Needing some advice please

My dad has been told he is the end of stage 4 copd. After lots of research we learnt it doesn't mean it's the end of his life.

But yesterday his nurse came around to let him know the macmillan nurses were coming. My mum has been told to be prepared to find him passed away which is awful to even think about. A Dr also came to ask him about been brought back to life which he said he didn't want to be and signed a consent form.

He doesn't get out of bed he doesn't eat he has just had enough.

How do we know when it is the end do I need to be at his bedside daily or can it be like this for month's

Any advice is appreciated

9 Replies

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  • Hi

    Sorry you are such a dilemma,

    Read the following,

    Read all the sections, and you can ring the helpline for further information.

    blf.org.uk/support-for-you/...

  • Hello,

    I'm sorry that you're facing such sadness. Your dad is obviously a very special person for you and your family. Do look at the BLF website and you can phone them as Stone suggests.

    It's hard to answer your questions because you can't always say how near death is. It sounds as though your dad is 'ready', and that he wants to give in peacefully. You'll find that this will ease things for you all after he's gone. It can sometimes be a relief - he won't have to go on struggling any more.

    Talk you worries through with the Macmillan nurses when they come. It doesn't sound as though it will be 'for months' but they'll be able to see how he is and be able to give you a better idea of what to expect.

    I'm sorry for your mum, for you and the rest of your family. Be there for each other and I do hope your dad is peaceful and comfortable for the time he has left. Thinking of you.

  • So very sorry to hear what a difficult time your family is facing right now. Having not been through a similar situation cannot even begin to imagine what this must be like but please do remember that there are friends here if you need us. Thinking of you and big hugs x

  • My husband died of advanced Lung Cancer on July 5th this year. You will know when he is approaching the end, when he stops talking to you or reacting. Hearing is the last thing to go. It will comfort him to have you close by, to hold his hand and speak gently to him.

    The Nurses will be able to tell you when he is approaching the end. The Doctor and Nurses were able to tell me. The final two days my husband was completely unresponsive and died quietly while unconscious.

  • I'm so sorry to hear of your Dad.It's never easy to say goodbye to our loved ones but I think it's wonderful he can be at home when the time comes and I hope and pray it will be peaceful for him at the end of his journey. Sending love and hugs huff xxx

  • That's a very difficult question to answer.....my father died of pneumonia after a stroke, but just a few hours before he died he was aware and able to communicate a little. Every situation is so different.

    Thinking of you and your family

  • Thinking of you at this very difficult time. Whenever the end does come for your dear dad, l hope it is peaceful for him.

    Blessings to you all. Xxxx

  • My husband died 4 years ago now and we both went through exactly the same thing he wasn't living a life anymore it was awful to see him suffer and I was told it could be a while or suddenly I don't think they can say love its a matter of waiting to see but my husband was quick I don't mean to upset you as I say they are all different but I send my love it is so very hard to go through

  • I lost my mum 2 years ago to lung cancer. She was 92, diagnosed in hospital when she had pneumonia. She returned home with excellent support & care & lived for 19 days. They supplied a hospital bed, oxygen. Hospice, pain management, macmillan & District nurses came every day. The GP came very quickly if required. We, her family were there day & night. At first she was sat up in bed, pleased to be home & chatty. She was eating & watched East Enders. Gradually, she was only half conscious but unexpectedly she would join in a conversation or want to talk about something. Night Nurses came 3 times a week. The last couple of days she just slept but when we stroked her hand she would smile. Her last day of life she rallied, wanting to be sat up. Party she said, we all had to have a drink. She had a sip of a gin & tonic. She wanted to hear Elvis. For about 20 minutes it was a party atmosphere. Tired, mum said, sleep now. She slept & died peacefully late evening, her family around her. Every one is different as in life. I have talked about this day before but I wanted to share with you, that death can be peaceful. Take care Margaret x

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