Sad news

I haven't been on line much recently and that is because my husband Phil died in September. We had only been together for 8 years and married for 4 and I knew he was ill when we married but we were very happy together.

Phil got his wish and died peacefully at home surrounded by his children, brothers, loyal Jack Russell called Jack, and me. This was made possible by the care and support we received from his fabulous doctor and the Iain Rennie hospice at home nurses, although they were only involved for the last few days of his life, without whom he would have suffered. They were there whenever we needed them whatever the time of day or night and always treated him with dignity and were very supportive to myself and his family.

Phil lived his life to the full even at the end. The day before he died the house was filled with laughter as all the family had arrived from all over the UK and the brothers were teasing each other and the rest of the family. Mind you the kids did their fair share as well. We all had fish and chips for supper as I did not have enough foot in the house to feed them all and Phil even had a glass or two of Guinness' At 7:45am the next morning he slipped away. Everybody responded to the 5am call to return to the house and everybody got there in time. I am sure Phil hung on until his little brother arrived.

His funeral was a humanist one and was a celebration of his life rather than anything else and even Jack attended. Afterwards we all went to the pub where he spent so much of his time until he could no longer make it up the steps into the bar and where we meet.

The house is very quiet without him. No TV on 24/7 and no oxygen concentrator working in the hallway and no trailing oxygen tube to trip me up.

The last 6 months have been difficult but I have got through them and it is true time is a great healer. Having said all that I think about Phil every day and it is amazing how often I find tears streaming down my face as I go round the M25 on my way to work.

I can not thank my employers and my fellow workers enough for all the support they gave me when Phil was ill and after his death. They have been great. Allowing me to work from home when Phil wasn't well enough for me to leave him.

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21 Replies

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  • Many thanks for sharing your story. Phil was lucky to have a wife like you. Yes I am sure everything seems odd with the quietness and that you do not trip over things. I was in hospital with pneumonia a couple of years ago and my wife said she could not stand how tidy everything was. I make a mess you see in the living room after she has cleared up. I will never complain again she said. As she was just so pleased I was back home. Fair play my wife does not complain. Just clears the clutter around me. I know like Phil my wife will be by my side at the end. and that my dear means everything to us men. We would of course if called on be by our womans side at the end. As said many thanks for your story :)

  • I can't believe how much mess Phil used to make - now it's Jack's toys all over the floor. I hope your wife continues to clear up after you for a long time.

    Funny Jack won't let me go to bed on my own and hasn't since the day Phil died - I have even had to get him a bed of his own upstairs. Such a spoilt dog!!

    Peta

  • Sorry about your loss but it seems you both had a great outlook on life. I hope you continue to do so.

  • Oh Silly sausage I am so sad to hear of your loss, but I read your post with tears in my eyes, tears of sadness, but also the love that you and your husband had shone through your post. and his end was one that most would wish for surrounded by love and his family .

    Your whole family sounds warm and wonderful, I am sure you will miss him very much, but you have the memories of eight happy years. Something which some people never know

    I hope if you do feel down you will 'pop in' here again, there will always be someone to 'chat' to

    Thank you so much for sharing your story, it really is special

    Love Sohara xx

  • Sorry to hear of your recent loss of your husband and thank you for being able to share it with us, as you say time is a great healer but it is amazing what we do miss in the beginning,I used to miss my husband locking up at night and of course the good night Kiss, so your story brought a tear to my eyes too even after ten years. May all your days be filled with the happy memoriesX

  • Thank you for all your kind replies. I am sitting here in the office with tears in my eyes - good job it is hayfever season.

    Peta

  • So sorry to hear your sad news,but thankyou,for sharing with us.

    Phil was very lucky to have you,& what lovely memories you can look back onOf course there will be times,as Katie said,when it hits home,& that's ok,do your grieving & then back on with life.

    How wonderful to have had the family there,& even Jack at the service!

    You have had 8 precious years.,which many never have.

    Do take care of your self,pop in from time to time,to let us know how you're going,

    Hugs & love Wendells xxx

  • Very moving and touching post you silly sausage it's brought tears to my eyes!! I am sure Phil brought the inner strength out of you as you probably did for him. Sounds like the time you had together was memorable through good & bad times and something you wouldn't have changed regardless of your situation (I just re-married in 2009 to an angel who has to deal with my demands and feel guilty of what I'm putting her through some days!!). I would wish to go like him enjoying himself with his family around him. Although your emotions will be raw you will have courage to get through this and the support of your family, and remembering all the great times you had together. My heart felt feelings go out to you. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. Think I need to go and get a tissue now to wipe my eyes -take care of yourself - Plumbob X

  • Sorry for your loss Peta but what great love and support you had from family, friends and Jack. Phil must have been so happy to be spending his last years with you. God bless you and may your wonderful, lasting memories get you through the difficult times. Take care. xxxxx

  • So sorry to hear the sad news of your dear husband Phil's passing.

    You must find your little Jack a great comfort. Stay strong dear silly sausage.

    love cx

  • So sorry for your loss. Your strength and love shines through in your post im sure your little Jack will help you and your memories

    Of your lives together he sounded a lovely man who loved life. Take care we are all here if you need us love Judith xxxxx

  • Morning.

    I'm so very sorry to hear of your sad loss. How lucky he must have felt to have you by his side you sound really amazing, I'm so glad you have such a supportive family to help get you through such a devastating time.

    God bless

    Kim xxxx

  • So sorry for your loss, but pleased you have such wonderful memories. xx

  • A very, very beautiful post. Thank you for taking the time to write and share it with us. We all worry about how our loved ones will cope when we're gone and this has been a comfort to me, even though it brought tears to my eyes! Libby xxxx

  • Just read your post, ot sounds like you had 8 very special years together, and with"The One",that rare and special person who you just know is right. I too am lucky enough to have found such a person in my karen (I new in under 24hrs I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her)I was unlucky enough to be diagnosed approx 18mths ago so we now have me ill which wasn't part of the plan. God bless you and enjoy your memories as these can never be taken away from you. Also if you look out at the sky tonight the brightest star that you see will be your Phil looking down and watching over you! The one thing that I can say to you is that you're not alone and there's always someone pn here to talk to you. So once again take care of yourself and god bless you Aidi and Karen x:-) gonna go get a tissue now as goy something in my eye making me a little teary x

  • I don't think I can add anything extra to everyone's replies. But thank you for sharing. Take care. X

  • A beautiful post. Its obvious how much love you had for him and how happy you made him. So very sorry to hear he has passed away, but lovely you made his time here special. Now its time to take good care of yourself. Thanks for sharing this with us.

    xx xx

  • thamk you for sharing this tory SillySausage best wishes too you and your family

  • Sad to hear your sad news. A good death though and isn't that what everyone wants at the end of life. Sometimes shorter than wanted ... The quality of last 4 years of life should keep you smiling and grateful. He was lucky and blessed man in some really important ways.

  • So sorry for your loss, even though you were only together for such a short time you had a lot of happiness while your hubby was alive, God bless you both.

    Jude x

  • Hi. what a lovely end you are telling us., all surrounded by the whole family. This should be more like this.

    Of course, you miss him and cry you ought to do. I'm glad you had a good life together. Though the concentrator isn't there any more, his memory and lots of himself will be around. You might catch yourself to talk to him. Listen to your inner voice. And yet, try to have a peep at what's happening outside too.Our lives are very sweet, the memory of which inspires us to go forward too.

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