found on NHS medical,records

[1] By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart beat had stopped, and he was feeling better. :)

[2] On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it had completely disappeared :)

[3] She had no rigors or shaking chills, buy her husband states , she was very hot in bed last night :D

[4] The patient has been depressed ever since seeing me in 1983 :)

[5] Patient was released from outpatient department without dressing. :)

[6] The patient was crying constantly. she also appears to be depressed. :)

[7] Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male , mentally alert , but forgetful :)

[8] The patient refused an autopsy :)

[9] The patient had no past history of suicide. :)

10] The patient expired on the floor uneventfully :)

[11] She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions, in early december . :)

[12] The patient experienced sudden onset of shortness of breath with a picture of pulmonary oedema at home while having sex in the emergency room :D

[13] Between you and me , we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant :)

[14] While in the ER , she was examined , x-rated and sent home :)

[15] Occasional , constant, infrequent headaches. :)

[16] Patient was alert and unresponsive. :)

[17] When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room :)

[18] Discharge status; Alive but without permission :)

[19] The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get the doctor to dispose of him :)

[20] Since she cant get pregnant with her husband, i thought you would like to work her up. :)


My 92 year old grandmother was complaining that she had been on the NHS waiting list for over a year!!. i agreed this was completely unacceptable, especially for a woman of that age.

But i said to her,,,,,

"Gran, could you not just live without bigger boobs ? " :D


23 Replies

  • those Jimmy. Thank you for that. I hope you're keeping well. xxx

  • hi jolyn, its the best i could do untill i think of a better one :D :D its always a wee laugh anyway :)

    im keeping ok, i hope you are jolyn

    kindest thoughts jimmy xxx :)

  • fantastic - 8/ 9/ and 10/ really made me laugh out loud :)

  • hi eyes, strangely enough these were the same ones that made me smile :D we must have a similar sense of humour :D

    hope your keeping well pat, thinking of you,

    kindest thoughts jimmy xxx :)

  • So funny Jimmy! Good to see you back in form again. Sara xxxx

  • ah sara,:) nice to see you online , hope things are improving for you,

    its the best i could dig up for the moment lol :D

    hope to continue to get in better form :D

    lots of love jimmy xxx :)

  • had a good laugh ended in a coughing fit

    keep em coming


  • thanks jo jo,

    there are some comical remarks :D

    best regards jo jo,, jimmy xxx :)

  • Brilliant :d :) x

  • thanks cough, hope you enjoyed your chinese :D lol and having a good birthday ,:) oops tomorrow :D

    kindest thoughts jimmy xxx :)

  • Thank you Jimmy I will :d Not had chinese though - that was lovelight! :) x

  • I'm falling about laughing. xxx

  • thanks m/c/o all the very best best regards jimmy xxx :)

    sorry for late reply, i was at that very hospital monday :D :D

  • Great stuff Jimmy. I find things like this all the time on t.v and in books and newspapers. People just do not think before they write! Very funny. XX

  • thanks nikky best regards [still cant get over your one :D ] jimmy xxx :)

  • No. 4 is the winner for me - so true! Hilarious!

  • thanks lyd , think that one was true of me and my doctor :D [ he said i was the happiest depressive hes ever seen ? :D :D ]

    take care lyd,, jimmy xxxx :)

  • Patient was alert and unresponsive. classic :D

  • ha ha,, crazy but funny :D ,, hope things improve offcut,, jimmy :)

  • lol had me chuckling and laughing - needed that today - thank you - take care xxx

  • thanks undine, glad it helped you today,,

    take care now, regards jimmy xxx :)

  • Just found this jimmy and nearly choked on my coffee laughing..................brilliant

    Hope your well x

  • aye mandy, some comical remarks :D

    talking about choking over your coffee, i'm drinking a cup of tea just now, i left the teaspoon in the cup :D poked it right up my snout :D ,, now i could have lost that teaspoon,, with the size of my nose :D

    you take care mandy

    lots of love jimmy xxx :)

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