Left hosp last saturday..pnuemonia and given prednisone...last day and im picking that cough up again. The one which its stuck deep in my chest and i have to keep digging n digging to get it up over my larynx or throat n then expidite it.. becoming constant now..weather here in northeastern usa is changing to fall so cool mornings and chilly nights is making me uncertain that im not over this and worried bout it coming back cz no more prednsone... im in a lets wait n see mode...but always fearing the worst. The IVs that were in my arm are a deep black n blue..i developed this reddish lump like thing on my forearm that is acutely painful.. i havent a clue how or why its there..visibly immflamed red and its not hot but concerned none the less. Everyday some kind of new ark or bruise or broken vessel is being outlined on my body.. purple knees are really deep colored today czits chilly here in philly.. temp is 67° and rain is on the way. Im going to work and the thought of makeup is giving me ulcers.. im putting on my game face for work but im becoming insecure bout my appearance cz work is work..they love me and i dont want tbem to think im in any way sick. They dont understand and i dont want to xplain.. my dilemna and im in pain everyday...but i hide in my secret painful life and my threshold is high..so i keep on keeping on... with the motivation that i can work and i can do it cz im a survivor to thebitter end...hey my parents were killed when i was 3, my sister died on new years day of a massive heart attack she was 56. My only other sibling my brother died last summer of luekemia age 49. So i raised myself in a boarding school o be strong and this life wasnt going to hbe a cakewalk since the word jump..and i am right here with you world..its gonna take a lot of mountain moving to put me in the ground..good days yes..bad days es.. but day s where i give up...none..have a wonderful tuesday
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