When one is

young one never gives a thought about dying. But as one enters into old age the thought will surely crop up from time to time.

The funny thing is as far as we can tell we are the only creature on the planet that knows it is going to die.

We may fear it we may even welcome it. Whatever, there is no escaping it.

Kings and Lords, Rich and poor it is the great leveler.

Whatever your beliefs or your non-beliefs it as as natural as the changes of the season.

Do not fear it.


41 Replies

  • I don't fear it gus but do think about it sometimes. I hope to see my grandchildren grow up but who knows. Xx

  • I am sure you will. God willing.

    Who knows they may even see you in a better place.

    Nothing wrong with faith. It can move mountains as the song goes.


  • No, definitely not going in a home! Xxx😉😘😀

  • Ah! got me there. I don't blame you though. I work part time in a care home and although as far as i can tell it is a very good one. The residents are very well looked after. I have only worked in this one so I have no comparison

    Even so the residents (they are not called patients btw) ask about their homes and their loved ones. Ten minuets later they have forgotten they asked but it must be there in the horror that is Alzheimer.


  • Horror indeed gus. My MIL has dementia but is still in her own flat which is good. Xx

  • Until I worked at the care home I had not the slightest idea until I talked to visiting doctors and staff that there where different types of dementia of which Alzheimer is just one.

    It is a killer though.

    Let us all pray they find if not a cure at least a way to stop it developing. I honestly can not think of a worst affliction.


  • I agree gus truly awful xxx

  • gustavski

    Hi gus

    I worked with people with dementia (an umbrella term for many types of the illness) for 20 years in various posts. You have to step into their world and knowing who they were and as much as u can about them helps good communication and let's you into their reality I hope you understandwhat I mean


  • This is an interesting topic Gus. I don’t fear death here and now but wonder how I’d be at the time of it happening. I think I will be at peace with it, knowing that I will be in a better place. I wonder though will I worry about my kids and grandkids while I am in that peaceful state? (Sounds like I will be wrestling with myself) I’d have to get back to you later, much later that is!;)

    As for animals knowing or not that their death is near or at hand? Good question? From my own experiences is that prior to death they go off on their own to a quiet place of comfort known to them. Interesting thing while growing up and raising tropical fish with my Dad, most fish were at their brightest colors just before dying.

  • I am very sure that my husband knew when his end was close. With the strength he had, he heldhis head up for a kiss and a squeeze of my hand. Then he waited until he was completely on his own. Sadly, I had left the room xx

  • Hello Pergola, I believe my wife also knew it was time. After weeks of no activity but in a state of sleep, she opened her eyes trying to say goodbye and then closed them and passed away. It is a bitter sweet memory but I still shed a joyful tear knowing she is with our Creator and without pain. I can still see her beautiful blue eyes from that moment years ago.

  • Peteybob, my mum knew a wekk before she died. I was hee and she phoned me to tell me that she was dying. She didn't want me near her because she knew "we would both be crying together" and she didn't want that. I phoned her a day before she died. I took the phone somehow, but couldn't answer any longer. I said good bye to her and told her i had loved her a lot.

    Of course, I think of her a lot. I'm sure that I've inherited her passino for living. Death is a passage. We all must go through it. yet we live ... let's make the most of it! Mic

  • My partner did exactly the same thing Pergola, insisted I go for a quick smoke and when I got back, he was gone xx

  • You are so right, Gusavski. being born and dying are natural processes. What I want to know, what is the purpose of life, if we are going to die? I personally dont dread death since husband went. I am a good age. How many people have done their funeral wishes. I was so busy getting Brian to plan his funeral (he was very healthy at the time. Me, with dodgy lungs still haven't planned my funeral. XX

  • Well in my opinion for what it's worth you should.

    To talk about ones funeral is almost forbidden.

    This plays right in the hands of the Funeral Companies that will try to make your relatives pay enormous costs when it can be quite cheap if you do some advanced planning.

    We have all heard they can put me out with the rubbish kind of jokes.

    Bit imo death should be discussed more, and more openly.

    It can leave a terrific debt on gullible relatives and loved ones.


