight I put on and in the first 3 years my lung function stayed the same I have yearly flu jabs and keep away from people with the flu.

    I now have 2 beautiful granddaughters and I am so pleased my daughter made that appointment had I of not given up smoking I would of been in a wheel chair on oxygen not being able to enjoy my granddaughters it's never to late to give up smoking.

  • Very well done on you for giving up its certainly not easy.

  • Hi & I am sorry to have to welcome you for such a sad reason. Coughalot2 & others are absolutely correct. Your mother is the only person who can make herself stop. Nagging will just make it worse. I was a heavy smoker for 40 years & stopped one morning when I woke up struggling to breathe. Fear & nicotine patches helped me. I haven't had a cigarette since that morning.

    I believe there is a drug that can be taken to help you stop, there used to be. I suggest you ring the BLF helpline & talk to them about the best way to help your mother.

    I think a letter written by all of you telling her what she means to you is a brilliant idea & might encourage her to do it for all of you if not herself. xx

  • It is hard to stop but I did 4 months ago I hope your mum tries to give up. Everyday I think of my lovely grandkids I have 11 and dearly want to see them grow up. Try to tell your mum of all there is to look forward too, and I hope she listens all my love fellow Copd sufferer

  • It's worth giving up smoking,yes the damage is done,but it can be slowed down . Exercise and a good diet helps, I have stabilized my condition by doing this

  • I hope you can help your mum stop. I smoke well I did up till 10 days ago when I had pneumonia and plurisy and the CDU dr did mention possible COPD I came home cried . And started on a e ciggie I know it's still bad but not as bad as proper ciggies still getting my fix of nicotine , I'm hoping to get of the e ciggies next but for now I'll just send you a hug xx

  • Well done to you for getting off the cigs. Nothing like a dose of pneumonia to scare you off them.

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