British Lung Foundation

divorcee annoys

A judge is questioning a woman over her pending separation.

,,,And the grounds for your divorce madam?

"Oooh" , she replies, "about four acres with a small stream running by,,,, "

"No" says the judge "i mean what is the foundation of this case ? "

"Oh right. " the woman continues, "well its mainly concrete, brick, and mortar ...."

"No, no " the judge reiterates, "what are your relations like ? "

"i have an aunt and an uncle living here in the town" smiles the woman "and my husbands parents aren't far from us either"

"Dear god" pleads the judge. "lets try this as simple as we can. ,,"Do you have a grudge ? " :)

"Oh no" says the woman, "we have a huge driveway -we've never needed one to be honest"

"Is there any infidelity in your marriage asks the judge ? " now getting a wee bitty annoyed.

"Both my son and daughter have stereo sets" explains the woman, "their always blaring out music"

"Madam" asks the judge, sick to the back teeth by now!! "does your husband ever beat you ?"

"Occasionally" she replies, "about twice a week he gets up about 20 minutes before me"

Thats it !!! screams the, now irate judge,,,,

"why do you want a divorce ? "

"Oh, i don't want a divorce," she replies, still smiling away,,,,,

"My husband does" - - he says he cant communicate with me!! " :D

jimmy xxx :D

39 Replies
oldestnewest

Good joke Jimmy thank you xx

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thank you cough lots of love jimmy :D xxxx

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Full lyrics

Author/Artist/Singer:Napoleon The 14th

Music Title/Track:Theyre Coming To Take Me Away

Remember when you ran away

And I got on my knees and begged you

Not to leave because I'd go berserk?

WELL,

You left me anyhow and

Then the days got worse and worse

And now you see I've gone completely

out of my mind,

AND

[chorus 1]

They're coming to take me away,

Haha, they're coming to take me away,

Ho ho, hee hee, ha ha,

To the funny farm

Where Life is Beautiful all the time

And I'll be happy to see

Those Nice Young Men

In their Clean White Coats

And they're coming to take me AWAY,

HA HAAAAA

You thought it was a joke,

and so you LAUGHED, YOU LAUGHED

When I had said that losing you

Would make me flip my lid,

RIGHT?

You know you laughed.

I HEARD you laugh, you laughed

You laughed and laughed

And then you left,

But now you know I'm Utterly Mad

AND

[chorus 2]

They're coming to take me away,

Haha, they're coming to take me away,

Ho ho, hee hee, ha ha,

To the Happy Home with Trees and Flowers

And Chirping Birds and basket weavers

Who sit and smile and

Twiddle their thumbs and toes

And they're coming to Take me Away,

HAHAAAAAAAAA

I cooked your food,

I cleaned your house,

And this is how you pay me back

For all my kind unselfish loving deeds

HUH?

Well, you just wait,

They'll find you yet,

And when they do, they'll put you in

the ASPCA, you mangy MUTT

1 like
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:D :D :D :D

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Funny!! Good to have you back Jimmy xx

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thanks xris, at least im making a start lol love jimmy xxx :)

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Falling about....lol. Nice to have you back Jimmy xx

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hi jolyn , be careful now :D its nice to be back jolyn

many thanks, love jimmy xxx :)

1 like
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Good one Jimmy, thanks for that. Its always good to have a laugh, and I will keep that one. lol

hugs from Huggs xxxx :)

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thanks huggs , im coming round [the mountains :D ] now

hugs to huggs from jimmy xxx :)

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Very funny -Back on form jimmie. Good your back. Love mx

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hope things are well with you mx , a wee smile always helps, lots of love jimmy xxx :)

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OMG it is my sister in law. :-(

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had to laugh at that one rib, :D all the very best jimmy :)

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Nice one jimmy, even I'd divorce her lol. Hope ur doing ok/better. Take care ❤️ Xx Sonia xx

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ha ha , getting there sonia, one step forward , one step back :D , hope you are well love jimmy xxx :)

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So good to see you are back on top form. That's a good one. Hope you and your mom are ok. xxx

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hi m/c/o yes the old mum getting better each day, .. me ?D well looking forward to spring , hope things are ok with you love jimmy xxx :)

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Very funny,nice start to the day Jimmy x

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thanks biker,:) i think the humour page keeps us all going at times lol :) best regards jimmy xxx :)

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Good to see you back,Jimmy and in such good form! Thanks for that.

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hi nanny, hope you are well, i'm getting there each day now thanks, regards jimmy xxx :)

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Lovely to have you back Jimmy.........you just be careful.

J.

PS....nice one.

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thanks budgies mom ,, will do thanks :)

you take care now, best regards jimmy xxx :)

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love it

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thanks off cut, hope your braving this cold weather :)

regards jimmy :)

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Weather winning :(

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That's a good one Jimmy! Xx

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thanks kininmonth, , its always a wee laugh lol :)

best regards jimmy xxx :)

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That's a good one Jimmy! Xx

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oh :D got two for the price of one lol :D ,, many thanks K. xx

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Great one Jimmy,good to see you're getting on top of it,keep well my friend xxxx

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oh a big thanks to you wendells , hope you are well,

lovely to hear from you , best regards jimmy xxx :)

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Hahaha! Loved it Jimmy, so glad you are feeling better Yipee! Im sick in bed at the mo, so jokes Im loving!! Huff xxxxx

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so sorry huffer, missed your post , hope your feeling better by now, glad you had a laugh :)

best regards jimmy xxx :)

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Good laugh Jimmy - and clean! Nice to see you chirpy, take care now.

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hi d/mum, getting there slow but sure, many thanks, you take care now, very cold tonight,, warmest thoughts jimmy xxx :)

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Nice to see you back...missed your cheery banter....keep well.

Peg xx

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nice to see you pegbi, thanks for the kind words, keep well and keep warm peg , best regards jimmy xxx :)

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