Help my dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer

3 weeks ago my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and on Friday we went to hospital for an oncologist appointment . They have told us that it is inoperable and that chemo is not an option either as he is too old and not fit enough ( he is 79) the only treatment they can offer is palliative radiotherapy . They also said that it is more likely to be months rather than years. We are all so devastated but is their anything I can do ? We don't have another appointment with oncology just wait for radiotherapy to send an appointment just feeling as if I should be doing something ? Ps my mum is also disabled and my dad is her career so it is so much harder.

18 Replies

  • firstly im very sorry about your dad and your mam at this sad time ,if you want to ring the nurses up in the morning 9am the number is 03000030555 and chat to a nurse also i found this link which is only a link so dont read to much into it,its like saying how long is a piece of string , spend as much time as you can with him.the members thoughts are will you at this timexx

  • there is nothing you can do except make his last weeks as comfortable as possible I too am terminal I live day to day some of them really hard but just plod on your dad is no longer her carer he must claim benefits another way which give them more money check with job cntr plus for what your dad is able to claim good luck

  • Hello Oxocube, sorry to hear you have bad news. The best thing you can do is be there for your parents if that is possible. If you need a chat contact the macmillan nurses the details can be found on line, tomorrow the BLF help line will be available. You need some crisis intervention for your fathers care as well as your mothers which is down to social services. Take good care of yourself as you will need all your strength to get through the coming months, my heart goes out to you. xx

  • Hi oxocube, So sorry for your news. I see members have given you good advice on who to contact. It is heart breaking when you feel at a loss. We found that just being there and making more happy memories is all you can do. If you need someone to chat too or just listen, there are a lot of good people on here. Who will be there for you. Take care nannyb xxx

  • So sorry to hear your dad is so poorly. Please try to stay strong and look for the good moments of every single day. Sending you my love.

    Nin xxxx

  • Just sending you all a comforting hug as others have given you very good advice. Please use Monday to call in the troops that can help. Thought a are with yo all D :) x

  • Evening.

    Really sorry to hear your sad news, I echo the advice given get some help first thing, so you can concentrate spending quality time with your father.

    Kim xxxx

  • So sorry to hear this, very hard for your family as well as your Dad. The best help we had when my husband had terminal cancer was from the Macmillan nurse. They will know all the local services, sources of financial help etc. and be a great support through this difficult time. I am not sure if you can contact Macmillan direct or if you have to ask to be referred through your GP.

  • Hi oxocube, so sad about your poor dad and the fact that he is carer for your mum makes it all the more difficult. You have had good advice so there is nothing I can really add but just want to extend my sympathies to you and your family. Stay strong. xxx

  • I am so sorry to hear your news - you have had some very good advise. I just wanted to send my love to you and your family. Take good care TAD xx

  • Thank you all for your advice and lovely thoughts x I have spent the weekend with them but have had to come home as have work tomorrow. They are in Portsmouth and I am in Poole and I know it's not far but seems like such a long way away. Am going to sort out some leave and try to get some things sorted as I agree that my dad needs to be thinking of himself and not worrying about my mum . Will also phone McMillan tomorrow to see what help/advice they can give . Once again thank you all for your advice and caring thoughts they have helped x

  • Hi oxocube I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I can't imagine how you must all be feeling right now. I think the hospital and/or Macmillan nurses will help him sort out any benefits he may be able to claim. One thing I do know - if he has been given a terminal diagnosis of 6 months or less then he comes under 'Special Rules' which means he will get the highest benefits available and should receive them within 2 weeks of the claim.

    I agree with make him comfortable and spend as much quality time with him as possible. Talk about happy things - childhood, funny happenings, shared family jokes etc.

    Thinking about all of you. Take care xx

  • Hello oxicube. So sorry to hear about your dad. It must be so awful for all of you. I agree with all the advice already said and believe the McMillan nurse will be exceptional. I hope you will be able to get help from them very soon. In the meantime, try to be positive and concentrate on things you can do. Maybe you and your dad can make a list of things he would like to do and this will occupy your mind on the positive and also give you and your mum some fond memories. I will be thinking of you and send my best wishes.

  • Hello Oxocube. I agree with all that has been said. Quality time is important, and that may be in the little things you can do. Mcmillan, there's usually a phone number at the hospital, I'm surprised that the oncologist didn't give it to you.

    I had a friend who lost his wife recently, I think Mc milan nurses are down to earth and will give you valuable help. Also someone mentioned the hospice, that is a good place to be looked after when needed. Also, your dad may want to talk about his illness, and people are reluctant to do so. apart from you, has your dad got a really good friend he could open himself too. That would be invaluable.

    Take care of him AND of yourself. Don't feel guilty if you feel tired and want a rest, or you are not available on a particular day. Your dad doesn't become another person just because he is ill! I pray that you will do the right thing, on the emotional point of view as well as physically.

  • Hello Oxocube sorry I did not get back sooner this is the telephone number for Macmillan advice line. 0808 808 00 00 xx

  • so sorry to hear about your poor Dad. My Dad was diagnosed yesterday and has been given months also. Surgery is not an option and whilst I really dont feel I can offer you much advice I do know that I feel your pain and send you love and hugs at such a terrible time. Xxxx

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