Rosie, dear Rosie, if you had given up for two years, what in Heaven's name possessed you to start again? I am not being holier than thou, or hyper-critical, I am at a loss to see where you are going now. Everyone who smokes has a really bad addiction to the dreaded weed! It goes with the territory...smokers are addicts!
Quitting smoking after 40 years was the hardest thing I have ever done, so when I quit, I knew it was N.O.P.E. (Not one puff ever) from then on. One day as I was fighting a huge crave to smoke, I put a cigarette in my mouth and held my lighter in my hand. I stood that way for about half an hour, with tears flowing down my face, as I did not want to lose my quit. I knew if I gave in I would never ever stop smoking. I made it to the kitchen, and ran water on the cigarette as I crushed it in my hand.That was a very defining moment.
Rosie, I understand you, and your addiction.
Good luck with your echocardiogram.
Love Lolly. x