  • I have planned my funeral. Even written my story to be read out. I take funerals from time to time so I have an idea what works well. One of the problems that can happen with a church funeral is when the family go off to the crem, and then there is a long pause, of two hours or more. It is possible to have the commendation and commital done in the church with only the funeral directors going to the crem.

    That is what I have chosen.

    For me, one of the consolations of this disease is that I think I will not live long enough to become a "What should we do about Mum?" burden.

  • I agree with you about planning your funeral.I an in the process of planning mine.I have told family members some things but I need ti do it.No one can tell out story like we can.Take care God bless

  • What IS the body disposal method which would cause the least worry and debt to loved ones Gus? Do you have any idea?

    I agree with you 100% and sometimes wonder where to start to research a method least likely to be a drain on my younger wife's resources, and one which causes the least grief.

  • That sadly is not something anyone can answer except the departed friends or loved ones it is surely an individual choice. Or maybe the deceased has made a will stating how they would like to be sent off.

    To my mind they should do it as cheaply as they can. Unless they like a lot of show. Why pay for an oak coffin with gold plated handles when you can get one a fifth of the price.

    This as nothing to do with respect. It is a con for the funeral directors and florists to get you to pay as much as they can squeeze out of you.

    Of course if you have an healthy bank balance maybe you could splash out a little. But if you are watching the pennies go the cheapest route you can.


  • Hi Gus,

    That's exactly what I mean. What IS the cheapest route? I would dearly like to specify this in my will. I feel quite strongly that the deceased's wishes on this should be honoured. But, and I repeat, what IS the cheapest route? It needs to be reliable and without involving the families, loved ones and friends any more than absolutely necessary. I really don't know, but I am determined to find out if such a route exists. My wife will have enough on her plate without worrying about funeral directors, as they call themselves. I just organised the funeral of my uncle for which he had prepaid (thank goodness) on some sort of plan he took part in. It does make things EASIER for the survivors, but as you have already said, the funeral directors are laughing all the way to the bank!! We are going away on three weeks holiday next week (to Spain) and when I come back I am going to research this subject after reading your post to Pergola.

  • Pergola, I often wondered why we should make funeral plans! I haven't either. I just have in my will that I want to be cremated and hope that my ashes will be freed in the wind!

    Let's live now, because what we do in live is very improtant. I belive we have each a mission. We should develop a passion too.

    There are many things we can do while getting older. I didn't have any children, but there is certainly that aspect, pass onour experience to the younger ones, so they may live even better that us.

    Be of good cheer,Mic

  • The purpose of life

    pergola , as I see it, as in Nature, is to cast our seed and die, but being human beings we can enjoy the process in between and maybe look forward to something else.

  • pergola....You want to know the purpose of life. It is to live until you die.

    What else could it be?


  • I just cannot believe that when you die, you go up in a puff of smoke (crem!.) I am toldthat I will see Brian again, but it wont be as I know him. That is what I want but his body was of no use to him at the end. He was cremated so how will I know it isBrian when I meet him, if I do. X

  • There is nothing wrong in believing in an afterlife. It is one of the basic tenants of Christianity.

    But whether one is cremated or buried it matters not one jot. Do the Christians not say it is your soul that departs the body at the time of death.

    Spare a thought for the sect in India that leave their dead out for the vultures to eat. It is called I believe The Towers of Silence.

    Not many funeral directors there I should imagine.


  • I dont have an issue with talking about death! Working in a geriatric ward years ago. Animals have a privilege - they aren't allowed to suffer xx

  • It might seem a bit strange but whenever I've felt a bit over anxious about dying I've consoled myself with the thought that 'life' is a terminal condition. I don't really know why I find comfort in that - maybe I'm just more afraid of suffering and being very ill, than I am of dying. It sort of puts all illness into perspective tho', because if I'm going to die anyway then illness, which may change how I 'live' my life doesn't, in the end - change anything. For me, it sort of resets the clock and I'm grateful for everyday because from the day I was born I've had a terminal condition called life, and I am so grateful.

  • Life is a chronic, terminal, sexually transmitted disease.

    Once started a sermon with that....

