My husband sadly died last week and today is his funeral. It is 5.00 am and I have been up since 4.00 am, I am writing these comments because I don't have to think about things and cry all the time and this helps to take my mind of what I have facing me today.
My husband had COPD, Bronchiectasis and was on 24 hours a day oxygen. I was his 24/7 carer, up and down all the time and through the night which was exhausting, I was checking on him all the time, I dreaded getting a shower as he was on his own for half an hour, even using the toilet was a rush. I bought a Bell he could ring, but when he was having trouble breathing he hadn't the strength to ring it.
SO, I decided to buy two Walkie Talkies, they have been absolutely life-savers both for me and my husband. We wore them all the time, when he stayed in bed a bit longer in the morning, I could go down, take the dog out and just press a button and say, Mother-ship to Fathership are you okay, he only had to press a button and say yes. I have lost count of the times he pressed the button when I was doing something and he just said, 'help me', I could get to him and see he was having a breathing 'do', get his nebuliser and Salbutamol and wait until he started breathing again normally. I could do the gardening, clean the outside windows, let the dog into the garden etc. make the beds, in fact do anything I could not do before because I was in and out checking on him all the time.
The last day on which he was taken into hospital was the 29th August, at 4 pm. 15 months after his last hospital visit, thanks to Azithromycin, our sons were coming for tea with our grandchildren. I was upstairs with him getting him washed and ready to come down. I had just made him a cup of tea and then I went down to get tea ready. Two minutes later the Walkie Talkie went off, 'help me,' I ran upstairs and he said, get an ambulance. He was taken into hospital and sadly died the day after from Pneumonia, Acute respiratory failure and carbon dioxide poisoning. Because I had just been upstairs only minutes before, I would not have gone up for another 10 minutes to bring him downstairs and he could have died alone gasping for breath, but because of the Walkie Talkies I was able to get the ambulance which was there in 5 minutes, get him into hospital and stay with him the rest of the day, all night and the day after until he died very peacefully in my arms with all his family around him telling him how much he was loved.
So, to all you Carers please get a Walkie Talkie, if you are looking after someone who needs constant care and is able to press a button, it gives you peace of mind when you have to answer the door, go to the toilet, make a meal, hang washing out etc. etc. as you are in constant touch with them, my husband could not have used the mobile phone whilst having a breathing 'do', but he could press the button on the side of the Walkie Talkie.
My grandchildren loved to talk to him using the Walkie Talkies and their mums and dads had explained to them what had happened to their granddad. They came to see me the other day and the youngest asked for the Walkie Talkie to talk to his grandad, he knew he was no longer with us and he was a star in the sky, but he still thought he could talk to him on the handsets., which was heartbreaking,
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sweetthing1
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Oh sweet thing,I wish I could give you a big gentle hug.My thoughts will be with you,a hard day in front of you,but with the help of the family,you'll get through.
So sorry to hear about your husband,but trite as it sounds,he is at peace now.
You have been a wonderful wife,I loved your thoughts about the Walkie talkie,what a great idea.
Bless your little Grandson,that bought tears to my eyes,
You are going through such a tough time,but you know we are always hear to lend an ear when you want.
Thanks for letting us know,it's lovely you thought of us,
You take care so very sorry and you are in my thoughts.
Hi sweething, I'm sorry for ur loss, and sending big hugs for u and ur family today. Ur name suits u, what a sweet thing to do, thanks for the taking the time to tell us about something that helped u to help others . Take care x Sonia x
Thank you so much for taking the time to post such an inspiring post. Your love for each other is fantastic. You are a star looking after him with so much care and so much love. Thinking of you today and sending you much love. I am sure he will be smiling down on you and will be so proud and grateful to you and all the family. TAD xxxx
Thank you all for your wonderful comments, I am now sat here all ready, albeit three hours too soon, waiting for my husband to come home for one last time. I am all made up, trying not to cry so my make-up doesn't get smudged, I want to look my best and make him proud. Tomorrow is the start of a different kind of life and I am absolutely dreading it. With being a carer, and many of you know what that entails, I have lost contact with many old friends, they were good friends really or so I thought, as they did not keep in touch with me or I them as we couldn't visit, or have nights out etc. etc. The people that have surprised me are the people I considered acquaintances, not seeing them very often, but who turned up on our doorstep with cards, flowers and hugs telling me I knew where they were if ever I wanted anything.
