Dieased & Caring

Dieased & Caring

WHO's guna look after me ... thats the question i find myself asking.

I thought lung disease was the pits and life coukd not get any lower BUT having your mother father ROBBED from you " metaphorically speaking " due alzheimer's dementia is the most terrible horrendus diseases.

I guess am lucky as i can wipe my tears away BUT can i bring back such a great man memory life back.

In SHORT no.

Life - kids - work then your reward is alzheimer's dementia .. wheres fairness in that.

Advocate champion is all i can give BUT what do a get distance memory if am i Lucky.

Guess i am .. as i still have my father shadow of great man BUT at least i have my memories.

Emotions strength WELL am not ready to let go not even sure if can of if ever will BUT i guess all champion the champions that are looking after all those cares some like myself facing the own health issues battles.

My saviour is not a angle nor a knight in shining armor BUT a admiral MORE precise a ADMRAL NURSE thay call them WHOs job it is to look after people like myself and others Facing the battles AND diseased trying to care for others .

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32 Replies

  • You are to be commended, JAS. Caring for someone with dementia is a very hard job even if you are fit and well yourself. I salute you. x

  • Hi Toci Cheers i have been lucky to see how deicateed staff are on alzheimer's dementia ward in hospital when my dads had a crissis and been temp admited and do take my hat of to them.

    Esp as its just a job if you know what i mean AS am sure there is easier jobs

    For me its like living bereavement really or anticipatory grief the experts like to say BUT i watch him deep in thought scared of dark shadows AND what can i do really.

  • im sorry ur dads got dementia.you love him that's everything you can do for him.

  • Its very sad he forgets just how much BUT am is champion like he was mine

  • yeah the roles reverse when we get older my son looks after my mental health now.2 of my dads 3 sisters had alziemers.are u not sleeping cos ur worried about ur dad or do u always stay up

  • Sorry to read about ya family glad ya son's looking after your mental health.

    I dont really know why am up GUESS not tierd or my heads all over the place but you havve to be strong if not for you but for who you care for.

  • Very thought provoking post JAS and l can empathise with you a little at least. Petes mum has dementia but is fortunate enough to still live in her own flat with a good care package in place.

    You do well to care for your dad but it is hard to see him how he is now l'm sure.

    Thank goodness for the Admiral nurses and others who do a brilliant job.

    You take care and hugs to you and your dad. Xxxxx

  • Hi Sassy Cheers is truly devastating really and my heart empathy go's out to any carer suffer.

  • You are a little gem, Daz, even though some of your complex posts go over my head!! Your dad is very lucky to have a champion in you. xxx

  • Hi Tee1008 Cheers I just hope when if ever I get like that am lucky ENOUTH to have someone like me care for me.

  • {{{hugs}}} 😘

  • Hi Daz well done to you ,you have a very hard job I looked after my father with dementia and then my late husband it's heartbreaking

    Take care


  • Hi Newlands Sorry to read about father and husband totally agree is heart breaking WISH there was words to describe feeling loss we suffer but don't think there is.

  • is hard to see a loved one with it my uncle who was like a second dad had it he also had a stroke so couldn't talk or move around ,

  • Hi Mmzetor my dads turned into hoarder bottle tops buttons anything really EVEN a peg

    If only I had to worry about where my fav peg was .. I guess try to say to myself is good is like that because if he new true horror of he's condition he would crack.

    I just try to make him happy.

  • im afraid that's all you can do ,

  • how are you getting on about your new car have they fixed it yet ,

  • Hi yer i get mine back thursday :)

    Ya just reminded me i have to get theres they borrowed me valeted :)

  • That is such a huge burden of grief and loss to be carrying around with you Daz. It's like your al ready mourning him and with Alzheimer's, the bereavement starts well before the physical death of your parent. We mourn their loss of memory, their loss of independence, joy and seeing the person we love turn into a shadow of their forme selves.

    I lost my beautiful mother to Alzheimer's when she was only 63. At that stage, she'd been declining for 10 years, so it was early onset. At that stage, I had three young children and my Bronchiectasis was slamming g me with infection after infection. She had to go into an Alzheimer's unit eventually because she was wandering all hours of the day and night and I could not take her in full time. She did well enough at the unit and for the next two and a half years, I spent every Sunday and at least one other day during the week, doing the 50-mile trip to see her. My only brother lives in London and my sister who lives here just completely opted out. Even my husband, who is now an extraordinarily caring person, gave me little support and resented the disruption to our family life. He has apologised for this over and over after his mother developed Alzheimer's as well about 15 years later and he knew the burden, I'd had to carry.

    When my mum died I was with her that whole day. At that stage she was in a comatose condition, not eating or speaking just lying in the bed like a little broken doll. We spent the day in her room, I played some music she liked and just talked gently to her, massaged her hands and her head and stayed as physically close to her as I could. At that stage, she'd been in that condition for a month and this was about the 10th call I'd got to say she was dying, over that time.

    She did die at about 4.30 in the afternoon. I told her that she was very tired and it was okay for her to rest now and that I would be okay. I then turned away from the bed for a minute and begged the God she had been so devoted to, to take her. A few minutes later, she made a strange intake of breath and died very peacefully.

