Hi my partners mum died 2yrs ago February coming from COPD my partner has always had a bed chest and was passing out coughing so hes been going to the gp and they have done tests and he had a letter Saturday saying that the tests confirm he has COPD and tha he needs to go to hospital next week for further tests it does not say what tests but he's gone into himself I have tried talking to him but he keeps saying I have seen what my own death is going to be like I don't know what to say or do I'm trying so hard not to cry it's getting harder and harder not to because he is my best friend and my soul mate I am trying to remain strong for him

15 Replies

  • I can't help because I don't have COPD, but there are plenty on this forum who do. They will tell you that well managed and with some lifestyle changes the prognosis these days can be good. Each year there are developments in medications. A lot can happen in two years. However, I can see that it is difficult to get through to you partner, and he is probably not ready to feel reassured. Many people here get help from the respiratory nurses. So try to gently persuade him to make an appointment. Will you be going with him next week? Some people value that; others prefer to go alone.

    All the best and let us know how things go for both of you.

    K xxx

  • I'm going with him I've told him I will b there every step of the way xx

  • Excellent advice. You sound like a respiratory nurse!!

  • Just stuff learnt on this site by patients!


  • Fudgy71, wonderful advice given by Katinka46 and others. Stay strong. Testing and trying times ahead but with a friend like you to make sure all the help that's availabe is given, your friend can have many years ahead .

  • Oh dear Fudgy how difficult everything is for you and your partner at the moment but all is most certainly not lost. As Katinka says medication is improving all the time and there is so much help out there but your partner has to go to the hospital first, have the tests done and take it from there. It is good that you can go with him as he may be a bit shell shocked with it all so a 2nd pair of ears is invaluable.

    Do let us know how things go and stay strong, calm and patient if you can.

    Wishing you well and sending good wishes to you both. xxxx

  • COPD is not a death sentence! It is unfortunate that your partner's mum had this horrid condition but there is a lot that can be done to ensure a good long life. An early diagnosis is great because that means changes can be made and the condition can be well managed. Get the diagnosis confirmed at the hospital after further testing and then they will be able to advise you on what medications and lifestyle changes can help to slow the disease. It is really important to stop smoking and to stay away from others that smoke, to follow a healthy diet, to take the medications prescribed and to take regular exercise. Good luck to you both.

  • Very true, once the hospital has tested him that's when a plan of action comes into force.

    It's not a death sentance so don't go googling all the sites, you will only be given the wrong info.


  • Hello. I have Emphysema the tests will be lung function, where they do several tests blowing into a machine, also maybe a CT scan and probably blood tests.

    Its very hard to get your head round your diagnosis especially as there aren't any tests results yet. But once he is a given medication you start to adapt your life, the others are right its better to come to us for advice or the helpline but never Google its rubbish. And remember everyone is different.

    Kim xxx

  • Aw what a shame for you both. I understand that feeling so well - I felt like I was DOOMED when I got my diagnosis 6 months ago. And so soon after his mother died too - must be terrifying. Seriously, DON'T google - you'll frighten yourselves even more with a load of rubbish. I've had a couple of appointments with a respiratory nurse who was incredibly sensible and kind - helps me plan some exercise, encouraged me to stop smoking, gain a little weight etc. All the people on here are brilliant too. I feel better, fitter, now, than I did 6 months ago!

    It's good that you are so supportive of your partner, but you have a difficult role. Your own terror and worry is not really being acknowledged at the moment but I'm sure your partner will appreciate you being there. best wishes xx piggi

  • Hello Fudgey & welcome to this amazing family. You have come to the right place. Its a really difficult time for you both & very scary. I have COPD, Heart Failure & AF. COPD was diagnosed 5 years ago. With medication, exercise, a good diet & lots of support. I am still within the mild group, my life has changed but we still enjoy travelling in our motor home. Visits to our grand children, who live in Kent, Southampton & Norway. It was not an easy journey but with lots of information from members, the help line, my GP. Respiratory Nurse, Consultant. BLF literature & my family I leaf a good life. Best wishes Nan

  • Hi Fudgey and welcome to the board.

    Everyone is scared when first diagnosed.

    Your partner also had the misfortune of losing his mum to it too, which is doubly frightening.

    The thing is though, he has years on his mum, both age wise and medical advancement wise.

    The treatments are getting better all the time and more importantly, they now know that keeping active from the start, is vital. Facts like this were not so widely known until recent years.

    Once he gets his results, he'll start coming to terms with the diagnosis and you'll both realise, when you read through the posts on here, that all is not lost. People can have normal life spans with COPD, it's all about good management, good diet and keeping active. xx

  • Hello I joined the site just a month ago and I have my copd 13 years. I am 56 and I don't smoke. I lost my grandfather and an aunt to copd. My mother who is 74 also is a sufferer and she has heart trouble too. She had her first heart attack at just 36 and has copd about 35 years now. She has been my inspiration through my illness and I worked until just 4 years ago. As many will tell you it's all about keeping in control of everything yourself, don't push too hard and if one medication does not work for you see you're doctor. I do hope you have a nice one I don't lol. Try not too see the dark side just adjust you're life and take it one day at a time. I always think there are people suffering worse than I when I get down and I always bounce back, I have to. Both of you take care x

  • Hi, Fudgey. I cared for my previous husband Bob through some 15 years of his COPD and heart failure. He died in 2003. In those days there wasn't the positive support from the GP to exercise and stay well. Bob continued to smoke, stayed at home and did very little exercise and became very disabled. I now have a moderate COPD diagnosis, probably in part caused by passive smoking (I gave up smoking in 1985). But I've learnt from this site that if I keep positive, keep active, and keep away from infections, smoke and petrol fumes, I can lessen the amount my condition affects my everyday life and keep the end stages away for a very long time - maybe for the rest of my life.

  • Thanks everyone we already know most of the stuff like diet exercise smoking which he's still doing from when his mum was diagnosed he's 41 now he's active he's out 3 times a day with our dogs he rides his bike a few miles twice a week we are always out here there and everywhere for about 13yrs he's had a cough that I as a asthmatic knew wasn't right but refused to go on using his inhaler that would last him a week and then he would use mine and then ask family and friends if they had spares his mum was diagnosed 7yrs before she died she gave up smoking same day I'm hoping he will soon

You may also like...