Why I Haven't Written A Book...Yet

Write a book you say...go on...write a book and then we can read it and it'd be good...and you have the time after all. Not as though you can go very far, what with being attached to plastic tubing all the day long...well...none of you actually said that out loud, but I wouldn't mind betting it'd crossed your minds.

I did ask the drop dead gorgeous Malachi if I could please have the lighter oxygen bottles and he smiled...'these are the lighter bottles' he said...so I said 'Oh'

But my biggest problem over writing anything...even a shopping list...is Himself. I turn on the laptop and go to Word and have a bit of a think and then away I go...two fingers poking the letters that stick or those who refuse to work...it's the 'e' today...and Himself suddenly asks 'What's a hospital cleaning room?' I tell him it'd be a sluice...'How would you be spelling that he says?' So I spell it out and he says that's too many letters so it can't be right...

I start the first sentence again when I hear him puttering...'Oh...it is right after all because twelve down is wrong'

Delete the first sentence and begin again...Himself asks if I have anything in mind for my supper...I say I have...

'Do you want potatoes with it' he asks...

I delete the first sentence again and start from fresh...

Eilis is lying under my feet with a severe case of bottom burps that waft straight up to my nose...even though it's blocked with nasal prongs I can smell it...so I get up from my desk and light an incense stick and wonder what harm that'll be doing to my poor knackered lungs but decide it can't be any worse than the smell of Mr Happy dog food which says it's beef and I'd put money on the fact it's more likely to be horse.

Just thinking about horse means that Caitlin stops outside the gate to say hello 'cos she's just been out on Savannah...so I stretch the tubing as far as it'll go and peer round the door and say hello and how's it going and don't mention dog meat and Savannah in the same breath...

Caitlin and the horse go on down the lane to home and I sit down and begin again...

Himself gives up on the crossword and goes into the back lobby where the freezers are...there is much muttering and banging and crashing about and I ask what is it he's looking for and he says the salmon pies and I say they are in the left hand freezer and he says they are most certainly not and I know they are...so I untangle myself from the condenser and go into the chilly back lobby and produce the salmon pie from the left hand freezer and try not to look triumphant...

Where was I? still no further than the first sentence.

The 'phone rings and it's one of those peculiar Indian gentlemen who sound exactly like Peter Sellers wanting me to let them fix my computer problems...I think of something brief and pithy to say and put the 'phone down and go back to the beginning of Word...

By this time I've totally forgotten what it was I was going to write about...all that blank space looks at me accusingly, waiting for me to fill it up with something witty or interesting while Himself drops an oven tin on the kitchen floor and then can't find his glasses to read what oven temperature he needs and I bawl at him 'it'll be number 4' and he can't hear what I've shouted so comes back into the sitting room to ask and I close Word and have a look at FaceAche instead.

39 Replies

  • Hi did you get my pm I sent you a while ago about how to get things published? Hope it helps. x

  • How about tying Himself up with your plastic tubing and putting duct tape over his mouth. You could tell us the story of that as well :) xx

  • Just don't tempt me...lol

  • Hi Vashti, lots of your readers here are also tied up with tubing so this is probably one of the few places where being on O2 is not considered to be a big deal. As for the rest, you need to be firm, announce that you are now working on a book and that you need a quiet space and a few uninterrupted hours to work on it. You have to think of yourself as a writer and then others will accept that too. Anyhow, despite all the interruptions you haven't done too badly and if you gather together all the episode you've written here, that would be enough to submit to an editor. If you can find an editor who expresses interest then the momentum of that will carry you along. Thing to work out would be what kind of publication would be interested in this material and then send off a sample. I did a lot of writing myself at one stage of my life and I have a feeling that you have too. I know the whole process has changed and unsolicited manuscripts aren't as welcome as they once were plus a lot of publishing is now online. But, there's always a possibility for a fresh voice and fresh material ....... What do you think ?

  • I have written and been published in the dim and distant past...it's just getting back into the mind set I suppose...

    Many people self-publish on Kindle...it seems to be quite the thing to do...it's complicated but certainly doable...is doable actually a word or have I been reading to many American thrillers...lol

  • Doable if one had the energy and commitment I suppose. It's a bit ironic and definitely hypocritical for me to be telling you what you could do, when I'm doing absolutely nothing myself. These days, all my energy goes into just keeping one step ahead of the next exacerbation and anything I have to say would be of no interest to anyone. I had a lot of articles ( mostly travel) published and worked as a copy writer/technical writer on inhouse magazines for quite a while. I do now sometimes have the urge to write but don't do much about it. At least you ARE writing and writing regularly. I think it's fantastic that you're managing this, despite the interruptions, illness etc. so well done and keep it up.

  • Ah...now perhaps you could tell me what is 'an inhouse' magazine' ?

  • Argana, YOur "book" is just as long as Vashti's. You could get together!

  • You are so kind Mic ! But I have to master the harmonica first :)

  • I love it. Have you got a harmonica. I used to take one at cubs camp to play these cubs tunes. I kept it going for a long time, until it got a bit rusty with my spit! Now that I play the flute, I dry the instrument from inside. I should've done so when I was a boy ... but that was my carefree existence and didn't think of it!

    Have a good go at it. Take care if you are going to have this tremendous storm that is forecast. The coldest weekend in the year! Brr! Take care, Mic

  • Sorry Vashti but I did have to smile at your efforts of nearly starting to write even a little book. :) I do get what your saying but I think most writers in the beginning are trying to slot in a few typed or scribbled lines inbetween living their normal lives.I guess as my mum and dad would say if you want to badly enough you will? Then I would stomp off being the oh so impatient person that i once was still am a little. :P Dont put yourself under pressure ,we love to read your writings you have such a lovely way with words.To write a book of 200 pages is some feat to get together.My boys father has written 4 novels all done whilst running a glazing business and painting as he has a real talent as an artist,yes he got the miseries when the kids played up or work was a nightmare,but I have to take my hat off to him for such acheivments,it is something he has to do he he is compelled to.

