hi folks

[becraftygirl]

when you were diogonesed with c o p d how does your family hubby wife ect do they find it a chore as my hubbty seems to resent me hes retired and he cant cope hes always out when i ask for any thing he seems to get anoyed as if i put it on i feel dreadful any one else out there had same experence

[Poppymichael7]

How I feel for you at a time when you really need him to help. Maybe if you sit him down and explain to him what is happening to you through illness. I am so lucky as the last year my husband has totally taken over my roll in life. He's got me like an egg in a cake as he does everything for me, nothing is too much. For someone who never cooked or cleaned I feel so blessed. Maybe you could get your husband some literature on your illness then maybe would understand what you are going through. I hope things turn out well for you and come back on whenever you feel low it helps to share your problems. I send you big hugs xxx

[Steph57]

Hi Bev can you get your sisters all together at yours and sit them down and tell them how you feel and about your condition? Xx

[Hidden]

Half mown lawn and jobs I put off because my head was writing cheques the body could not cash I had to admit myself that life had changed before I was ok with asking for and accepting any help.

A part of self image is what you can do my work was part of that image shattered in limbo between what I used to do and accepting life that was all planned out was no more.

[libby7827]

Hi, not wanting to be sexist but something I've noticed from my time on this forum is that men seem far less able to cope with their other half's illness. The men who are ill seem, on the whole, to get cosseted by their partners but a lot of women have posted very much the same as you. I don't know why that is, even my son (am divorced) rolls his eyes sometimes when I ask him to do something for me and that upsets me. When I said "do something" I'm not talking diy or anything, maybe fetch me something or bring his dirty pots down from upstairs! Men just don't seem to be able to cope with a wife's illness, maybe just selfishness because they are not No.1 anymore? Am going to get hell for this I'm sure! So sorry this is happening to you. Libby xxx

[drd4]

My husband is resentful sometimes. He said last week that I don't appreciate him. Part of it is resentment because he hated my smoking and also he hates to see a once very active person reduced to an invalid. He wants me to do more if only for the exercise. He is also scared as I almost died a few times.

I had no idea how bad this disease was, even in the first years when it was mild. Someone who doesn't have it has a hard time understanding.

As someone suggested, get him some material about the disease to read. Wish you well.

[alanjudy]

I have bronchiectasis and it has taken my husband quite a while to come to terms with it. How ever he has now and does so much to help - so long as I don't ask him to come to hospitals as he hates them. The longest he visited me for when I was in recently was 30 minutes! My younger daughter is so so as she is a final year student nurse. My eldest daughter is a social worker who doesn't live at home and thinks I'm making too much of a fuss.

Judith

[tigershay1 in reply to alanjudy]

I can relate to your position Judith ...my hubby as much as i lovr him ..he was telling me to get back to work early Feb to just do couple of hours!! It took my gp to say no she is signed ofc until we know what we are dealing with. I think it stems from when he was 18 broke his neck in bike crash spent 7 months in traction in the 70's plus his mum was ill with lung disease so he doesnt do "illness" does get you down think because its not obvious like bandage on ...they think youre ok. Oh well battle on we will xxx Judith x

[mcnally]

What a shame, I am lucky, I have a wonderful husband and 3 kids. I myself feel really guilty that im putting them through this as I absolutely loved being a mum and doing everythin, its so hard isnt it, we just try to do what we used to but just in a different way, dont let this condition get you down xxxxx

[janetj1963]

Hi I don't post often but do read the posts. My husband maybe coddles me a bit to much and does most of housework and washing will even cook if I don't feel well. I have 3 daughters and 2 are very supportive the other one has health problems of her own and they all have young children as well. I not complaining as know how lucky I am but none of them like discussing the copd and do understand to a certain extent as we all watched my father die of this disease but groups like this help a lot so many thanks for being here.

[LittleUsker]

I don't have a partner but live with my teenage son and daughter, my son currently doing 6 months work experience away in Kidderminster. My daughters been wonderful but I really worry its too much for her sometimes. Most of the time I'm okay and can do all the normal bits but had a really bad flare up last month and ended up in respiratory failure so she had to cope with seeing me fighting for breath.....not something I wanted her to witness but can't choose times and places can you! I'm fortunate that I belong to a caring church and they had a visiting rota when I first came out of hospital so anything that was needed was done for me and I know they are there to help should I need it.

Perhaps its a blessing I'm not married reading through some experiences, its hard enough to bear these afflictions without dealing with mental anguish too.

[Plumbob]

Hi becraftygirl-From a male sufferers prospective,I feel really guilty of putting my wife through my illness ( i hate myself for it and feel like I'm pulling her down !!) I have always been an independent & fit person and was not averse to washing, cleaning, ironing,etc. and did most of the cooking as I got home from work a bit earlier (maybe I'm a rare breed of man- LOL or because I had to fend for myself after loosing both parents by the age of 17) I tend to still try to do things but always get told off cos I end up overdoing things.....But with regards to your hubby, I do think that he needs to speak to someone outside the family (Maybe BLF Nurse) and have it explained to him exactly what you are going through. It maybe the fact that he is really struggling to accept your illness and demise and tries to blank it out....Stay Strong - Plumbob

[Hidden]

Hi, I care for my husband who has severe COPD and I instinctively want to do everything for him!! That must irritate him but he is very good. He feels the same as Plumbob - he gets fed up that he cant do what he used to and our youngest daughter is 12, he isn't able to do things with her that he could with the older two. Its a very frustrating illness and one that seems to need a constant battle to fight!

I think BLF do a leaflet for carers which might be quiet useful - you could ring the helpline and ask them. I wanted to know all the about COPD and what we had to face which at times was a little scary but my husband prefers to hide his head in the sand. At least if he knew about the illness he may be more sympathetic. Good Luck TAD xxx

[sassy59]

Hi TAD, I am carer for my hubby Pete and he is in the doldrums at the moment. He is usually very positive but unfortunately, we have all recently had norovirus and this brought Pete right down. He is recovering but the virus hangs around. He has sarcoidosis and copd plus a very bad back so not a happy bunny. I like caring for him but hate to see him like this. Men do tend to hide their heads in the sand though.

Take care all and stay in touch in spite of all the silly spam nonsense. xxxxx

[Hidden in reply to sassy59]

Hi Sassy,sorry you both haven't been well.For Pete,I guess it was worse,on top of his other illnesses,can imagen he's not a happy bunny at the moment,hopefully things will improve.I know from your old posts that he was always pretty positive,but even so,we all have our limits I guess,not that it makes it any easier for you! xxx

[sassy59 in reply to Hidden]

Pete will be ok in time Wendells and thanks for your kind reply. Take care. xxxx

[onamission]

My old man is very good really although he does forget sometimes he walks so much faster than me I get so breathless and start going light headed, he always says you should say something how the bloody hell can I shout out slow down when I can't breath.

[doublecee]

This selfish man needs a wake-up call.

I've had COPD for 25 years and had complete backing and help from my wife and from my children when they've been asked to help.

Maybe your GP could sit down with your husband and put him right.

Best of luck.

Cyril.