Being Silly Perhaps?

Of course going out for a whole two hours to the garden centre comes with its own price to pay...being totally knackered the day after...!

Though I do confess to getting up earlier than I used the depths of the winter it'd be half past ten when I opened my eyes and shuddered at the thought of another day of grey skies and general I'm all sort of bright eyed and bushy tailed by eight in the morning...practically leaping off the settee and shouting Hallelujah...bring on the day...

But going out has me beat you know...and I'm slowly coming around to understanding's plain nerves.

I get panicky at the thought of going out because I'm worried about not being able to breathe...which is plain daft. It's daft because there are loads of times I can't breathe when I'm at home and that is just an annoyance...I do the slow breath out with pursed lips and five minutes later it's all ok heavens knows why I get all hot and bothered about going out...

And I cannot cope with crowded places anymore...the more people there are about, the more I just want to go home...mind you, I've never been happy in crowded places so perhaps it's just worse now I have my oxygen on my back...or maybe it's one of the side effects of COPD...or perhaps it's just me being peculiar...

Do you think your personality changes with having an illness like COPD...does it really have such an effect on day to day living...I mean, apart from the obvious breathing problems...

I like going out you see...I love the countryside around our home and at this time of the year it's nothing short of magical...but it makes me overly tired the next day and surely to goodness that can't all be down to suffering from 'nerves'...

It feels as though I'm not the same person as I was...that's obvious of course, but in my head I don't feel quite as focused or passionate as I used to...

Answers on a postcard please...

19 Replies

  • Vashti, I feel the same as you but probably for slightly different reasons. I love my new bungalow which i have been in for nearly a year. I dont mind going out for the day but do like my bed. Stayed at daughter's home over Easter. Very steep stairs + 3 steps into the bathroom. Daughter's family are obsessed with health, exercise, diet to an obsession. So where does that leave me!! Scuttle home to have a glass of wine and mini pretzels. I will go out but on my buggy. I have exciting memories of London many moons ago but NO more. Think this lot will fit on to a pc. xx

  • Hi Vashti, I feel as if you have got inside my head!

  • Vashti, I was thinking of you this afternoon and chuckling to myself! We visited Homebase to buy loo seats of all things, anyway I got far too out of breath to carry on and asked a security chap if there were any seats I could use. LOL yes there was one an unused till position! and they gave it to me! Once I had regained my breath I could see the funny side, I even had to turn away one gentleman with a trolley load of plants to purchase!

  • Haha! I can picture the scene. 😄

  • When husband goes to Homebase, he's got it all organised - walk as far as lounge furniture, sit down - walk as far as garden furniture, sit - then repeat to get back out again 😄😄. That's when I pretend I'm not with him lol

    Jan x

  • LOL sensible man he hasn't shown you up completely by sitting at the checkout! :) Xris x

  • Not yet - but don't hold your breath lol 😀 xx

  • Excellent! It's all in the planning. 😃

  • I find with me it's to do with being too hot in crowded places where I feel I can't breathe properly. Also getting older my hearing is a lot more sensitive and too much noise like in crowds jangles on my nerves. x

  • Oh I know exactly what you mean and to be honest this site has helped so much. x

  • Just read previous comments and laughed out load.

  • My post card reads.........yes very similar keep people out my way,they tend to get to close if I'm walking along ,my balance is woblyier? I thought the oxy ,oh no I can imagine it only helps for breathing ,not phycological things ect. Like Copd presents itself sometimes !!!lol. I'm a nervous wreck ,I never go out to eat,'s me !! Although I will send everything back ,never eat a thing,,oh dear,never again.avoid it! I don't go out with other people or they want to tel.111. Stay out the way. AnywAy I hope now you do not feel so alone, there are still some nutty people about!!x

  • Morning Vashti, Sorry you felt knackered after you had enjoyed your trip to the Garden Centre, at least you can sit in your garden and enjoy nature, as for your not feeling as passionate as you once did, it certainly doesn't show up in your writings. Living on oxygen is so very hard,but, thank goodness it is available, a life saver, Take care, very best wishes to you both, Bulpit

  • Oh Vashti i could have written that myself, i so agree. what is it we are scared of? I am planning a little trip out on my scooter today, 1st time in ages, and so nervous, yet excited at the same time! Xx

  • Hi Vashti.