    Looking forward to your next tale :) blessings to you Janexx

  • Thank you Jane...I know I've been so scathing in the past when people have said ' I want to write a book' my attitude has invariably been 'then why don't you'...

    Four novels and an artist? does he still write and paint now?

  • Hi Vashti I dont think he writes as much these days (we havnt been together for donkeys years now,I see him when he comes to see the boys) He still paints all the time though,he is a very talented person,age is creeping up on him now and I think early dementia has been diagnosed.So sadly his creative days will less and less I imagine. :) Janexx

  • Oh Jane...how awful...poor man.

  • Hi vashti, u should be proud of urself that people love ur writing enough to want it in a book, some books take years to write but if well written it's well worth it. Tell himself u have all these fans that u need to adhere to with ur tales, so u need a few hours to complete ur stories, I enjoy my daily jackanory slot, u have a skill so why not try and make money off it, I'd gladly buy ur book, thus occupying the rest of us that can't get around much either :) xx Sonia xx

  • Thank you Sonia...for your kind words...xxx

  • Don't know what to suggest Vasti except to implement Cough's suggestion. Sadly that scenario only exists in our daydreams. I've even set up my laptop up in the attic two floors up but to no avail. The interruptions and requests still came.

    You sure are a patient soul. I'd be yelling at him and using rude language! I've often done that which of course achieves nothing except to make you lose your voice and feel like the meanest fishwife ever. And you then have to be extra nice for a day or two and then it happens all over again. I know you are a nice lady seeing as how you so gently foil himself's interruptions. Can't say I'm so much of a nice lady and I'm husky of voice these days...more like a sickly baby... so I'll just lace his tea with tranquilisers and while he snores away I can get on with my typing and gossiping and so on with a bit of a smirk on my face. And after all he'll be happy too!

    Keep writing


  • I leave out the yelling and rude words when I'm telling the story...lol Sound like a docker sometimes...lol

  • Hi Butter and fly! I love the way you sya that you were shouting! This is what makes the spice of a novel, big emotions,

    I wrote one book with the NANOWRIMO (National November Writing Month). Then last year I embarked on trying to know what makes a thriller tick. I read about GCHQ. I read "at risk" by Stella Rimington and I read a couple of other novels. The thing that sickened me was they were so gruesome. I'm afraid I put them all back on the shelf including my project of writing a thriller (I don't think non gruesome thrillers exist! - apart from Agatha Christie's)

    Ah well, back to the flute :-)

  • Hi Michael, Good to hear from you and congrats on your book. To be selected for the NANOWRIMO must be quite an achievement. I agree that some thrillers are very gruesome but that's the nature of the beast. I'm a big fan of books by Lee Childs, Ian Rankin....and many other thriller writers but I like any book with a good story line and not too padded out with the irrelevant.

    Sorry you have given up writing in view of the above achievement.

    Hope fully you'll just have a rest and then take it up again. Does take some dedication though.

    Hope you are well Michael and making sweet music anyway.

  • Butterfly, Anybody can join NANOWRIMO, it's free. This is getting you by the back of the pants, because the requirement is that each participant writes 50 000 words in 4 weeks. This is exhilarating. They do this in November because it's cold and there are less activities available.You really have to block those four weeks chris Baty wrote an accompanying bok for those 4 weeks called No plot, no problem, and his kit of encouragement, complete with a chart of progress.

    Be careful of the gigantic storm coming over us during the night and tomorrow. The forecaster said it would be the coldest weekend of the year. Wrap up extra warm :-)

  • Sounds like hard work to me Michael...not sure I could devote the time to it or get the peace to do it!

    Hope the storm is not too bad but generally I like storms if I can watch them from behind double glazing!

  • Wishing you a really thick double glazing and a strong roof!

  • I've just left a reply to your earlier post about stopping writing - and I see that you're actually in full literary mode again!! I'm so pleased

  • I meant I was just stopping writing about the first cottage...it was making me feel downright miserable!

  • It has taken me a minute to reply because I could not stop laughing at the last sentence, that has made my day,I was really into you trying to get started on the Lappy,certainly did not expect that last line,brilliant just Magic.

  • Aw, thank you redted...pleased it made you laugh!

  • Another piece of brilliant writing! My other half and I do exactly the same things, and both of us laughed so much at this!

    Love Lolly. xx

  • You mean there are other people out there just like us....eek! That's a bit scary...lol xxx

  • Oh vashti, I was laughing out loud and totally get why you don't write a book - just yet anyway. Nothing to do with tubes and not going out mind - but himself needs to be getting out of the house for a little while and let you get your words down. Good luck with that. xxxxxx :) :)

  • He'll be better when the spring comes...hates being cooped up indoors 'cos of the dark evenings and foul weather so annoys me...think it's a bit of a hobby actually!

  • Oh Vashti, get himself a jigsaw puzzle or something! Anything so you can keep writing. I look forward to your (almost) daily stories. XX

  • A jigsaw! Now there's an idea...lol

  • Forget writing the book just put all these blogs together, I think I live with his brother LOL. You're so funny and right. Keep sending them. xx

  • Forget writing the book just put all these blogs together, I think I live with his brother LOL. You're so funny and right. Keep sending them. xx

  • You mean there's another one like him out there...lol

  • oh Vashti you brighten up our day ! If you ever manage to write a book or 2 , they would be 'best sellers', personally I would love to read them xx

  • I'll have to see what can be done...lol

  • A magazine produced by a big company /organization for employees/ friends of the company etc.

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