British Lung Foundation

Jokes For St Valentines Day

Bet you forgot then.

Dont Make a Fuss About Valentine's Day


My dearest wife is always going on and on and ON about NOT making a fuss over her on Valentine's Day. She repeats that it's the thought that counts.

Well, I put a lot of thought into the gifts from previous February 14ths but she didn't quite take to any of them like I assumed she would. Here's my list - see what you think:

Brand new mop and bucket.

I was thinking it would be fun to see what colour the floor was because I couldn't remember.

Romantic dinner at fast food restaurant.

I was thinking that she might like to go inside for a change instead of fetching dinner at the drive through.

Chocolates left-over from last year's candy box.

I was thinking of how proud she'd be of me for not wasting food. She's been nagging me for years to recycle.

Midnight moped ride through the park.

I was thinking that I'm getting too old to be peddling on the bike.

Dozen roses printed on high quality photo paper. One of my favourites this -

I was thinking these would last a lifetime instead of just a week.

45 second back massage.

I was thinking any longer and she might think I was interested in something else.

Windows 8.1

I was thinking how proud she would be to be a part of the technology crowd.

Been married 42 years and I still give her the same card and bunch of roses I gave her when we first get married.

Why buy they next year just take them back and give her them back next year.

My wife has no sense of smell.

Funny and Humorous Quotes for Valentine's Day

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy." -

"Love is being stupid together."

"Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch."

"Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing." -

"Love is a game that two can play and both win." -

"Love puts the fun in together, the sad in apart, and the joy in a heart." -

"Falling in love is so hard on the knees."

"Give me a thousand kisses, then a hundred, then a thousand more." -

"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly."

"Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, - but not for love." -

"I love you like crazy, baby 'Cuz I'd go crazy without you." -

"I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon." -

"Like I've always said, love wouldn't be blind if the braille weren't so damned much fun." -Maybe the Moon

"What the world really needs is more love and less paper work."

"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." -

"Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker." -

"Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is." -

"Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely." - M*A*S*H, Hawkeye

"Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket or a holding pattern over Philadelphia."

"If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?"

"Better let my heart be without words, than my words without heart.

"Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness."

"There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.

"Love is the history of a woman's life; it is an episode in man's."

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."

"The only gift is a portion of thyself."

"A man is not where he lives, but where he loves."

"The best portion of a good man's life, His little, nameless, unremembered acts, Of kindness and of love."

"Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.

"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."

"At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet."

"True love stories never have endings."

"Love is the true means by which the world is enjoyed: our love to others, and others' love to us."

"It is best to love wisely, no doubt; but to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all."

"We find rest in those we love, and we provide a resting place in ourselves for those who love us."

"Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

"I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach."

Romantic Valentine's Day Poems

A Thoughtful Valentine's Day Gift

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.

'Yes,' came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, 'I've bought her a belt and a bag.'

'That was very kind of you,' Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought.'

Tony smiled as he replied, 'So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.'

My One And Only

Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London.

The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'

Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave "To my one and only love".'

The jeweller smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'

Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'

Question and Answer Valentine Jokes Valentine's day jokes

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?

A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp?

A: Stick with me and we'll go places!

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?

A: You turn me on.

Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?

A: No, but they had an Apple.

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?

A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand? Valentine Joke

Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?

A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.

Knock, Knock,

Who's there?


Olive who?

Olive you!

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?

A: Because it couldn't get a date.

Q: What is a ram's favourite song on February 14th?

A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear

Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner?

A: A stamp.

Q: What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?

A: You get buttered up.

Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called?

A: His ghoul-friend.

Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?

A: Antelope.

Happy St Valentines Day to you all.

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

Never was a poet

so this will have to do.

Love and Hugs on this romantic Day.

Berwick xxxxx

4 Replies

Rose arered

Violets are blue

Some poems rhyme

This one doesn't




Morning Berwick, Happy valentines day, still laughing. Won't be soon, I really did forget, I will have to take him in doors a cup of coffee in bed. Nannyb xx


All good ones,& a very happy valentines to you! Do hope you didint take any tips from the first lot, as to what to get your wife!! Or you might find yourself without one,next year lol!xxxx

1 like

You may also like...