Depressed

I Think you all know I have Copd. Reading all the posts I realise how fortunate I am as I have only had it for ten yrs. and I am 72 yrs. old, however I still think I am 21 and so do my Family. My Family live in the central belt and I live in the Highlands as we all know this illness can make us quite isolated as one gets tired of : putting a face on. : My family don,t have a clue as to how desperately ill I feel so there is no sympathy vote, not that I want that ....just that they understood would be great.

That is not the reason I am writing this it is because two of my Daughters (. I have four.). are in very unhappy marriages, their health is deteriorating due to this but both having young children don,t want to disrupt them by leaving. I feel like a caged animal as I can do nothing to help, don,t even have the strength to go and be with them. Is there anything worse than a mother who can,t help their child.... even if they are Adults.

Quite Pissed, so excuse me for ....off loading like this but I know you can understand ....And that helps......Thanks a million for being there....xx

16 Replies

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  • oh honey you cant do anything anyway this is a problem that they have to sort out for themselves and us mams just get ready with the cuddles when its needed so dont beat yourself up over that

    on another note your family and friends need to know how much you are struggling i would be so upset if my mam had kept that away from me so i hope you consider a heart to heart with them x x

  • Hi Baily, Mandy is so right. I have family problems with my son and his partner at the moment. I'm staying in the background but won't be drawn in. What ever the outcome just be there to support them all. My family do know how I struggle and help as much as they can. Tell them Baily. You might be surprised with the result. Everyday is a struggle isn't it, but we make it. Take care xx PS my mind thinks it is 21 but the mirror and the aches and limitations of my body tell a different story.

  • My Mum used to say those were the Day,s now it,s Night. Being part of this foundation really helps x

  • So sorry Bailey you are feeling so down with family and health issues.

    Wise words from Mandy and Suzy. I am sure your daughters know you are there for them and that you will never stop caring or loving them.

    Glad you felt able to come and trust your friends on here.

    love cx

  • Hi bailey sorry you feel so rotten about everything, I really do know how you feel, funnily enough I am practically in same situation, with my two daughters, you really have to let them sort out their own lives like I imagine you must have done, as a parent I know you want to look after them no matter how old they are, but you really must take care of yourself, I'm sure things will work out for them, take care Annette

  • Thanks Annete, I am feeling a bit mo re positive now and realise I will be no help to anyone if I go down.....so it,s onwards and upwards...x

  • Hi Bailey,can't realy add to what the other peeps have written!

    Just make sure you look after yourself,& I agree with the others,you realy should tell your daughters,don't put it off! xxx

  • Good Morning Bailey, You have a lot to cope with. My husband has had COPD for over 12 years and has gradually got worse - but maybe some of it is just getting older! I can remember my Gran telling me that she was often shocked at the sight of the old woman in the mirror - she always thought she was 21!! My guess is it will be quite hard in the Highlands especially in the winter when it can get so cold. I would suggest that you do tell your family - not to worry them but so that they are aware. Having said that it is such a difficult illness - generally COPD sufferers look OK until they move! And it is only when you live with it day to day you realise the implications. My husband recently got a fantastic foldaway mobility scooter for our hols in Cornwall - I was worried it was a step backwards but actually has given him a new lease of life! - the most interesting thing is that we get much more sympathy from people when out eg. people hold doors open, etc. And I remember my sister (who is a nurse) telling me if I take him to hospital to use a wheelchair because it is a visual reminder to staff that he is ill! It might be worth a call to the BLF helpline to ask their advise about the treatment you are getting and if you should/could be asking for different meds. etc.

    Depression can be a large part of COPD. But have you changed any meds. - I ask this because my husband was given a new med for slightly high blood pressure and he became very depressed on it. Once you have ruled that out! - My mum (a little older than you) has been suffering with depression - please go to the doctors regardless of how bad they are - depression changed her life but the medication has given her control of her life again and she seems to have conquered the depression to a great extent.

    It must be awful for you worrying about your daughters but to be honest what could you do if you went to stay. You may make it worse. Just be there at the end of the phone and help them as you are doing. The girls have to make decisions for themselves and their children - awful as it is to sit and watch and even worse to listen to all their woes. Just by them been able to offload will be helpful to them. Thats what Mums are there for - to listen and then worry!! Take good care of yourself, TAD xxx

  • Thanks Tad, what a wonderful reply it is such a comfort to me being able to share this hurt.... X

  • You can help with phonecalls, letters, emails and cards (many are blank as you know so can write a note or short letter in them). It will help just to know that you are there and thinking of them in a non-judgemental way. Help you too as feel is something can do

    Big hugs, thinking of you and your family xxx

  • Hi Bailey I too have family problems I have 4 sisters the youngest of whom I used to quite close to 3 months ago I sat at my computer and penned a letter to her to no avail to me families are funny things at the best of times.

  • I like what Mandy says. But even if it is their problem to solve, you could tell them that you are always there to listen. Listening is an important task.

  • Hi Baily, sorry my reply is late. Hope you feel a little more perky today. I always think of a philosophy said to me , "don't see things as a problem just see them as a challenge to be solved " which is how I cope with my family issues and practical things. Don't think that works for health though. Take care and look after yourself first then you can think about other things. Every best wish.

  • Hello Baily,I would just like to stick up for the children of these marriages.I have both personal(my mother left home when I was six) and professional experience (I worked as. House parent for abandoned children)I was glad my mother left because the fighting was horrible.Some of the kids I looked after were better off in care.My point being some people think it is better to stay together for the sake of the kids this sadly is seldom true.I know circumstances are different for every body ,just thought I'd pass on the little experience I have in the hope it,s of some help?Good luck,hope you feel better soon.D.

  • Thank you sooo much Farmer D, I believe in what you said, as a Mother I feel totally inadequate due to my health, I just want to give her a cuddle and can,t.

    However I have a strong faith so I just pray for them all...... This site is wonderful...

  • Hi bailey so glad you are now on such a positive note, always come on here when you are down, everyone will do their very best to help, stay well Annette

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