advice needed please

my mum had a pacemaker fitted as heart was all over the place. they pierced her lung. she's been on oxygen but now has copd. my dad is having to do everything g for her and he is up with her most nights from 1am till 6am as she can't breathe. she is on 3 types of puffers or nebulisers but these aren't helping her much. when she talks she has a rattle which makes her raspy sounding, she isn't eating very much and has gone off tea just sipping water all the while. she's very frail and can't walk very well (has been like this for a fewyears) really need advice as to is this normal should I seek second opinion as hospital reluctant to say what she is suffering with if she is seriously ill etc. she was in hospital for 3 weeks been out two now but some days she's had to go back as so.ill and been sent home same day. so infuriating.

16 Replies

Hi, it sounds a most distressing state of affairs for you all. You don't say how old your mother and father are? Is it possible that your father knows what is the matter with your mother and is trying to protect you? Obviously, I am only guessing here. But I would certainly want more definitive answers!! Either from the hospital or from your mother's GP.

Are you taking any legal steps, in view of the botched procedure and is that why they have "clammed up"!?

It is difficult to determine from your post, perhaps if you could speak with her consultant?

What has been the response, if any, from the hospital?

It sounds like an horrendous situation for you all. I would ask, nay, demand answers from your mother's consultant. Threaten them with the General Medical Council....Anything! But don't be fobbed off! Good Luck.

Kind regards-Dave.

thank you. mum is 75 dad 77. I do I'm being fobbed off by the hospital as they won't say much at all.

Oh bless, i cant believe they have been left to cope alone at that age when they are both ill.

The gp needs to come out and assess the situation they are his responsibility when they are home out of hospital you must be so worried.

Give them a call hun x

What ever is going on it sounds like you all need some support so i would be on the phone to my gp in that situation, perhaps your mam and dad could do with some help

You could always ring the blf nurses they may be able to offer some advice

03000 030 555

thank you x

Don't forget..if we can offer any support or advice to your only have to ask. Take care-Dave.

Sorry to hear of your problems with your Mum.

Before she was discharged from hospital, she would have been asked if she needed help at home. They would then have arranged for any amount of various services available at home.

Where do you live? I'm in Scotland & the care is excellent.

I would phone your Mum's GP & see if you can get advice on her situation. This can't be good for your Dad's health either.

It all depends if your Mum has given the doc or hospital permission to speak to you about her condition. If they don't have that, they won't tell you anything.

Hope things get better for you all 🌸

Very distressing for you and your dad and I really hope you can get some much deserved help and respite care for your dear mum. You have had some good replies so I just want to send good wishes to you all. xxx

thank you. just spoke with lung nurses. lots of options .... passed it on to dad but very dismissive that he can cope. too proud to accept help

Lots of Dads are like that. IGNORE it, and do what you can for both of them. Good luck :)

they live in the Midlands. I think the problem is my dad's too proud.

This is a very difficult situation for you, we had the same problem with my partner's parents Dad was caring for Mum for years and wouldn't take a break not even when their daughter and I said we would stay with Mum. You have to explain that he needs a real break from the caring otherwise he will make himself I'll and be unable to do it. When that happens it is like,y that they will both be put in hospital or a home and don't want to be there. I also had the same problem with my Uncle and Aunt and the same thing happened - husband (carer) died first and Mum spent years in hospital/home. I know it will be difficult to get them to accept help but maybe if they realise that if anything bad happened to Dad things would just be taken out of their hands. It is so much better that they accept help and are then able to spend quality time together.

Sounds like you would have a case against the hospital. Although I don't agree with suing a hospital - goodness knows they are short of money but just getting an inquiry into your Mum's case would help. Tell your Dad you are thinking about doing this and he may open up about your Mum's condition if he is keeping things from you. If you do go down this route because the hospital have been negligent then be aware that you need to do this within a certain amount of time. Contact solicitors who offer no win no fee services and enquirer about insurance against court costs. Although no win no fee means you don't pay the solicitor you may have to lay court costs if it comes to that. First off though I would make an appointment to see you Mum's GP to see if he can help you at all. Just remember that if you write to the hospital they will generally tell you that you do not have a case but this is not generally so get the information together and seek advice - maybe in the first instance from the Citizens advice bureau to save paying for a solicitor.

Hope you can get through this. I know how hard all this is.

Love and hugs



Any possibility of you persuading your dad to take a look on this forum? I'm just wondering if he may be a little more inclined to accept help if he realised that sometimes 'help' comes from just talking and listening to others. If his pride stops him from accepting help he probably isn't talking to anyone about how things 'really are' either. Perhaps if he could see what others are writing about their difficulties he might eventually feel more comfortable with the thought of asking about some sort of help.

So sorry for what you are going through. My mum had cancer of the gulet. It was diagnosed to late but the hospital were putting in place a care plan for her but sadley she died two days after she was sent home. Members of my family were seen by the consultant and we were told what the problem was and what they were going to do. You should ask to have a meeting withe the consultant I live in Scotland.

sorry to hear that. that's so sad. I will find out I'm determined to

You could contact PALS (Patient Liaison Service) at the hospital first of all and express your concerns. Then you could write a formal letter of complaint if the response to the PALS enquiry didn't help. These cost nothing and would be the first stages of a formal complaints procedure, if you chose to take things further later. There are time limits, so if you're thinking of taking things further it would be a good idea to get started now.

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