New house

We moved into our lovely wee bungalow a few weeks ago now and I just love it.Sadly since moving our 21 year old daughter has stopped talking to us and we aren't seeing our wee grandson.I wouldn't post anything until I felt better,don't want to be a wet blanket and put people on a downer with depressing posts.That's the crappy thing about being ill,real life still happens too,it's not like we get a pass because we're dealing with enough just being ill.But I'm determined not to wallow in self pity,life goes on,and I need to stay positive.

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  • gothmum Iknow how u feel I didn't see my grandson for the first 3years of his life but that's water under the bridge and we sorted it out I'm sure yours will be too best wishes x

  • Hi sorry your daughter won't let you see your grandson. Hope you get things sorted out. Take care x

  • we had the same kind of thing with our eldest son its not so much him as his girlfriend it is hard but keep your chin up it normally works its self out in the end , I found they been harder work through their teens and early 20s than they was when right little , glad your settling in well in your bungalow ,

  • Such a shame gothmum, such joy and happiness tempered by the sadness of not seeing your grandson. Can you keep up some kind of communication? I do hope so as we didn't speak or see Pete's parents for some years a long time ago now and I feel everyone missed out especially the kids. We did get back together again but father in law died a short time after and we see mother in law quite often but she now has dementia.

    You try and stay well and be positive - that is what gets you through.

    Lots of love to you. xxxx

  • Hello gothmum

    So glad you have settled into your new home, and are keeping positive.

    We are all here for you if you feel like a rant, or are feeling down and need to chat.

    Sorry to hear you haven't seen your daughter and grandson lately, and l hope it sorts itself out, it normally does, but it does take time.

    I haven't seen my two eldest grandchildren since January, or my Son his two eldest children.

    He has a very vengeful Ex wife, who uses the children as a weapon, this has happened a lot over the years, but it normally works out after a few months.

    Don't lose hope, l am sure she will come around.

    xx

  • Morning Gothmum, whatever the problem is I'm sure you can resolve it between you. There's no use apportioning blame to any of you, maybe you just have to agree to disagree, aft sister and brother did after a long standing feud between them. They hadn't spoken for a while, but then the passing of a family member made them realise life's too short to carry it on. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person and put yor feelings aside a bit. I do hope you can sort it out, and get on with enjoying your new home.

    Love and hugs, 

    Christine. XXX

  • Loss is exactly what I don't want to happen while we are exiled from one another--and I fear it will--MmeT

  • I, too, moved into my fantastic little bungalow in April2014.  Sadly, under sad circumstances.  Husband was very ill.  The garden is easy to maintain - no lawn.  But that the memories of Brian are getting easier, I am loving being here.  Friendly people near the sea.

    I think you need to talk if you are depressed.  I, too, have a problem but with my daughter in law.  A very long story and it wont get any better.  But I am plucking up courage to explain to my son about a situation which cant be helped.  He plays a clever game - wife in one corner and his family in the other and to a point it works. 

    I am sorry to hear about your daughter and grandson.  I hope and pray that things will sorts themselves out for you all.  Have you tried approaching her by post?  Attaching blame to nobody, just to say how you feel without being judgemental. 

    I am a broncho, hiatus hernia, asthma plus one or two other "delightful conditions". 

  • That's so sad gothmum! 😪 I hope you manage to sort things out with your daughter because life is definitely too short! 😔

    It's lovely you're enjoying your new home. I live in a bungalow & have lived here for nearly 30 years. I thank my lucky stars everyday that I don't have to climb stairs to go to bed! 

    As you say, stay positive & you will come through. Take care 💐

  • So pleased for you about your new bungalow.  It will be such a help to you.  Its sad that for some reason your daughter has stopped talking, and you don't see your grandson. Some years ago my eldest son broke off contact with us.  He would send birthday   cards but never came to see us.  It upset me a lot, I dreamt about him, he would come into a room, in my dream, and I would be thrilled and approach him and he would disappear.  I constantly thought I saw him in the street snd it would be someone else.  Then, after about 3 years, he was visiting my other son and his wiferang  and told me he was there.  I went over expecting a snub but we just hugged and we are so close now, but I never mention it.  I believe he had some personal struggle that he felt unable to share.  Maybe this is the case with your daughter, and I would say if you get the chance to make up, no recriminations would be my advice.  Love  Iris x 

  • wonderful advice--I am rethinking things--Thank you MmeT

  • Oh no,to keep your mind filled with positive thoughts at this time must be difficult,the fact that you can't see your grandchild breaks my heart ,I really dink know how I would cope if I couldn't see my Grandaughter ( although as she is now 13 it's more 

    on face time /Skype as with homework and quality time with mum and dad and her friends etc her time is limited ,but we shared many years together from birth until high school ,,,,I miss her dreadfully but I put my time to good use by writing her a letter each week ,,,,I don't post them ,,,but I keep them in a memory box ,,,,perhaps you could do something like that ,,,,in the hope that one day you can pass your memory box to your grandson ,,,,best wishes ,Georgina ,

  • Like everyone else I'm really sorry, gothmum. No we don't get a pass from problems because we're ill - in fact I think we're sometimes more like sitting targets and it's harder to duck the crappy things. They can get you full on! And family troubles? - that really hurts.

