There Are Good Days...And Not So Good Days

You can't really make plans with COPD sitting on your chest...it's hopeless to decide that tomorrow we'll go off to the ocean for instance, 'cos tomorrow arrives bright and early and I feel like a grubby dish rag...getting to the bathroom is like trudging through treacle and all I really want to do is sleep...preferably for the entire day...

I stick my finger into the oxymeter and recoil in horror when the stats are so low I must surely be dead and haven't realised it yet...sit down cautiously and eat a bowl of cornflakes carefully...do a bit of pursed mouth breathing and by lunchtime I'm grand again...slinging open the front door to greet the postie...not a bother on me.

It doesn't last.

By mid-afternoon on those sort of days, I'm totally knackered and can hardly keep my eyes open...longing for bed but determined not to give in. Do the oxymeter again and my pulse is racing so I decide it isn't working properly and shove it back in the drawer...

Himself says I look 'a bit grey' so I stagger to the bathroom to look in the mirror and it's such a scary sight my pulse drops back to normal out of sheer fright...while I'm there I put a bit of make-up on...leaning against the window-sill to stop from falling over, with cannulas up my nose and glasses on my face, slapping a dollop of Max Factor Eight Hour foundation on is a hazardous business...forget eyeliner and mascara...jabbing the mascara wand into the corner of an eye is asking for trouble...eyeliner carefully applied, or so I happily imagine, makes me look like a drag queen when I put my specs back on...

So I re-emerge and ask Himself if there's been any kind of improvement...and he answers that I just look a bit tired and would I like a cup of tea...

Feeling this way might last for just one day...sometimes it's for two...then all changes again and although I doubt I'll ever be full of vim and vigour again, at least I can write and read my latest book...walk round the garden centre, so long as I have a trolley to lean on...dead head the pansies and wish all manner of ill-will on the slugs that have nibbled their little faces...I can root about on ancestral trees and look up occupations I'm uncertain of...do a few more rows of the blanket I'm making.

Those better days do last longer than the bad ones...for that I'm grateful...but I'd like to know in advance when the bad days are coming.

14 Replies

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  • You are amazing, I was there by your side looking over your shoulder whilst you applied the make up hoping it would make you feel better, I was willing you to find strength to enjoy your activities, you know yourself very well,and by the afternoon you felt stronger,and was determined to enjoy the rest of the day.

  • ....and there was I thinking I was the only one to feel like that some days! How arrogant am I ? Lol :-D

  • Good morning Vashti, Do hope your" good" days will increase, interesting you mentioned walking thru treacle, my husband always said walking was as if he was wearing wellingtons filled with mud,, Hope your weekend goes well, Regards, Bulpit

  • Up to the usual high standard , I am the same, but I don't have to drag the oxygen round. Your inner strength shines through. The fact that you can see beyond your illness and share your experiences with us is great. Hope you have a nice weekend.

  • I always take a while to get going in the morning, would love to wake up raring to go!

    thank goodness I don't have to get myself to a job. Watched the last part of Britain's Greatest Generation - brought back many memories for us oldies. some very lucky older folks able to run in their nineties! Well, almost run! Life is hard coping with a chronic condition, you cope so well Vashti, I look better in some mirrors than others, and as for the hair, never does what I want it to. and then someone will say, 'No, you're not 81, you don' t look it' and even though I know I do my spirits are lifted.

    Love Iris x

  • I know what you mean ,can't plan a thing . I have had to cancel things last minute ,lost a lot of money on booking holiday and are unable to go .Its better to be safe . Just enjoy the good days and make the most of them .xxx

  • How very descriptive and made very interesting reading. You can even make a bad day sound a little bit amusing. Pete can be like that too although he does not use oxygen and doesn't wear mascara or eye liner, not when I last looked anyway, yet he does seem to sleep an awful lot on some days which is fine by me. I keep myself busy but may not see our grandson for a while as he has been exposed to chicken pox which is a no, no for Pete. Oh dear!

    You have a good day, xxxx

  • I know just what you mean. It is waking up and thinking today will be a good day and you cannot muster the energy needed to do even the things you have to. I have always had a pasty face so no one can guess how I feel from their first look. I have not tried make up! (Which is not entirely true I did get my future wife to make me up like the main guy in "Clockwork Orange" and then went to the chip shop. To get the people behind the counter nudging each other to have a shifty look :) )

    Be Well

  • BUT YOU HAVEN'T LOST YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR!!!!!!!! well done you.

    Many of us can identify with this and the only answer is NOT TODAY THEN !

    will postpone till later and stay in and do some light exercise just to prove you can!

    Thanks for the laugh.

  • Identify with nearly all of it Vashti, well done you for putting make up on! I gave that up when my eyes got to bad to see what i was doing, though i do have a spray tan occasionally. xx

  • I know 😟 just how you feel! After dragging myself to the shops yesterday I feel completely done in 😥😕 But Max is now sleeping, the smell of chili is wafting through the house, the racing is on for the big fella and I have trays of seedlings that need attention 😮 😃 hope your day is one of the better ones, hugs huff xxxx💜🌻🌼💙

  • Although I am not on oxygen and my COPD is mild, I have Meniere's Disease. This has been known to rear it's ugly head at the most inconvenient times. The proper vertigo hasn't happened for a while, but I do have dizzy turns and feel very sick. My hearing in the right ear is going rapidly and the tinnitus gets louder and louder.

    I do get attacks of breathlessness when the air is polluted, also at this time of year due to pollen and grass. The seaside is best for me as the air is clearer there. I got a pain in my chest and palpitations three times. When I sat down, the symptoms eased. Luckily I was free of any dizziness today. Had a bad day yesterday.

  • Try to avoid salt as this helps with the tiintus also if you have music softly playing in the background it helps to mask it.Good luck as menieres is evil

  • Nice one Vashi,

    Saturday morning work up feeling grotty, had a coffee feeling grotty, had a wash and got dressed feeling grotty, staggered round the supermarket on hubby's arm feeling more than grotty. On our way home put the radio on and Bill Whithers came on singing 'Lovely Day' cheered me up no end. Went to my granddaughters birthday party later and stayed up later than her (the birthday girl was 4), her and her brother lasted until 10pm. Its the first time in a year that I managed to stay at family do later than about 9.30. So I am going to down load that song onto my phone and play it every time I feel a bit down, you never know this could be my lucky song.

    Cheers everybody

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