SENIORS AND WISDOM

SENIORS AND WISDOM

Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don't really give a rat's ass anymore.

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

And they tell us to exercise? I don't think so.

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

7. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.

8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

12. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

15. It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They're everywhere.

16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..

17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . . I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".

75 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Ha...thank you Burra....food for thought 

  • Thanks Knitter.

    It would be but for the fact I can't remember

    Will

  • Remember what?

  • Ha ha ha

  • Exactly Gerald  What!!

  • Very moving ceremony this morning. For a town of about 750 we had a turn up of over 1000. Lots of tourists stopped and joined up. Almost lost it a few times. Gerald.

  • Gerald

    I attended the Williamstown  Anzac memorial, held yesterday, very heart wrenching ceremony.

    You know we have a saying here in Oz "the day the nation stops for a horse race". Maybe we should reflect more on the day a nation "remembers"

    Keep well my friend

    Will

  • G'day Mate

    All very applicable 😂😂

    Love the ones about immortal Postman, the tortoise,  toes on knees, and definitely the last one. 😂😂

    6.45am here.....now where did l put the kettle and teapot last night ??????

    In The Fridge ???  Maybe the Oven ????

    xx

  • Try under the bed mate.

    Or look where you last had them.

    By the time I do this I can't remember what it is I am looking for.

  • G'day Will

    Look for what under my bed ???? 😂😂😂

    xx

  • Yes Velvet

    Reminds me of the husband with dementia.

    Tells the wife "I am going into the kitchen to get some ice cream and fruit".

    The wife says "I will have some too, but I also want cream and sprinkle nuts on the top. " She adds "Now write it down as you have a terrible memory and I don't want you to forget" He laughs and ignores her.

    5 mins later he returns with 2 plates of scrambled eggs on toast.

    She yells "you old fool   I told you that  you'd forget! Where's the tomato sauce" ?

  • 😂😂😂 Love it Will 😂😂😂

    Mr V's short term memory is terrible, but he takes the family Mickey taking in good humour.

    When we go out, we always pull his leg , and offer to write him a note when he goes to the Bar to order a few drinks.

    Yesterday Morning he nipped to the Supermarket for the newspaper, l asked him if he would get a carton of cream while he was there.

    He opened the kitchen drawer and got a pen and paper and wrote himself a note !!!

    I cracked up with laughter, and said it was only two items !!

    He laughed back and said it's a long way to the Supermarket, and he may forget !!

    The Supermarket is two minutes away by car 😂😂

    He cracked up when l gave him a note back, with a map and our address to find his way home 😂😂

    xx

  •  Velvet  You surprise me.I thought that the map would show him the way to the old peoples home.

    My darling wife always writes a shopping list for when we do our weekly trip to the supermarket.

     When we get there I ask her for it and guess what?  she has managed to leave it on the kitchen bench.

    Ever seen an old man fumbling his way thru the aisles, grabbing what he thinks we need and after spending 100's of dollars arrives home with bags of goods, duplications of what we already have. 

    I must love her though as I let her sneak into my bed every night.

    Will 

  • Burrs oh oh so true and story of my life! Absolutely rolled up. Keep 'em coming. I imagine for Australua and New Zealand yesterday must have been very moving. Much as the 11th hour of the 11th day is in UK.

  • Yes mate

    It is still today 4pm here.

    Very hard not to remember the 11/11.

    It is my in laws anniversary, although both have moved their furniture upstairs.

  • Oh Sorry I have trouble with the 24 hour clock in UK, never mind different time zones round the world. I always think 16.30 is 6.30 and have been known to book coach from airport for before plane has landed. My sons now book all my travel arrangements, they reckon it is easier in the long run.

  • Do not concern yourself Snodgrass.

    I remember several years ago when we went to New Zealand,and the flight centre handled all our bookings.

    It was not until the night prior to coming home that I realised that the girl had booked us on a 4 am flight out of Christchurch.

    I wish that the company had used the 24 hour clock. Possibly could have changed the home flight to a sensible hour.

    Will

  • Yes but that wasn't really your fault was it? My disasters are 100% down to me. Lol.

  • Snodgrass

    When you are beyond 70   NOTHING is your fault.

    There is always some poor soul out there you can blame.

    I have 7 and 3/4 grand children (the last is still cooking in the oven) and you have no idea how much blame is proportioned to them, especially when I cannot find things.

