Facebook Gave Me My Thirteenth Grandchild

There are many who dislike it and refuse to contemplate signing up...others become slightly obsessed and check their friends status every five minutes...then there are the relatively rare, but still quite awful accounts of bullying which have driven some young people to suicide.

From a purely personal perspective Facebook has been a godsend...I belong to several diverse on-line forums and groups from Ancient Burial grounds to Quilting Quilts...connecting with people who have the same interests is pretty much a life-saver when one is virtually housebound...especially during the winter months.

My friends list is extremely small...most came from a blogging site we used which then closed down...there are two with whom I share cards for birthdays and Christmas with the occasional snail mail letter during the year...actually...come to think... those friends probably know me better than relatives do...especially Shane, who sent me a DVD for my birthday of the spread of the Black Death...exactly what I wanted, but something it'd never occur to a family member to get.

But where Facebook has really come into its own, is through connecting to family.

Remember our joint families have been estranged, either from us, or each other, or both, for many years.

I made a tentative approach to my eldest son last year through Facebook...although we are not yet back to the relationship we had before he married, at least we can make the occasional comment without coming to blows. Himself's youngest son is another family member we've both re-established contact with after twenty years...there again it was a wife who made it difficult, if not virtually impossible, to have a relationship...but she's run away with her Judo instructor...he's on his own and has no-one to answer to anymore.

Daughter-in-laws can be quite a problem...!

But the absolute icing on the cake...my daughter, who along with her twin brother, was snatched by their father when they were four years old, after which we had no contact at all until my daughter was sixteen...then she developed mental health problems along with anorexia...had two children by different fathers and was a victim of domestic abuse by one of those men. She simply dropped off the radar for the longest while...briefly reappearing every now and then...usually urgently needing cash.

Then...on Saturday last...I happened across her on Facebook...sent her a friend request...she responded. And she has a new baby! She's named her Bessie...I've put a photo on.

It's very early days of course...what I want to do is bombard her with love and questions...being sensible isn't always easy. Taking it slowly is difficult...

For us, Facebook has been a godsend.

Feck...can't put the photo on for some reason!

22 Replies

  • Great. So pleased for you. I am a Facebook voyeur. Rarely post just use to keep tabs on what my family: brother, nieces, nephews, and children; are up to. Grandchildren aren't old enough to do it yet... But when they do, oh boy, should they watch out! Granny's watching...

    K X

  • Just in time for Christmas Vashti. Hope everything works out well for you and your daughter.

    Babs x

  • Oh Vashti that's wonderful news. I do hope it works out. What an amazing Christmas present. Xxx

  • that's good news for you , I have had an on/ off relationship with my son for most of his life his mother is my ex wife I would see him a little while then she would stop me seeing him then start then stop , fun she always excepted the child maintenance into her bank account each fortnight she never put a stop to that . But I been able to see photos of him on facebook growing up she didn't know as her facebook wasnt locked to friends only , he is 16 now and sent me a friends request the other week and we have exchanged messages just see what happens now ,

  • Good news vashti. Life isn't always easy but here's to new love in your life and your families too. Xxx

  • FB has been a godsend for me. I moved to Hampshire in 2014. I can keep in touch with many friends in my old home + getting in touch with people I used to work with, years ago.

    I dont go away nowadays. Why should I because I have had a month's crusing holiday, taking in NZ, Australia, Singpore and then on to the US. At the same time I was visiting Dubai. Wonderful photos.

    Also my wonderful American family!!

  • Wonderful news. Take it slowly look forward to seeing the picture.

  • I am so happy for you Vashti, I can imagine your excitement. I enjoy Facebook, like you I belong to various quilt and embroidery groups, and I keep in touch with family and old friends. The Internet has been a godsend for me, I was a carer for many years and found it hard to have a social life but online I met people with similar interests and was able to find friendship. I even flew off to Houston one year (1999) and met up with a group of ladies I had met on line. We had a brilliant time! I wish you joy with your daughter and little Bessie. Sweet name. Xris

  • Vashti I can't imagine what it must be like to be separated from your children, no wonder you want to bombard your daughter with love. I do hope things work out well for you and all of your family. Know what you mean about daughter in laws though, I think mine is at that 'funny time' of life, I'm hoping she'll soon be through it and things will return to normal, but who knows.

