Joke of the Day

And happy Shrove Tuesday

Pancake Jokes

A Welshman, an Englishman and an American were having a drink.

At first they talked about cars and farms, and true to form, the American had the swankiest car and the biggest farm. Then they got to talking about children's names.

'My son was born on St David's Day', remarked the Welshman, 'So - look you, we obviously Christened him David.'

'That's a real coincidence', observed the Englishman', My son was born on Michaelmas Day, 29th of September, so we decided to call him Michael.'

'That's remarkable', piped up the American, 'Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.'

Playing God?

It was Shrove Tuesday and Mrs Thomas was making pancakes for her sons, Aaron 6, and Kelvin 8.

As usual, the brothers began to argue over who should get the first pancake. Their mother saw a wonderful opportunity for a moral lesson.

'If Jesus were sitting at the table, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake".'

Quick as a flash Kelvin turned to Aaron and said, 'Aaron, today you can be Jesus!'

Reader's Pancake Joke, Complete with Funny Picture

What did the young pancake say to the old burnt pancake?

I don't like your flip side.

Shrove Tuesday? - Give me Mardi Gras any day!

Pancake jokes

Every dog has his day, but for Patch, Pancake Day was not it. (Kindly sent in by Jason E)Pancake Day - Shrove Tuesday


Jenny Loves Her Pancakes

One February Jenny went to her psychiatrist. She told him, "My friends said that I had to come see you because they think I have a problem with pancakes."

The psychiatrist says, "Why do they think that?"

"Well," Jenny replies. "Because, I just like pancakes."

"That's not a problem," the psychiatrist responds. "I love griddle cakes too!"

"Really?!" the Jenny exclaims. "Then you should come to my house, I have a whole attic full of pancakes!"

Pancake Joke For April Fool's Day

On April 1st John's mother put a fire cracker under the pancakes.

She blew her stack.

When Is Shrove Tuesday in 2014? - 4th March

Remember that it's Easter that fixes the date for Shrove Tuesday. Therefore working backwards, we have Lent with its 40 days of fasting before we get to Easter. Now Lent starts on Ash Wednesday, so the day before is when cooks use up all the 'naughty foods'. In the olden days two 'naughty foods', which are not allowed in Lent, would be butter and eggs - ideal for making pancakes. Hence Shrove Tuesday, or Pancake Day.

Curiously, when calculating Lent, Sundays don't count, hence Shrove Tuesday is actually 47 days before Easter Sunday.

Drunks the best sense of humour…aye!!!!

A drunk from Crinkle Cove, Newfoundland walks out of a bar with a key in his hand

and he is stumbling back and forth. A Mountie on the beat sees him and approaches,

"Can I help you, sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole me carrr", the Newfie replies.

The Mountie asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the Newfie replies.

About that time the Mountie looks down and sees the man's willy hanging out of his fly

for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk Newfie looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out....

"Holy shit! Me girlfriend's gone, too!!

The Hookers Union

A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending

a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.


he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union


"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay

you $100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80 and the girls

get $20," she answered.

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man

stomped off down the

street in

search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search

continued until finally he reached

a brothel where the Madam responded,

"Why yes sir, this is a union

house. We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And, if I pay you

$100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80 and the house

gets $20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam $100,

looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed


"I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she

gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years

seniority and according to union rules, she's next!

When you are over sixty who gives a shit............


I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

When you are over sixty who gives a shit?


I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her boobs.

"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

When you are over sixty who gives a shit?


I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you are over sixty who gives a shit?


I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "

When you are over sixty who gives a shit?

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1 Reply

  • Happy pancake day next week! and thank you for making me laugh my head off!!! :D xxxxxx

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