    My darling wife has her own way of dealing with "clangers"

    She had the audacity to accuse me of saying something which I did not do and after verification of same by a third party her reply was "Well I forgive you"

    They have a way of twisting things to come out on top even when they are   Dare I say WRONG (have to type this quietly in case she ,who must be obeyed, hears me.)

    Will

  • HA so funny and very true

  • I would enjoy it better if I could remember it.

    Seems that about 5 mins is the limit.

    Terrible when you start to type something in a reply and then forget who you are sending it to! More disturbing for me is when I cannot remember whether I have sent it or not!!

    Will

    And they tell me it will get worse.

  • Love it :-)

  • You may have it. No good to me I will not find the original again so someone may as well use it. Something to do with 3 & 4 in my post.

  • Brilliant. Lots of logic there.

  • Thanks Redted

    I hope a small amount of humor also.

    Will

  • So funny, and I agree with all of it. thanks for that, now I have to work out how I can share it with someone! 

  • G'day Lyd

    If you hold the cursor over the first letter,hold the l/h button down and run the cursor down to the last letter of the message  everything should turn blue (or some other colour)

    Right click anywhere in the coloured area and it will will ask you "Copy"

    click Copy

    If you want to send an email, open up "compose"and right click any where in the text message area and hit paste then the message should appear.

    This will not work if you use the right button for any other reason prior to using it for the pasting of the message..

    Hope this helps

    Will

  • Thanks so much.  I have only just started to copy and paste, and one instruction I. Followed from Youtube said copy to notes which I do, but  its a bit hit and miss.  It seems I have to delete the previous note before adding the next.  I am using an apple ipad. 

  • Are you opening a new page before you 'paste' in notes? (Same paper/pen sign as email)  Should not then remove previous notes.  (I also use an iPad)

    Tee X

  • Thank you so much Tee, never thought of doing that but have just done it successfully, you have made this old lady happy!  Not quite past it yet! 

  • Glad it worked 😄

  • So So True.  I think that we get to the age that we do not feel holding back something is really worth all the trouble.  We are not grumpy but more honest ?

  • Not grumpy??

    You need to talk to my wife and kids.

    I even have a "T" shirt to prove that I am a grumpy old man

    Will

  • Have you seen the fridge magnet - sometimes I wake up grumpy, and sometimes I let him sleep! 

  • So true......love it 

    Jo.

  • Thanks Jo

    Glad you enjoyed it

    Will

  • Love it 😂😂😂 xx Sonia xx

  • Thanks Sonia

    Love What??

    Must be something I sent over 5 mins ago

    Will

  • Absolutely great really made me smile x

  • Thanks Barbs

    As Hal roach, the famous Irish comedian used to say "Isn't it good to laugh"

    It takes 5 muscles to smile and 37 to frown. I do not know about you, but I do not like to do unnecessary work.

    Enjoy the day

    Will

  • Thanks Will and I'll keep smiling it's one thing that does take any breath hahaha😆😆😆😆😆😆 take care x

  • Hi Will, (pause II ), (play >) just had to scroll to the top of the page as I forgot what you wrote. 

    What you say brought a smile to my face but after having a think I'm worried that it brought a smile to my face as I can relate most of it to myself.

    I am also at the stage that if I get up to do something I look for other jobs to do as well so that I don't have to keep getting up and down.

    It is worth remembering (if you can) that if you loose something and then find it the first thing you should do after finding it is to stop looking for it.

    Regards John

  • John, I can identify with that.  As I move about the house, I am thinking, now if I take that back to the bedroom, I can get so and so from the kitchen on the way.  I never save myself any walking though, because I usually forget the first reason I was moving for.  Lol if you can make sense of that you are doing ok!  Iris x 

  • I think I remember reading somewhere that you know your getting old when you bend down to tie up your shoelaces, and look around to see if there is anything else   you can do while you're down there! 

  • Iris

    Interesting idea,though I am trying to visualise what else one would do apart from trying to find something to grab hold of in order to unbend.

    When I was young we used to have the 5 second rule, that is if you dropped it (food) and you could retrieve it within 5 secs then it would be alright to eat. You see it takes over 5 secs for the germs to latch on to it.

    Now I am old I have changed it to the 10 sec rule as it takes me 5 secs just to bend  over.

    Will

  • At least you know you have dropped something, that's a bonus! 

  • Hi Iris, I learnt years ago to use slip-on shoes. It saves loads of bending over. 

