Missing my mum

Im really struggling missing my mum so much she has only been gone for 24 days and i cant get my head around all of this i cant believe im not going to see her again that i have to live this life without her being in it i no people mean well when there saying time is a great healer, you will get on with your life. how can i when my best friend and most of all my dearest mummy has gone.

I dont no what to do its killing me watching my dad cry all the time.

Where do i go??

13 Replies

  • Hi I emphasise with you as I lost my mum nearly 3 years ago. Time is a great healer but it doesn't mean much to you right now as you are still in the first stages of grief. I know there are 5 stages - denial, anger, (not sure of the next 3 but I know the last one is acceptance).

    It is normal to feel very lost in the first stages when the grief is still very raw. I know I experienced a strange surrealness for a while and couldn't believe a world could exist without my mum in it. The world looks a different place and it takes time to get used to it.

    I found what helped me most was talking about her with my family and sharing the pain and the memories. What also helped was getting a sign from her that she was ok. I never really believed in this until it happened to me.

    She had a plant called a Day Lily where the flowers would come out 1 or 2 at a time and only last for 1 day. Well one of my sisters had this plant and they had both thought it was dead as it hadn't flowered for 4 years. About 3 weeks before the first anniversary of her death 1 little bud appeared. The flower came out on the exact anniversary - just 1 then the next day it died. My sister and I were amazed and both said 'Thanks mum, we know you are ok now'.

    Hold onto the fact that your mum would want you to be happy and to live your life, you will never ever forget her though and she will always hold a very special place in your heart. x

  • Hello again, I'm so very sorry to hear you lost your dear Mum. No words can help you with the devastation that you feel right now.

    I know it's not easy, I lost my Mum at Christmas, 3 years ago.

    Do you have siblings, friends or close relatives who understand your grief & who you could lean on for support?

    Your Dad will be feeling the same deep sorrow as you.

    Please believe me when I say it will help you to talk about your Mum.

    Laugh & cry about things she said or did.

    Go over the places you visited, the holidays you had, the happy & the sad times you spent with her.

    I wish you & your Dad all the best for the future & hope you can be there to support each other during this sad time.

    Come back & chat anytime if you feel you need someone to talk to.

    We're always here for you

    God bless 💐

  • I am so sad and so very sorry for you. Please be kind to yourself. The following link might help to Cruse Bereavment care - cruse.org.uk/home

    Lots of love to you xxx

  • I'm so sorry. Where you are now is such a difficult place and you wouldn't really expect to get your head around things for a while. Be with your Dad, hold his hand, share your grief and pain.

    I can't add to what's been said by coughalot and jessy, and I'm sure there will be lots more posts from others who understand. The pain you feel is in proportion to the love you've felt, and you're in pieces because you were so close and loved her so much. No-one can take that away from you, and you must have so many wonderful memories.

    Take things in tiny steps and do what feels right for you.

    I lost my mum - and dad- 25 years ago, and I still miss them. Especially my mum, but she's still with me.

    Come back and talk about it again.

    Much love, Sue

  • You only lost your mum 24 days ago so you are really hurting with the grief and trying to support your dear dad. Talking is good and counseling can help.

    I hope you have friends and others you can talk to and your dad needs support to from someone other than you. It is good you have each other though.

    Take things one day at a time and you will get through this. Your mum would want that l'm sure.

    Best wishes to you. Xxx

  • So very sorry for your loss. I love my mom about 3 years ago and I still miss her everyday. Time does not heal but it does get easier to live with it. Don't be ashamed to cry and talk about it, that does help. My mom was also my best friend we were always close. If there is anything I can do to support you though this please do not hesitate to ask.

  • So sorry for your loss I know what you are going through. I lost my mum 4 years ago last month. It will get better in time. She will always be with you in your thoughts. And you have a lot of good memories of your's and your dads time together. My dad still talks to my mum every day. My mums ashes were put in the garden at the church they attended witch is just across the road from were they live. We also put a planter in the garden with a plaque on it and we put different flowers in it through out the year. Take care xx

  • I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. I do know how devastating it feels as I had to be put on anti-depressants after my Mum died. I think when someone you love so deeply passes on all we can do is treasure our memories and be thankful for the time we shared.

    Everyone says that time can ease the rawness and eventually it won't seem so painful. You are blessed to be able to be a comfort for your Dad.

    If you talk about her it will help you both come to terms with her no longer being there physically.

    I am thinking of you , praying for strength and comfort through this difficult time for you both,love huff .

  • Dear looseyrach,

    There is so much really good advice in the replies, and I can't really add more, only to promise that you will learn to live with it. Your Mum will always occupy a huge part of your life, so talk to your Dad about her, comfort each other, and never forget both their bloods flow in your veins, and their loving care for you has made you what you are. It doesn't matter if you are not strong now, that will come. You are not alone in your grief. If it is sometimes easier for you to write then do just that, and keep in touch with us. We understand your heartache.

    Jennifer xx

  • Hi there. I was devastated when I lost my mum. I promise you, it will get easier. You will always miss her but the pain gets less intense. It's natural that your dad is full of sorrow too. It is hard to see someone suffering but things will gradually get easier for him too. What helped me keep going was the mundane routines. Just remember you are not alone. Sending you hugs.

  • I fully understand how you feel my mom had COPD she passed away 3 years ago she was cremated and has a name plate at the crematorium so birthdays, Christmas mothers days I can take her flowers. It is so peaceful at the crematorium and I don't know if this makes sense but now when I take her flowers I don't feel like I did when she first passed, they say time is a good healer take care we are always hear for you xx

  • I'm so sorry to hear of your loss Looseyrach. There is no easy way to face bereavement, especially losing one's Mum. However, the well worn cliché time does heal really works. I am sorry also to hear that your Dad is suffering so much. Losing your partner in life is a terrible experience. I hope in time you will both be able to look back on all the good things you both shared with your Mum.

    God bless.


  • Read your post with tears in my eyes. Your mum has a wonderful family. Be strong and remember her with all the love. I have IPF and take each day as it comes. Love Maggie

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