  • Oh Vashti, my heart goes out to you. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to be separated from your children.

    You are a very brave lady getting on with your life & making the most of what you've got.

    I can now imagine your absolute joy & excitement to being back in touch with your daughter & new grandaughter.

    I'm hoping everything turns out well for you all.

    I don't have experience of daughters in laws! It's son in laws I have as I only have girls. Everyone one of them are fantastic & a great help to me.

    Looking forward to seeing your photo of wee Bessie. Hope you can meet her in the flesh very soon.

    Take care 💐

  • Hope everthing works out.

  • Reading all your previous hilarious posts no-one would ever think you have had heartache in your family. I imagine we are all similar in many respects, and having to clean old wounds which have been plastered over can be very painful. I wish you all the very best of happiness with your new granddaughter. She is a very lucky little girl.


  • Great news that's lovely to re-connect and to hear of a new baby. We can make what we will of Facebook. I personally love it. Those that wish to abuse It are sad people anyway and I for one cannot help them!

    I'm positive, look tfor the good, and live in the moment!

    Make the most of today.....and feck the rest!..........enjoy

  • I fully agree, I went to see my daughter after a 15 year gap,no real reason why we became estranged she kept in contact with my cousin so if there were any major problems I would of been told. I have 2 grandchildren 4 & 5. I know exactly what you mean I'm treading on eggshells it's a fine balance between looking like you don't care to trying to hard. If I ask a question I just wait for an answer, but then the doubts kick in again having to train myself to remember she's a busy lady. Good luck with your relationship with your sons and daughter may it grow and bloom and bring joy and happiness.

  • On Vashti I can identify with a lot of your story, my ex took my daughter at 9yrs old, though I did have contact, and very much still do, there is a big part of me that feels the guilt. We all have those skeletons in the cupboard I'm sure. I wish you all the very best with your daughter, and a beautiful new Grandaughter. xx

  • That's really good news Vashti. Although I am in regular contact with my three children, it's nice to know what they're doing.

  • Hi Vashti

    What fantastic news.

    I hope everything works out for you

    Velvet xx

  • Facebook giveth but it also taketh away. Take it slowly Vashti, situations that have been years in the making don't change overnight. I hope the contact blossoms into something mutually rewarding but as you know, that involves a long and rocky road.

  • Great news Vashti, I hope you can sort it all out with your Daughter. I know how you feel. My ex "kidnapped" my 2 eldest Daughters after we separated and I never even knew where they were for 8 years. Over the years my eldest has had spells of contact with me, but usually when she wants something. I haven't spoken to the other one since 1980. They are both very bitter about their childhood and won't even discuss it. I'm used to it now, so can't say that it bothers me anymore.

  • that's great news, I keep up with my kids posts, cos enjoy seeing the photos they post of grandkids, but don't post myself, just share. At the moment I'm speaking to them all :-) but I know what it is like not to be, so know how hard it can be. hope things go well. jan x

  • I hope your relationships continue to grow and a new baby is certainly a bond to be cherished. Many years ago when I was in my middle twenties my father left my mother and the circumstances of him leaving her still to this day make me angry, which lead to us being estranged for many years. We started having some contact again after the death of my youngest niece but I was never able to feel at ease with his new wife so contact was very limited. About five years ago he rang needing help as his wife had died suddenly (my mum passed away about 8 years ago). Now he is in a nursing home near us as he started to not look after himself very well and has got very forgetful and we lived about 5 hours drive away from him.

    I do have problems with holding my tongue sometimes but I realise that he needs me possibly more than I need him now and it's time to be together.



  • I can't tell you how happy I am for you both and your little Bessie, how wonderful, being a Gran is so great! I've recently signed up to face ache and it's good to be back in touch with people as I do tend to hide away down here in the woods and so I keep abreast of what is going on better now lol! sharing pictures and news, its not so bad 😀😉 💐🚼💓 xxx huff 😁🌠🙋

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