    Regards John

  • Me too, slip off slippers, slip on shoes, job done. Takes long enough to get out of the door without shoelaces to fall over. 

  • John

    I never thought of that

    Wise words

    I will put that into practice.

    Seems these days I have a "to do list" and I start with great intentions, but no sooner than I start, i realise that another job on then list becomes visible, so I stop the first and start on the second. This goes on until night time when I go indoors, absolutely "buggared" without managing to finish one job.

    Oh well tomorrow is another day. Maybe I need to rest tomorrow, which reminds me.     Wife asks hubby "What are you going to do today"  "Nothing"

    "But you did that yesterday"    "I know but I haven't finished yet"

    Enjoy the day Mate

    Will

  • If I could remember what I was supposed to be doing, I wouldn't be talking to people on here. Lol

    As for the ToDo List, I find that if you leave things on there long enough, someone else usually does them.

    Doing nothing is really hard work but I'm sure if I keep practicing I'll get it right one day.

    Regards John

  • G'day John

    The pastilles arrived yesterday   Yuk!!!   was the good wife's expression.   I tried one and the taste is a little "odd" .

    I have taken more and found the relief lasts about 1 hour.

    I suffer with Bronchitis which is a drop in the bucket compared to Susan's battle with IPF.

    I think the Fisherman's friend will remain as the favored relief,however I will keep the pastilles in the car and I will use them whilst out.

    Many thanks for the tip.

    Stay happy mate

    Will

  • Thanks, perspective is a joy, lovely you spread it!

  • You are most welcome.

  • Thanks for the laughs...er...er..Will??

    I have a shadow that seems to make odd groaning noises when I get up or out of a car.  Never managed to see him, but he's a real whinger!

    Tee xx

  • If you turn out the light Tee I guarantee you "it" will disappear.

    Will

  • Thanks very much, I really enjoyed that. So much truth said with 'laugh out loud' humour.

  • Thanks Dave

    The world can certainly use a good dose of humor at the moment.

    I have always wondered what would happen if the TV stations only showed "good " news on their programs. I suppose many would be disappointed as they seem to thrive on other peoples misfortune.

    What a funny, and, for most of the time, a sad world we live in.

    Will

  • Ha ha brilliant and so true.  x

  • Must be one of the best posts ever for humour, involving everyone but all on a similar topic, getting old can be hard work, especially with lung conditions but if you can laugh at yourself (and others) in a gentle way it is wonderful!

  • I like your way of thinking lol.

  • I spent at least 20minutes in morrisons on Saturday struggling to read labels on cartons and cans before I realised I was still wearing my sunglasses

  • I feel for you Joyce

    My wife's Grandfather spent a weekend with us several years ago and in the morning he went from room to room turning on all the lights,complaining how dark it was. Yes he had my sunny's on.

    Do not feel alone.

    Will

  • love them thank you some of the best I've seen xxx

  • Thanks Undine

    Glad you enjoyed therm

    Will

  • Love them!

  • Hope they put a smile on your face Vashti

    Will

  • Brilliant post BBE !

    Love them all. I was pleasantly surprised to see you refer to Hal Roach. Sure he'd be thrilled to realise he's known and remembered over there. 

    Best to you and your wife !

  • Thank you Billiejean

    I am guessing you might have a little bit of the Blarney stone  in you??

    I have enjoyed listening to Hal for many many years.

    What made him unique, in my opinion, was that he could really tell a joke without using gutter language.

    Alas, more's the pity, the modern day so called comedian cannot do likewise

    Will .

  • Brilliant

    Hilde

  • Glad you enjoyed it Hilde

  • Good afternoon, I'm just reading your 17, I'm hoping joking replies for the day. They are very entertaining for the soul to those who need a good laugh.

  • Love your signature. Yes I rely heavily on my belief too, and always try to create happiness, i.e my glass is always half full.

    When you are dealing with IPF the last thing you need is gloom.

    My wife has the disease,however with a positive attitude she handles it very well.

    I will pray for you as your user name indicates

    GOD Bless

    Will

  • Ok, that's great we do need some kind of happiness in our life and if  a laugh a day helps that's wonderful. Sorry to hear about your wife, but with your support I know she is in great hands and will be fine. Enjoy your day!

  • That's so funny so true made me chuckle .

  • Thanks Matrix

    I just re read it and I agree

    Reading something I have written over 5 mins ago is like reading it for the first time

    Will

You may also like...