British Lung Foundation
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A few for the weekend

The Unreasonable Mother-in-law

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a

Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's when the fight started....


The Unreasonable Wife

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

___________ ____________________

The Humourless Wife

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started....

____________ ____________________

The Misinformed Wife

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and

she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at

a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we

split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My World!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that


And that's when the fight started....

_________ _______________________

The Dangerous Wife

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me

that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to

take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer... Always something

more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her


When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,

busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched

silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only

a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said,

"When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

____________ _______________

6 Replies

very funny!


very good lol and a lovely way to start the day xx


Great, thanks


Brilliant jokes x


Brilliant! Xx


Very funny


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