life

Hello everyone, sorry not been on here for ages, l really wouldnt have managed without you all. My hubby has been dead for 6 weeks now but it feels like yesterday.

Just want to share good news my sister does not have Ipf! Very thankful!.....

My sadness, she is so mentally poorly, she said this to bring attention back to her....

So my family were terribly distessed over my hubby and we were all broken my sister could have had his

illness.

NOW, i'm in a mess, broken and my children seem unable to deal with dad dying and l am unable to fullly grieve as they cannot cope with me not being strong.

Help

18 Replies

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  • Really sorry to read your message, Rockett. Seems to be that you have done the right thing in coming here to talk. You will get friendly support. My own view is that you need to have counselling or a chat to your GP who could recommend help.

    You are a low level but believe me, you will work your way out of it but you need help.

    All the best - P xx

  • I am so very sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. It must be hard enough grieving for your husband but your sister has caused you extra distress that you don't need at this time. She is as you say clearly ill herself to make those false claims. I really think it would help to see your GP and get some counselling. Just try to take it a day at a time. Some days will be better than others, but you will get there.

  • Hello Rockett, first can I say how pleased I am for you and the family that your sister doesn't have IPF. Secondly how well you have done to come back here for some support. Six weeks is not long at all and you and the children will still feel very deeply about the loss of your dear husband. You will probably be remembering how difficult it was to see him so poorly. I think you need lots more time and you will all need to be strong for one another.

    I expect a lot of your time was spent taking care of him and now you must feel like you have too much time to be spending without him. It is so very hard to be the ones left here to grieve and slowly you will come to terms with your loss and find relief from your pain. I'm sure that when we die we find peace.

    One day we will all know this for ourselves.

    Take one day at a time, don't dwell in the past or worry about the future, try to live in the present the best you can. Find things to do with your time that you enjoy, walking, cooking, knitting, anything that gives you some relief from your sad thoughts however briefly.

    Come here and let us know how you and the family are. Sending love the biggest hugs ever, huff xxx

  • Hi Rocket

    So very sorry for the loss of your husband, know what pain grief you are going through, my husbands 1st Anniversary of his death tommorow, hope that this will be a turning point for me, sorry also about your sister, you have so much going on, but you will get through it, it would be good for you if you get help, you also need to look after yourself, its so easy when grieving to forget ourselves, my thoughts are with you take care. Angse

  • Dear rocket

    Six weeks is no time at all sweetheart - the death of your dear husband must still be very raw for you and for you children. If I remember rightly you can self refer to CRUSE cruse.org.uk/

    You may find them helpful, as indeed might your children. Just a thought.

    Glad your sister does not have IPF, though sorry she has other issues.

    Please keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.

    love cx

  • As has been said, 6 weeks is a very short time but time will heal the pain.

  • Many thanks for all your encouragement. Angse you are in my thoughts tomorrow. I hope you will have love and support as you journey in too a new year ahead without your loved one.

  • I was young when my sister past away. I remember that my father was horse for about a year after her death. I thought his voice would never come back, It did and I had many great years with him after her death and he seem okay in excepting her demise. So time does heel wounds both physical and emotional. What shock me is that years went by before I realize that the year he was horse was because when he was alone he cried and cried every night. We never spoke about it but his love for her and the hurt he felt was a very emotional time. My mom seemed to adjust faster, but today I wonder what did it do to their marriage. I also had another sister who was the eldest, she seem to adjust but I saw that she feared a lot of things in life. In time I became the family patriarch. My feelings for Pamela seem to grow greater as time past. I still remain close to my brother n law and my nephews. He remarried and has been with his second wife for 38 years. We are all close an keep in touch frequently. Enough rambling, I guess I too needed to reflect back on those days.

  • Oh dear, you poor thing. I'm so sorry you are suffering so much.

    Grief is a terrible thing to endure, I know the pain feels unbearable but I hope you can let yourself weep - it's better out than in.

    I well remember when my beloved little brother was killed at 20, I was 30. The pain was so intense I felt like smashing my head on the wall, I couldn't then because my 2 small children were looking up at me so I held it in. At mums for the funeral I was about to break when someone said "pull yourself together for mums sake". I held it in.

    Within 6 weeks I had a stomach ulcer. My sister started having panic attacks and her troubles took years to overcome (she and I brought him up).

    All that suffering because we didn't have any means of expressing our emotions. No counselling.

    No one should endure it without help anymore, please see your doctor.

    When their father died my daughters went together to counselling and it really helped them so much. The sooner you get help the more bearable it will become.

    There are so many people who just don't understand if they haven't lost a loved one themselves. Those are best avoided but they will one day understand.

    I wish you all the very best, please please seek some support. P xxxx

  • Sorry to hear of your sad news and difficult times Rockett, but nice that you turned to the site for a chat. It's early days and you need all your strength to get through the grieving process so follow the advice given to seek any support to help you. Glad your sister does not have IPF that is one less worry for you and the family. Thinking of you xx

  • Morning Rocket

    Take time for you it's early days. I lost my hubby 2 years ago now and know what you are going through.

    A good friend or like some have recommended counciling.

    No good telling you remember the happy memory's to early but believe me they will. ((((Hugs))))

  • Try counselling with cruse the bereavement counselling charity. Hope you find relief . Speak and share and grieve with your family ... you all have strength to support each other. Xxx

  • Gone to gp again today, waiting to hear, be referred for help.xxx

  • oh good. in case you want it Cruse website .... they specialise in bereavement counselling and have helped someone I know recently.

    cruse.org.uk/

    lean on people where you can ... that will help you help your kids too. Why carry all the burden when others can help is my philosophy and people do like to contribute...you'll see. xxx

  • You poor love... your heart is broken. I know how I felt when I lost my darling dad. But things will in time get easier . ....Concentrate on the children and leave your sister to the rest of the family.

    Just wish I was nearer to help. ....xx

  • Thankou for your kind words. And for offer of help if nearer. Im finding being on this site is helping me alot. xxxx

  • Dear Life, how sad I feel for you, life is soo hard, I have a strong faith and it is my saving grace, I believe in the power of prayer so will pray that God will give you the strength to get through this for I know of no other way... sent with love....

  • I'm so sorry rockett...sending you a warm hug. It's not easy is it. xxx

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