Joke of the Day: A Poem. I have a... - Lung Conditions C...

Lung Conditions Community Forum

55,205 members65,971 posts

Joke of the Day

37 Replies

A Poem.

I have a little Satnav

It sits there in my car

A Satnav is a driver's friend

It tells you where you are

I have a little Satnav

I've had it all my life

It's better than the normal ones

My Satnav is my wife

It gives me full instructions

Especially how to drive

"It's thirty miles an hour", it says

"You're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start

And when to use the brake

And tells me that it's never ever

Safe to overtake

It tells me when a light is red

And when it goes to green

It seems to know instinctively

Just when to intervene

It lists the vehicles just in front

And all those to the rear

And taking this into account

It specifies my gear.

I'm sure no other driver

Has so helpful a device

For when we leave and lock the car

It still gives its advice

It fills me up with counselling

Each journey's pretty fraught

So why don't I exchange it

And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,

Makes sure I'm properly fed,

It washes all my shirts and things

And keeps me warm in bed!

Despite all these advantages

And my tendency to scoff,

I only wish that now and then

I could turn the bugger off!

Read more about...

The ability to reply to this post has been turned off.

37 Replies

Loved it Berwick, that's a corker! xxx

mustcarryon profile image
mustcarryon

Are you sure this poem wasn't written by my husband.

lol xxx

Towse1950 profile image
Towse1950

Very funny ...Audrey

misslolapots123 profile image
misslolapots123

That was good to start the day with.Lola

Loved it, and I'm female. Sounds like my mum.

Suzy6 profile image
Suzy6

Love it. Sounds like my husband until, cooks and cleans.

breather profile image
breather

Brilliant love it lol.

pergola1 profile image
pergola1

Clever, Berwick, if you make a mistake and ignore the satnav?

ostiad profile image
ostiad

I just love this and to be honest, it sounds exactly like me lol:-)

Toci profile image
Toci in reply to ostiad

And me. ;)

butter-fly profile image
butter-fly

Hey Berwick who can we shout at (when we're alone of course!), use foul language to and say the rotten things to, we'd otherwise get arrested for but the blasted sat nav. We can even murder it by firing it out the car window in a rage (as long as we are careful to make sure no one is watching!) and we won't get sent away! Sara.

butter-fly profile image
butter-fly in reply to butter-fly

Think I missed the point on this one!!!

joke profile image
joke

Love it

peege profile image
peege

Haha, that was totally my mother in law. ...... indicate George ...... change down George ...... right hand down a bit George .......

tomc profile image
tomc

Very funny and good.

I don`t have the distinction between wife and the tomtom, I argue with both, about where I am and where I`m going.

one doesn't argue back, and the other.............makes me sleep on the sofa.

Tom

junespoon profile image
junespoon

Really great and so true, thanks.x

needtobreathe profile image
needtobreathe

Sounds like my old man apart from cooking and cleaning. If he did the cleaning he could satnav me all day.LOL

EVEREST profile image
EVEREST

That's a cracker to coin a phrase

ptliverpool profile image
ptliverpool

Brilliant!

operatic profile image
operatic

Oh Berwick. I think this is absolutely fantastic. Laughed my head of and read it to my husband. Does you good to laugh. Thank you

operatic profile image
operatic

Pergola 1 well then it WILL have to have the last word!

operatic profile image
operatic

Pergola 1 then it WILL have to have the last word if it kills it!!!

That's a corker. Was feeling a bit low today but that has helped. popplewell

Steamtrain1958 profile image
Steamtrain1958

Brilliant absolutely brilliant.

Puffthemagicdragon profile image
Puffthemagicdragon

That was so enjoyable ! :)

katieoxo60 profile image
katieoxo60

Brilliant Berwick just what we needed to cheer up a dreary Sunday thank you

bobbyr profile image
bobbyr

Love it berwick. So much i copied it to my facebook page

Keep them coming!

undine profile image
undine

LOL wonderful - thank you xx

Beetroothead profile image
Beetroothead

We've just returned from a journey from Devon to Windsor using sat-nav for the first time ever so this made me chuckle. Thanks.

Beetroothead.

Mavary profile image
Mavary

Great one Berwick. Doesn't say much for us woman. Or is it that all men are bad drivers. X

Steph57 profile image
Steph57 in reply to Mavary

Or does it mean all men need looking after and telling what to do.x

Mavary profile image
Mavary

Loved it Berwick. Does that mean all woman are the same. Or. Are all men bad drivers. Ha! Ha! X

Mavary profile image
Mavary

Definitely Steph57. X

kaz67 profile image
kaz67

"Ha ha ha! Brilliant keep the poems coming! This poem caused me to laugh straight away,needed a good laugh Thanks,I love it, have a good week with many more to come!

jimmyw123 profile image
jimmyw123

that one is really clever berwick,, and very funny ,, great

helingmic profile image
helingmic

A woman's intuition has to be expressed! She would be at a loss if it had to be kept a secret! God created Eve and gave her a big mouth!!!

Gingermeggs48 profile image
Gingermeggs48

I met one like that and she dances quite well, doing all those old time and new vogue styles. The problem and issue is when the music stops she starts just as per the above description- because she's a born and bread natural winging pom! some sort of press button gagging device would be helpful at times.

The ability to reply to this post has been turned off.

You may also like...

What a difference a day makes!

Hi lung buddies. Just had to get away from it all for a ‘break’ 🤭after caring for Mum. Had a great

Sorry not been on for a few days.

old niece died suddenly which really shook us all. You all have a lovely Day and take care 😊...

Moving in Day Next Thursday

Good morning Friends. I hope you are all keeping as well as possible. I think I last mentioned...

A week without antibiotics, first time since September! and first day of Spring.

today, and my diary tells me first day of spring. Looking forward to going out when car serviced....

Another glorious day

up an air fryer. Then get back to the ranch make sure my JD not been rustled then sit outside with...