    Earlier in her disease, when she'd forgotten most things, she would automatically reach out to pat my back when I coughed, but for that last month, she was completely unresponsive.

    At her funeral, many of her relatives, who had never bothered to visit her, turned up in droves. How come everyone turns up at the funeral, when they could never be bothered with her once the Alzheimer's kicked in.

    She was a beautiful woman and though as a teenager, we had clashed a lot, since I left school we'd had a very loving relationship, my biggest champion and her darling daughter. To see her robbed of her physical beauty and then every iota of her personality, broke my heart into so many pieces, the grief was unbearable.

    Daz, I'm sorry for telling you this long story but I wanted you to know that I know what you're going through. And the fact that you are caring for him and loving him, is wonderful for him and will be a comfort to you afterwards. It really will.

    Please share your feelings here with us, when it gets to you badly. I'm sure there are many, many of us here who've had this experience. And lots of hugs to you and your dad.

  • Hi Billiejean2 Thank you for sharing your experience feelings is devastating as am sure you know with very little let up.

    Take care and thanks for sharing

  • Daz, you have my sympathies and a big hug. My mother in law had AD. She already had a hard life. She was widowed in her 30s, with three young boys. But Nan was a fighter and bought up her sons so well. But then Nan become affected and could no longer live on her own.. The reward for bringing up her sons so well. XX

  • Hi pergola I wish there was something nice I could say about AD but don't think a can apart from it's good they forget.

    I wish I could I hate saying everything's ok lieing to him but what can I say really as the main thing I strive for is him to be happy.

    Thanks for sharing

  • What a lovely if sad post,Billiejean.Your Mum was very lucky to have you in her corner,so to speak.

    It is a horrible disease,& I do sympathise with you Daz,it is so hard to see a loved one slowly disappearing from the person they were.

    I'm experiencing this with Harry,& it's certainly not an easy journey,the family are quite supportive,but sadly friends dropped away over time,not feeling comfortable with the situation!

    Look after yourself,very important, cheers Wendalls xxx

  • Hi wendells is quite surprising really how quick family friends brothers sisters do disapiring act.

    My dads been in hospital week and not one of my other brothers have gone to see him Sad and Annoying is but is to be expected as that's what people do.

    Thanks for share a don't forget to look after yourself wile looking after Harry

  • I remember Nancy Reagan calling this condition "the long goodbye". So true. My mother did get more confused in her old age, and spent her last 18 months in a nursing home, because of physical disability mainly. The day came that I dreaded when she would not recognise me, but she said your my sister, aren 't you? I laughed and said "have you got any children ,Mum?" She laughed and said triumphantly "Yes - you!!" I saved the tears for later.


  • My dad 95 now and has had Alzheimer's for about 3 years now, last year he moved into a nursing home so that I could be sure there was 24 care for him, as he did not understand that I would not always be able to take care of him if I was unwell.

    I have noticed that he gets periods of calm and then comes a period when he gets agitated about life in general and its after these episodes he looses a little bit more of his former life. Very difficult to come to terms with sometimes now when he looks at me I know he does not know who I am for a short period and he does not cope very well with visiting other places, so small trips out are few and far between these days.

    I have learnt to be the mummy now and we muddle along he having bad vest days and me scolding him for changing his vests sometimes 11 times in a week. funnily he does not mind being scolded so I guess it just reminds him of his childhood.

    It tugs at your heart strings though.


  • I can empathise with you, my father in law is 95 and has been diagnosed about 4 yrs.

    He is angry at hubby and me for taking his car from him ( he had his licence revoked by dvla ) he is angry when we tell him we can't do something he wants.

    My hubby has Asbestosis and I have MS so it is very difficult some days but still hurtful when he gets angry at us.

    Like his sister he has retained , so far...who we are and naturally we are the bad guys.

  • I remember once when asked if she knew who I was my mother said, "Yes she is that nice lady that is taking care of me". There was so many things I wished I had asked before her memory faded-like the receipts that she knew by memory that were not written down. Like how she made those beautiful whipped candles with those see thru cards ( they looked like little churches with snow piled on them) that she sent us out door to door selling at Christmas when we were young. What it was like to pick cotton as a young girl. I knew she did but only recently visited a field of cotton and seen how sharp the edges of the plant were. So many things I wish I had asked. Jeff I hope there are times still for you to ask.

  • They have been experimenting with stem cells and are getting good results.

    but I don't think they are using them yet. lets hope it's soon.

  • It is indeed a very cruel disease in so many ways.

  • I take my hat off to you. It must be really hard for you, but how right for both of you that you just want to make him happy. Bless your dad.

    Sue x

  • JeffAjaxSmith this is a very interesting article & it is terrible to suffer from something so awful so early on in life. There has been a major discovery with a herbal recipe which is scientifically proven to help with Alzheimer's disease. It is a drink made with turmeric that has the active ingredient curcumin in it mixed with fresh root ginger & black pepper. If consumed every day it has proven successful for the relief of Alzheimer symptoms. This can also be bought in tablet form at any reputable health food store. I hope this helps someone Clara

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