The biggest change for me is that I have not only lost my husband, I have lost my aim in life. I spent three years non-stop caring for him 24 hours a day and now nothing. I have cleaned cupboards, pulled out furniture etc. catching up on everything, I kept everything clean and tidy but could never deep clean, bleach anything, or use sprays to clean the furniture as the fumes made him breathless, even flowers in the house caused him problems. Every surface is now covered in flowers. He loved flowers and loved sitting out in the garden whilst I pottered about, that is one of the things I cry about, seeing one garden chair empty, we sat for hours in the afternoon in the summer having tea and playing with our German Shepherd who was my husbands loving companion.
I am so terribly sorry to hear of your dear husband's passing sweetthing. It comes across in your post how much love there was between you both and what a wonderful caring, strong woman you are.
What a brilliant idea of yours - I am sure it will be the answer to a constant difficulty for many carers.
I will be thinking of you and your family especially through this difficult day. Remember sweetthing we will always be here for you - please come and chat with us anytime.
Thank you for giving of yourself and letting us into your grief. Courage to you for today, and strength for your new life ahead. It will be hard, but will ease over time. Be strong sweetthing! {x}
Deeply impressed with all you have told us, sweetthing I will be reading your wonderful words again and again. My husband is terminally ill with cancer. I dont like to think about the future and all that will happen but take heart from your account.
We both attend the local hospice on different days, me on carers' day. There are a lot of wise helpful people who will be able to steer through anyone through the sad times following a loved one's demise. I have heard that the sadness will gradually byreplaced by happier memories. I believe this to be true judging by all the ladies on their own.
My thoughts and loving wishes to see you through your sadness. Remember lots of lovely people in this forum who will be with you. Love Pergola xx
Oh sweetthing l am so sad and sorry for your loss.
My husband died 3 months ago, and walkie talkies were a life saver till June 11th for him to. I'm still devestated at my hubby being gone but now and again l feel peace and can smile, lm still wandering aimlessly. As carers so much time is focussing on loved one, so do not be hard on yourself because now you dont have the same reason to get out of bed each day. Though never would you have wanted your husband to be ill.
No one will expect you to stay strong but l hope you can turn to family and friends for support. Everyones grief looks different. Be kind to self, cry,walk, talk, sit silently, and as time goes by you will begin to get stronger andd good memories again will replace bad and painful ones..With you today in thought and send you love and a big hug.xxxxx
My heart is with you.
Your words of wisdom to help others and share your experience inspire me and I am sure others.
so sorry to hear your loss your story is heartbreaking sending my love and god bless you and your family xxx
Oh such a sad ending to a most beautiful story I love the walkie talkie contact and yes there was a tear in my eyes when the youg grandson wanted to use it to talk with his granddad in heaven. The days ahead will not be easy but you have a wonderful family to draw strength from. And because probably you may think you no longer have need of the support site please use it for help and strength when times are low. God bless and keep you and remember this you are in my prayers always.
Hi sweetthing. I missed you when you left the site and I am sorry to hear of your sad loss. The positive here is that your husband will no longer suffer and you can go on to remember him as he was before he became ill. Love. xx
So sorry for your loss. I am pleased you are back on the site where I hope you will find the support that you need. I know how hard you worked to care for your husband and you did your absolute best for him. Remember the good times you had together before this terrible illness took it's toll. Stay strong and have faith in the future. I'll be thinking of you.
Hello Sweetthing, so sorry to here your sad news. Hubby is at peace now no more suffering. That was very courageous of you to post so soon after and hope you have gained support from your on line friends. The advice about walkie talkies is good sure it could help many and as you say it keeps you close, your grandchildren will miss him just as you will, but you have some lasting memories. My thoughts go with you and your family at this sad time x
Thank you sweetthing for your continued generosity. Your husbands quality of life was much enhanced by your caring. So sad for you. Take care and lean on others getting all the cuddles you can always. Here are some Xxx
Poor sweetie, Peace to you in this sad moment. But what a beautiful idea you had. It is right to cry. Be comforted taht you did everything you could have done. Wonderful you.
Hello Sweething, I'm so sorry for your loss, I just saw your post and I've been wondering how you were lately. Please except my deepest condolences and know I'm thinking of you, hugs huff xxxxx
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