    God was giggling, not sure about the congregation.


  • I'm giggling - have to admire your nerve if not the phraseology 😂😂😂

  • Magpuss, So am i, very grateful inded.

    When I look around, I see that Life is very tenacious. See those plants that live in desertic conditions. They catch fireand are burnt to the ground. Yet, they have this little spore which allows them to keep alove and grwo after the fire had destroyed them.

    Life is amazing. I also belive, in my own opinion, that we live in death. Of course, I don't know how, but I do believe it. My faith helps a great deal.


  • I like to think that the next stage of the journey is where we find those things out.

  • Magpus, you're right. I have a long list! Mic

  • Well this of course leads into the yea and nay of Euthansia or assisted suicide.

    Food for thought.


  • Reminds me of Jacob "Jack" Kevorkian (aka Dr. Death) from when I lived in the Detroit MI area. He aided dozens of terminally ill people in ending their lives. Not saying I'm for it or not-not sure really.

    But these days we also have the right to a DNR choice in many areas. Kind-of gets ya thinking more.

  • It is food for thought. I have seen so many people linger on, in my job. But when Malcolm the cat fell terminally ill, it was my privilege to make a choice for him.

  • Our generation will have a better idea of when, how, and where we will die, than any other previous generation. And with that knowledge comes the increasing possibility of choice. Not too far back patients would be kept in the dark about prognoses. And just given treatment with no explanation, and not given any part in the decision-making.

    Great and important changes.


  • Gus, Some years ago, I had a crisis. I had doubts and was in a bad place. Fortunately, my wife and some Christian friends helped me a lot. I hav a strong faith which I think does support me a lot.

    Strangely, the crisis did not occur when I was very ill.

    When I was so ill, I was on the brink of death with pseudomonas and TB. When the microbiologist found out wht I had my consultant gave me a good drug. The psychiatrist gave me a nn addictive anti depresant. With this in hand, I decided to go to the gym. All this worked wonders.

    Yes, I know I am going to die, BUT I have developed a passion for living and a passion for the flute and with the grace of God, I'm allowed to live longer.

    Of course, you have to face a crisis, if such occurs; get the help that you need (The pulmonary nurse can always contact the counsellor of the department). Then when you get better within yourself, develop a passion. To me that is crucial for living many long years! Mic

  • In the late 80s when I was still working full time in Berlin I visited my mother and father whenever I could, holidays long weekends that sort of thing.

    I noticed over time that my parents were becoming increasingly frail. Dad was showing signs of senile dementia and mom was not much better.

    I decided to call in outside help and arranged carers for the both of them, meals on wheels and that sort of thing. It worked out quite well according to reports and various social worker visitors so by and large I did not worry too much about their welfare.

    What I did start to think about was what would happen if one of them died or was dying. I knew that the other could not cope. My elder brother who lives in the USA would be no help. I decided there and then to make arrangements for their funerals so that when I did have to return I would not have to run around like a bare bottomed fly. I contacted a local funeral firm in the city where they lived and paid for funerals to be executed when they died. In the event it was five years later when they died within three months of each other.

    I did hear the odd ' cold hearted bastard' but I think it was a trifle unfair considering I had to travel a 1000 km to be with my parents.

    RIP mom and dad.


  • Here's a story about my dads cremation.

    I arrived with my mom she was in a wheel chair. We waited for our service.

    I noticed quite a few CCTV around. This was a time before they were as popular as they are now. I don't even know if they were called CCTV then.

    I asked the cremation director why would one want cameras in a crematorium of all places. He answered 'fighting' He went on tell me that fights broke out quite often mostly in the car park but sometimes even in front of the coffin. Police were often called he said.

    It turns out that the emotion that is present at a funeral can bring forth all kind of resentments. Old woulds are opened. The will was to much in someone else's favour. You never did like granny. That sort of thing.

    If you want to be entertained without paying you now have not only the supermarkets but also the local crematorium.

    Not every one's cup of tea though.


  • We are only on this earth 1000 months and two things we can't avoid is death and the taxman

  • Anyone care to tell me what Mic means ....It has got me baffled.

    Surely one can't mean microphone.


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