    I'm sorry you feel the way you do when you're out, I don't know if it was your intention but your message has created some quite amusing replies. I used to get scared of going out not because I couldn't breath ( I can't) but because people might think me odd, huffing and puffing along (I was quite shy about my breathing problems even though I've had them (in a milder form) all my life and I'm now in my sixties. I don't think my mum helped, when I was young she referred to my gasping for breath as "having a cold". My daughter (she's 35) said to me recently, whilst we were out, "why don't you ever see other people like YOU out and about"? It's true, you seldom do. My reply was, they probably don't feel well enough to go out, are embarrassed as to what people might think of them or have nobody to go out with. I think the more you go out the better you'll feel. I don't use oxygen (except on a flight but that's another story) but I'm sure using it will keep you stable whilst out, plan your route and enjoy your beautiful surroundings even if it is only to the end of the road and back. Enjoy your garden, I don't know what I'd do without mine, I don't go out as often as I should I live alone but when I'm in the garden I get a smile on my face, think I would have given up if I didn't have it. It's true, when the sun is shinning when I open my eyes in the morning I want to get up even if it is 6/7 and a few weeks back I too was still crawling about at 10/11. So Vashti, when you leap out of bed at the crack of dawn, ( or maybe crawl, huffing and puffing). Chuck that oxygen back-pack on and head to the hills, well, to the end of the road and back. Seriously, whatever you can manage to do enjoy it and have a nice day. I suppose now I need to attempt to practise what I'm preaching! x 😊

  • It comes with the territory. Confidance is kicked away as we get older. I'm feeling parts of that myself. Never mind just do what we can handle and be grateful. AlwYs some one less fortunate than us. The good thing is you see the most wonderful sights around you and you have the gift to share.

    I'm a only daughter and have three brothers and I'm so grateful when we were Young my eldest brother would be given an apple to share with us.........well precision exact precision and sweat on his brow to make sure that apple was divided equally into four parts. The youngest got first choice! It was a excellent lesson on sharing. I today

    Share. Audrey Jersey.

  • That quiet, mature confidence that everyone told you came with mature years just does not happen! Any part of it that you can salvage gets blown away with being diagnosed and however much you try to dismiss being unwell is never a reality.

    Crowded places feel quite overwhelming, noise that you have no control over is unnerving. The only way to cope with it is to try to avoid these things, and then you are left with the feeling that it's a cop out on your part.

    So you go through the motions of a fairly normal life, knowing, really that it isn't, it takes all the energy out of you. Those who actually can live on a slighly higher plane than that are to be admired.

    I bake, make jam when I can, plant seeds and hope to put the plants in the ground when the time comes, clean, after a fashion and generally try to do what I have always done, but like you, Vashti, there is often no fire behind it. Such a terrible waste it seems, yet what else would you do?

    And then, comes a sunny morning, with birds chirping, little clouds of gnats, the smell of warm grass, and for a brief spell, all is well, and so am I! Mother Nature's little gift of encouragement to carry on with things. Let us hope for lots of little blessings like this.

    This is a Jumbo postcard, excess postage due.

  • Know exactly what you mean. Full of the joys of Spring I agreed to go to the Thame Show - we went early to avoid the crowds and I took my folding stood. But, oh my, have I suffered since - was it worth it? Yes.

  • You know, Vashti, I stopped writing postcards, the ink makes me cough!

    I used to be desperately short of breath. So I decided to started exercises and take it really step by step. I know tow step ahead, one backward! (Hey, that's an exercise too!)

    It's a bit like writing postcards. Writing a postcard belongs to the dictionary (!), because this is not just a manual quill exercise. it's a whole project. First, you have to meditate on it/ What sort of mood do you think the other person feels, and you what do you feel about postcards. I don't like the silly ones, but I do have to adapt to the person, so the mood matches the card to the person. Will it be scented? I love ladies' card because of their own particular perfume which transpire in the paper. Can I ask the shop assistant to scent the card I buy from her? Then you have to find this little gem. This is like a search from a museum piece amongst the ordinary pile of wedding anniversaries, daughter's birth of the 5th baby, Auntie Roberta's recipe for this Irish stew. There it is, a beautiful, landscapy painting of the typical 19th century cottage, charming with wisteria around teh door and a robin right on the side ready to sing before flitting away, frightened by the arrival of the cat of the house.

    You know, that card is far too beautiful to be sent. So I'll keep it to myself! That's why I don't really write postcards! Mic

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