Looking for strength! Not finding it in myself. I have been dealing with this SOB for almost a year. I have a pretty massive amount of air in my lungs, yes RV over 300%! But normal FEV1, wonder how long that will last. I asked for a CT scan, and I hope to get tomorrow or Thursday. Just need to see if anything shows up. Not that it matters, but I will have more piece of mind. I just take a few steps and I get SOB, especially stairs or even a small incline and this is just in the past couple weeks, but the worsening began a week or so prior.
The hardest part is I was very active and hardly smoked, but here I am. I can't get over how I put myself in this position and I am only 43! While I may be mild, I have to deal with this now much longer and not sure if I can. I see many of you who have it much worse than I, an I wonder at what point I reach that stage. It is hard not to think about! In theory, I should not be so symptomatic, but I am and I think why, these should be the "good times" but they are anything but. I draw strength from stories I read on here, but I know it's no walk in the park and of course would rather not be on here at all, but I have nowhere to turn.
My Pulm not very impressed. My PCP who I saw yesterday, thinks Asthma, I had to point out the massive amount of air in my lungs and my constant symptoms, he still went by my FEV1. I realize I have more knowledge than him at this point, which is expected. My hope is that AAT is negative and CT shows nothing. Both portend a better outcome from what I have read. Then that puts me as very unlucky I guess. Well either way I am. Yes, I made choices and have to live with them. That is tough.
What is also tough is that I was married when this began. My wife never quite believed me. We divorced about a month ago. So now I have no help, just me. I emailed here today, she said I was making it up. I sent her the PFT's. Then she emails me back and apologizes, but says not to inform her anymore about what I am going through. Not that I should anymore. But still makes it tough and increases my feeling disconnected!
So I could use some reinforcement right now! Not looking for medical advice. I know all is not well, and I hope to have all of the damn tests done and then Ill just try my best to accept my lot in life. Not sure how I will do that. And yes, I Skype with a Psychologist and have been long before this began, but even then it quickly wears off. I have anxiety meds now, but I don't want to take. Just feel like I am masking my pain.
Any thoughts or pick me ups appreciated! Whatever age, whatever stage! I have a crap outlook and that does not help me. I realize this but it's tough. Been quite a year. Not that I am alone, people have terrible things happen everyday! But when it's you it is hard to think about that. I just picture crap quality of life, loneliness and it is hard to accept!
I am off to struggle up some hills!