divorcee annoys : A judge is... - Lung Conditions C...

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divorcee annoys

jimmyw123 profile image
39 Replies

A judge is questioning a woman over her pending separation.

,,,And the grounds for your divorce madam?

"Oooh" , she replies, "about four acres with a small stream running by,,,, "

"No" says the judge "i mean what is the foundation of this case ? "

"Oh right. " the woman continues, "well its mainly concrete, brick, and mortar ...."

"No, no " the judge reiterates, "what are your relations like ? "

"i have an aunt and an uncle living here in the town" smiles the woman "and my husbands parents aren't far from us either"

"Dear god" pleads the judge. "lets try this as simple as we can. ,,"Do you have a grudge ? " :)

"Oh no" says the woman, "we have a huge driveway -we've never needed one to be honest"

"Is there any infidelity in your marriage asks the judge ? " now getting a wee bitty annoyed.

"Both my son and daughter have stereo sets" explains the woman, "their always blaring out music"

"Madam" asks the judge, sick to the back teeth by now!! "does your husband ever beat you ?"

"Occasionally" she replies, "about twice a week he gets up about 20 minutes before me"

Thats it !!! screams the, now irate judge,,,,

"why do you want a divorce ? "

"Oh, i don't want a divorce," she replies, still smiling away,,,,,

"My husband does" - - he says he cant communicate with me!! " :D

jimmy xxx :D

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jimmyw123
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39 Replies

Good joke Jimmy thank you xx

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to

thank you cough lots of love jimmy :D xxxx

in reply to jimmyw123

Full lyrics

Author/Artist/Singer:Napoleon The 14th

Music Title/Track:Theyre Coming To Take Me Away

Remember when you ran away

And I got on my knees and begged you

Not to leave because I'd go berserk?

WELL,

You left me anyhow and

Then the days got worse and worse

And now you see I've gone completely

out of my mind,

AND

[chorus 1]

They're coming to take me away,

Haha, they're coming to take me away,

Ho ho, hee hee, ha ha,

To the funny farm

Where Life is Beautiful all the time

And I'll be happy to see

Those Nice Young Men

In their Clean White Coats

And they're coming to take me AWAY,

HA HAAAAA

You thought it was a joke,

and so you LAUGHED, YOU LAUGHED

When I had said that losing you

Would make me flip my lid,

RIGHT?

You know you laughed.

I HEARD you laugh, you laughed

You laughed and laughed

And then you left,

But now you know I'm Utterly Mad

AND

[chorus 2]

They're coming to take me away,

Haha, they're coming to take me away,

Ho ho, hee hee, ha ha,

To the Happy Home with Trees and Flowers

And Chirping Birds and basket weavers

Who sit and smile and

Twiddle their thumbs and toes

And they're coming to Take me Away,

HAHAAAAAAAAA

I cooked your food,

I cleaned your house,

And this is how you pay me back

For all my kind unselfish loving deeds

HUH?

Well, you just wait,

They'll find you yet,

And when they do, they'll put you in

the ASPCA, you mangy MUTT

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to

:D :D :D :D

Funny!! Good to have you back Jimmy xx

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to

thanks xris, at least im making a start lol love jimmy xxx :)

Jolyn profile image
Jolyn

Falling about....lol. Nice to have you back Jimmy xx

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to Jolyn

hi jolyn , be careful now :D its nice to be back jolyn

many thanks, love jimmy xxx :)

huggs profile image
huggs

Good one Jimmy, thanks for that. Its always good to have a laugh, and I will keep that one. lol

hugs from Huggs xxxx :)

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to huggs

thanks huggs , im coming round [the mountains :D ] now

hugs to huggs from jimmy xxx :)

scorpiolass profile image
scorpiolass

Very funny -Back on form jimmie. Good your back. Love mx

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to scorpiolass

hope things are well with you mx , a wee smile always helps, lots of love jimmy xxx :)

RibvanRey profile image
RibvanRey

OMG it is my sister in law. :-(

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to RibvanRey

had to laugh at that one rib, :D all the very best jimmy :)

Nice one jimmy, even I'd divorce her lol. Hope ur doing ok/better. Take care ❤️ Xx Sonia xx

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to

ha ha , getting there sonia, one step forward , one step back :D , hope you are well love jimmy xxx :)

mustcarryon profile image
mustcarryon

So good to see you are back on top form. That's a good one. Hope you and your mom are ok. xxx

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to mustcarryon

hi m/c/o yes the old mum getting better each day, .. me ?D well looking forward to spring , hope things are ok with you love jimmy xxx :)

bikergrove profile image
bikergrove

Very funny,nice start to the day Jimmy x

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to bikergrove

thanks biker,:) i think the humour page keeps us all going at times lol :) best regards jimmy xxx :)

Nanny49 profile image
Nanny49

Good to see you back,Jimmy and in such good form! Thanks for that.

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to Nanny49

hi nanny, hope you are well, i'm getting there each day now thanks, regards jimmy xxx :)

Lovely to have you back Jimmy.........you just be careful.

J.

PS....nice one.

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to

thanks budgies mom ,, will do thanks :)

you take care now, best regards jimmy xxx :)

Offcut profile image
Offcut

love it

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to Offcut

thanks off cut, hope your braving this cold weather :)

regards jimmy :)

Offcut profile image
Offcut in reply to jimmyw123

Weather winning :(

That's a good one Jimmy! Xx

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to

thanks kininmonth, , its always a wee laugh lol :)

best regards jimmy xxx :)

That's a good one Jimmy! Xx

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to

oh :D got two for the price of one lol :D ,, many thanks K. xx

Great one Jimmy,good to see you're getting on top of it,keep well my friend xxxx

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to

oh a big thanks to you wendells , hope you are well,

lovely to hear from you , best regards jimmy xxx :)

hufferpuffer profile image
hufferpuffer

Hahaha! Loved it Jimmy, so glad you are feeling better Yipee! Im sick in bed at the mo, so jokes Im loving!! Huff xxxxx

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to hufferpuffer

so sorry huffer, missed your post , hope your feeling better by now, glad you had a laugh :)

best regards jimmy xxx :)

Dragonmum profile image
Dragonmum

Good laugh Jimmy - and clean! Nice to see you chirpy, take care now.

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to Dragonmum

hi d/mum, getting there slow but sure, many thanks, you take care now, very cold tonight,, warmest thoughts jimmy xxx :)

pegbl profile image
pegbl

Nice to see you back...missed your cheery banter....keep well.

Peg xx

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123 in reply to pegbl

nice to see you pegbi, thanks for the kind words, keep well and keep warm peg , best regards jimmy xxx :)

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