    Just a thought - is it possible that your daughter isn't dealing too well with her mum being Ill? Is there a link with you moving to the bungalow??

    Could you write to her asking at least to see your little grandson? Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it, but you never know!! And enjoy your new home x

  • Hello=--that's a thought because my estranged daughter told me last time I saw here--she couldn't stand watching me get old and being sick--Tho it may be true--I never felt I had that option when my mum had a massive stroke and sat in a wheelchair for 5 years in diapers unable to communicate well and Id spend an hr trying to decipher one thing she said--I approached it wil love and dread but She was my mother----then she  had another one and died--I lost half then all--But my sis felt like she didn't have to face it and stayed away--How mum would have loved to see us both together before she died--So my point is you have a point although I don't think it is one bit fair to any sick or aging mother or grandmother--to abandon them for any reason and it happens everyday--MmeT

  • I don't see my parents,I was horribly abused by both of them and cut contact about 8 years ago,when my daughter was 17 we discovered,when she left to go and live with them, that she d been sneaking about with them.she was away for 9 months.She came back and swore it wouldn't happen again,then she ended up pregnant.We watched the wee boy for 3 years to let her work.A lot has gone on,and I told her seeing my parents was a deal breaker.we just discovered that she s been sneaking about with them again,going lovely days out with my mum and the wee one,things I can't do because of my health,so it's cut me to the quick.Well now she s back seeing them,she s cut contact with us.She neglects the wee one and we've bit out tongues and picked up the slack and did the things she should have been doing, so I'm heartbroken and worried that the wee one won't be being looked after properly.I've cried for 2 weeks,but I've pulled myse!f together.She knew contact with my parents was a deal breaker and swore she d never hurt me with them again.Of course my parents are loving this,another way to hurt me.I'm trying to be strong 

  • Oh gothmum, so much pain. Don't know what to say but you seem to be doing brilliantly in your efforts to be strong. Hard, though, when you think of that little chap. . . . Much love, Sue x

  • This is a complicated situation, do you feel your grandson is at risk?  If you do, you would be justified in seeking help from social services.  Only you can  decide if that is the road you have to go down. I do feel for you, it would be a big step to take and estrange you from your daughter even more.  It depends on the degree of neglect that you think might happen.  We all wish you well, do take care of yourself and maybe your doctor would listen to your fears. 

  • Hi Gothmum,I have a daughter Ive seen twice in 5 years --and no real explanation--I cried off and on for  years-went thru whole grief stages like a death-Another 1 of the 3 isn't talking to me--cuz I told her to get a job-(she needs one and knows it)-so thats been 2 mos--I got one out of 3 talks to me and she is 1500 miles away---I get it--It hurts--I am sorry--MmeT

  • Gothmum    So sorry.  I was going to tell you to write to her until I read your last comments. Number one priority has to be your grandson.  Tell your daughter how concerned you are for his well being and that if she does not take care of him properly you will have no choice but to contact social services.  At the moment you your daughter and your mother have to come second to the wellbeing of your grandson.  

  • Hi gothmum, you are hurting so much on an emotional level and this suffering will not help your physical health either. 

    Please can you make a appointment with someone that you trust from your respiratory team, and explain to them what is happening in your life...hopefully they will find you the help that you need to heal the past and help you live more peacefully and happily in the future.

    Thinking of you 

  • Hello gothmum,

    Good news on the bungalow front and of course  now you should be enjoying all the benefits living on the level brings.   

    I read your letter further along and am worried about your Grandson.  If you have any concerns about neglect there is only one thing to do. I would not even think twice about estranging yourself from your daughter - your Grandson cannot do this for himself - he is still a baby at three. Telephone Social Services now.

    xx

  • we spoke to our daughter until we were blue in the face about looking after the wee mite.When he came to us id check the dirt In his nails and it would be there for days,his hair would be dirty,he gets chips from the chip shop every other night,she wont cook,and she hasn't potty trained him,so to save money she puts a tena pad on him,but leaves it on all day,and when his wee trousers are getting wet it rubbing and chaffing his wee legs red raw,he was crying in pain.We phoned the social work dept to report it,with a heavy heart,all they did was send her health visitor out,who announced she was coming before she did,meaning the filthy house got cleaned before they came out.My heart is breaking,but I've no regrets,I tried to help him,she knows it was us,that's partial reason for her walking away from us.The social work didn't help and now we aren't there to fill the gap and do the things she isn't doing 😢 x

  • Dear gothmum.....is there anyone else you can speak to about your fears....how about Parentline Scotland ....or your own nurse .

    Best wishes

  • If you feel your young grandson needs urgent help and you don't want to contact Social Workers again, try NSPCC  0808 800 5000.

    This will not help your relationship with your daughter sadly, but will ensure the little boy is safe.

    Very good luck to you.

    Tee x

  • gothmum   It must have taken a lot of guts to do what you did, shows what a caring person you are.  If you still  suspect he is being neglected then you must phone them again or try child line they maybe able to point you in the right direction as to where you can get help for him. 

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